Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: SoGutted (44679)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wedding anniversary - how do you feel?
myeverafter
Member
Member # 41012
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was last week. I still don't know how I feel about it.

fWH did surprise me with flowers in the car before the kids and I left town. But that was it. And MIL called to wish me a happy anniversary which to be honest pissed me off...


Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
D-Day: 7/13
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.

Posts: 85 | Registered: Oct 2013
Sadjacey
♀ Member
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The anniversary has come and gone. I got through it, but didn't feel anything approaching celebration. His card was nice - much more sentimental than ever before, and what he wrote inside was loving. It makes me sad that I don't feel it,


Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2013
PollyA
♀ Member
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out two weeks before our 11th anniversary. Now, I think I've never REALLY been married.

H says that he's already learned so much, he realizes that he will make new vows.

I say, "well, you made them easily before, what would be the difference if you made them again?"

He has not answer.

I haven't worn a wedding ring since two weeks after the first, completely whitewashed disclosure.

But, really, it's not disclosure if I had to dig to get the info...


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
PollyA
♀ Member
Member # 40567
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out two weeks before our 11th anniversary. Now, I think I've never REALLY been married.

H says that he's already learned so much, he realizes that he will make new vows.

I say, "well, you made them easily before, what would be the difference if you made them again?"

"Because I'm a different person!" HA!

I haven't worn a wedding ring since two weeks after the first, completely whitewashed disclosure.

But, really, it's not disclosure if I had to dig to get the info...

[This message edited by PollyA at 11:03 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


BW - 2 x's ( once before married, got therapy, thought we'd both moved forward)
WH - SA? Probably not. Just a Selfish ASS
DD1 - 4/2001 - 1 OW, left, returned, therapy, thought he'd "gotten it". I was wrong.
DD2 - 8/2013 -

Posts: 105 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: PollyA
Sunset22
♀ New Member
Member # 42025
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our wedding anniversary was 3 weeks ago. We didn't celebrate it. I told him no. I didn't want anything or didn't want to do anything. The A didn't happen during our anniversary but I don't feel right celebrating. During the A, we were even talking about renewing our wedding vows this year (it was our 10 years wedding anniv). He took that dream away from me.


DDay - December 2013 and January 2014

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2014
BrokenheartedUK
♀ Member
Member # 43520
Default  Posted: 5:35 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One more shit 'unintended consequence" of the bloody affair. Sheesh! Our 18th anniversary was four days before DDay. We were married on New Years Eve and this year we were up in London with the children celebrating NYE with good friends. When I look back on the photos in my iPhone I feel sick--I really had ZERO idea of what was a head of me. I dread the next anniversary. We've already planned to be away over that period of time, I can't sit in my house triggering away.


Dday: 4th of January, 2014
WH 50
BS 49
18 years of marriage...three children
One affair PA/EA

Whatever doesn't kill you...doesn't kill you.


Posts: 141 | Registered: May 2014
titanfour
♂ Member
Member # 26750
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I am with many of you - my DD is my anniversary. I still get very wary on this day, and dread it of course. I never want to be home either. I don't know all the details of what went on, but enough to know it wasn't over the course of any prior anniversary. probably 2-3 months ending about 3 months before she just blindsided me with a confession on, you guessed it - anniversary.

Sometimes I have been totally fine, others were like slogging through hell. So may variables, you'd have to be Rain Man to predict how it would go. Past few have not been bad, and now I always plan a trip (W never plans it). Then again, she seldom plans any trip for us.

I do wonder what is going through her head. I don't want to bring it up to cause either of us pain, but who am I kidding. No way either of us is NOT thinking about it. We are just afraid of "ruining" the moment. Its not pretending though, its a decision to not let the past F up the present. I know that doesn't make much sense. It feels conflicted.


ME: FBH
HER: FWW
many kids now, 1 then
DDAY: 1987

Reconciled; Sometimes still have hard days, but getting by. Still dealing with feelings I buried,but finally getting them out.


Posts: 264 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: USA
Hidingmyhurt
♀ Member
Member # 43525
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 24th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our anniversary is next week. He told me that our family dinner on Monday (which is for my mom's b'day and my son's graduation celebration) will also be celebrating our 10 year anniversary...I'm ready to cancel. I don't want to celebrate it. We were supposed to be renewing our vows this year. I can't even think of that.

And my wedding band...it's back in it's box. I think I'm gonna sell it. I can't even think of putting it back on again.


Me: BW 39
Him: STBXWH 47
Married 10 years
2 sons, 14 and 9
DDays 2004,2008,2012 and 5/8/14

Posts: 60 | Registered: May 2014 | From: USA
ifeellikeafool
♀ Member
Member # 43507
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, May 25th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't celebrate ours either.in fact for. A while it stressed me out knowing it was coming up.


Me BS 32
My WH 44
Dday march 27,2014
Around 2005 he went to one of those message places off craigslist
2002 few months of M tried with BF she said no so he got BJ from maid of honor

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2014 | From: California
ifeellikeafool
♀ Member
Member # 43507
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why would I want to remember a day I was so happy and it felt right only to realize it lead to this and I made horrible mistake?


Me BS 32
My WH 44
Dday march 27,2014
Around 2005 he went to one of those message places off craigslist
2002 few months of M tried with BF she said no so he got BJ from maid of honor

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2014 | From: California
ItStillHurts
♀ Member
Member # 33617
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, May 29th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prior to DD, when she outed the affair on Christmas Eve, but after he broke it off at the end of October, 2010, we celebrated our 28th with a dinner that was, sadly, off. There was a soft tension between us that made me want to go to the washroom and then sneak away....I do believe he missed her. So, on the way to drinks and a show at the casino to finish the evening off, we drove by her place. Ostensibly to look at condos. There were none to look at.

To this day, it still boggles my mind.

I bounce on this anniversary thing alot.

Hopefully, time will soften the rough edges on this for me. Really, I owe this day nothing yet I mourn the loss still. Why she should she take away the first 28 years?


The cruelest lies are often told in silence (RLS).
DD: December 24, 2010, when she called me from a pay phone pretending to be someone else.
Me: BS (53)Him: WS (56) OW: 63 yr old Husband hunting predatory whore

Posts: 361 | Registered: Oct 2011
ifeellikeafool
♀ Member
Member # 43507
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes but it is so hard yo look at it the same way again it's worse for me because they sexted on my birthday so now I hate my birthday.


Me BS 32
My WH 44
Dday march 27,2014
Around 2005 he went to one of those message places off craigslist
2002 few months of M tried with BF she said no so he got BJ from maid of honor

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2014 | From: California
tryingsodanghard
♂ New Member
Member # 43590
Default  Posted: 2:47 PM, May 31st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are divorced. September 11, 2012, of all days. She had just returned from rehab that day, found out I was seeing someone, and called me back three days later. We were on again off again (along with the OM) for a year. I know, I'm a "Fool in Love," as Joe Jackson once put it.She finally expunged him from her life about a year ago, and we have been committed to trying ever since. We haven't celebrated our wedding anniversary since, and this October will be the first since our R. I don't know whether to even observe it. My WS is wracked with guilt and doesn't know how to be compassionate.


M in 2005
D's in 2008
Me BH 51
She WW 41
1st D Day 5-2-2012
2nd D Day 5-4-2013
Separated 6-2012
Divorced 9-11-2012
5 yo son, 15 yo SD
After a year of trying, she finally went NC 6-3-2013
In R and domestic partners since July of 2013.

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South
ifeellikeafool
♀ Member
Member # 43507
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS is wracked with guilt and doesn't know how to be compassionate


That's kinda what happening with me says he is afraid what ever he does is wrong but doing nothing hurts too.


Me BS 32
My WH 44
Dday march 27,2014
Around 2005 he went to one of those message places off craigslist
2002 few months of M tried with BF she said no so he got BJ from maid of honor

Posts: 51 | Registered: May 2014 | From: California
MJane
♀ Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, June 1st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like Sadjacey my wedding ring meant nothing to me from the moment of DD - in fact I stuck it in a make up case and on a trip it got lost - there was a deep relief in not having it ( engraved with his name and our M date) as that day is no longer what it was for me - and for that reason the anniversary means very little - I am only nine months out and only one anniversary under my belt but I can honestly say that even if we stay through R and make things work I will never ever celebrate that day like before...how can it ever have the same meaning? I remember raising a glass of wine and him saying "to us" having gotten a bunch if picked wild flowers - that was last year and he was having sex with another woman wearing that ring throughout. I think i would rather pick another day and let that have real meaning. We'll see...

Posts: 241 | Registered: Sep 2013
Waiting2breathe
♀ New Member
Member # 41720
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My anniversary, the first since D-Day is coming up soon as well as my birthday. WH has sexted and/or text the OW or one of his sexting partners on our last three anniversaries and on my birthday while I was out of town, he engaged in sexual activities with the OW as well as texting her all day. I don't know what I am going to do about those two dates but I definitely know that I am in no mood to celebrate especially with the person that destroyed the day of my birth. Any suggestions on what to do?

Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Third rock from the Sun
tryingsodanghard
♂ New Member
Member # 43590
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would suggest creating another event to Cele rate that day, at least until you've healed a bit.


M in 2005
D's in 2008
Me BH 51
She WW 41
1st D Day 5-2-2012
2nd D Day 5-4-2013
Separated 6-2012
Divorced 9-11-2012
5 yo son, 15 yo SD
After a year of trying, she finally went NC 6-3-2013
In R and domestic partners since July of 2013.

Posts: 35 | Registered: May 2014 | From: South
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In 2011, 44 years after our wedding and almost 9 months after D-Day, I was willing for my W to ask me out to dinner. She did, and we had a nice time, but it was a date, not a celebration. I was confused, after all - had we been together for 46 years and M for 44, or had we been together for less than 9 months?

In 2012, we had a low key celebration of 45 years of M. We were with our son (also DIL and GS) on the day for the first time since 1989, so we had to appear to celebrate, but it wasn't great.

In 2014, I expect we'll really celebrate being together for 49 years & M for 47.

If your WS is really remorseful and you do the work necessary for R, I believe you will celebrate being together again - but it takes a lot of work (especially for the WS), and that amount of work takes a lot of time.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:40 AM, June 2nd (Monday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9979 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Waiting2breathe
♀ New Member
Member # 41720
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spoke to my WH today about my feelings on our anniversary and possibly changing the date. At first he agreed on the change but later on informed me that since we both had betrayed the other that I should reconsider my decision. He told me if I can't find it in my heart to celebrate our anniversary on the original date than he does not want to be married to me. I asked him why it was so important to him since the last three anniversaries he couldn't care less about it. Never received any response on that question from him.

Posts: 14 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Third rock from the Sun
LivinginLimbo
♀ Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our 32nd Anniversary was 3 months after D-Day. We had a trip planned with friends that we went ahead with. I went through the motions but it was still so raw and painful. Last year, we also traveled, which I find to be better as it appears that we're "celebrating" (kids don't know) and I don't have to paint on a happy face.

This year was a biggie, 35 years. We took our daughter and her boyfriend on a cruise with us. It was a good distraction for me. That morning we exchanged cards, I cried a little and went on to make the best of the day.

We've discussed this in MC. I know that FWH is scared shitless of doing something wrong. Still, I don't want to be the one who "plans" anything related to it. It's extremely difficult for me to "celebrate" any anniversary without subtracting the seven years FWH cheated.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1017 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 51
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.