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User Topic: She wants me back, but is still with OM. wtf
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:11 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PRNDL,

How are you? Please don't stop posting. We are here for you.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much. I been seeing my IC more due to the guilt she puts me through. She says I abandoned her when she needed me the most. The year and a half long A she had with the OM was just a cry for help. She says the grass was not greener. She learned the errors in her way and so on....
She tells me that I can choose to forget and move forward.

She tells me all this and is still with the OM!!!!
She insists that she is with him because I left and filed for divorce. She forgets that she cheated with the OM for a year. I caught her, gave her a chance, she continued for 6 months.
Not to mention her ONS threesome.

I know in my mind she has become a piece of heartless garbage. However, I remember the sweet girl that was my best friend for all those years.

I miss her and I want to go back so bad when she calls crying.

In the end she still texts, calls, and sees the OM. I feel like such a loser.

Im finally, after a year and 2 months, starting to manage the instance feeling of being to ugly, fat, unatractive, no good in bed, which i feel caused the affair.

Im falling apart. I wish I wasnt so stupid. I want to wake up.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PRNDL,

Gently, why are you still in communication with her? NC means no new hurts.

She is just trying to reel you in only to throw you back.

She is still involved with OM. That's not remorse. Her tears are manipulative.

We all know this sh*t is difficult, but you are hanging on to someone who is no longer there. Your wife is gone replaced by a cruel, selfish, heartless beatch.

You WILL get through this! You will become a better person and feel joy again. You can move forward without her! A year from now you will look back and ask yourself WTH was I thinking allowing myself to be abandoned and emotionally abused and used. You are worth so much more than that!

BTW, you did not cause the affair. She is a grown woman who made the choice to cheat, and she continues to choose to cheat regardless what she saying.


Posts: 7569 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
phoenixrise
♀ Member
Member # 41745
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"She is still seeing him but wants me back"
Whaaaat! Rewind. No no no...move on...she is so using you as her little cat toy. I say ? be on from all the drama and start fresh...why hasn't d gone through yet? I would pick up all the stuff from the house and get it over with...maybe put in a no contact order...she reeks of poison...just try to think about how nasty she is having a threeway and cheating on you...maybe she is a sex addict...is that what you envisioned being with in your dream of a beautiful marriage? She is damaged don't let her drag you down again. You may love her but it takes so much more than that which she lacks...loyalty which she has pushed aside over and over...strength of character which only you seem to have...respect...she has none...you will be a fine catch for someone who will give you all of these drama free...the first step tell her not to contact you that you are divorcing her butt that it is too late...even tell her you have moved on...a little white lie won't hurt...she is like gang green...chop her off before she paralizes you...she's put you through enough hell and shenanigans...you are a person with real feelings who has a happy future to look forward to...it seems she has damaged the relationship to the point of no return...don't look back!! Run!ps. Tell her if it's not about your son...you don't want to hear about it...only talk about financial/kid matters

[This message edited by phoenixrise at 1:51 AM, April 17th (Thursday)]


"The grass is greener on the other side because of all the shit that is used to fertilize it"
Him: WH after 8 yrs M...wow to think he held my hand during labor twice
Me: thought I was a cool loving wife
D Day: 7 mos ago RIP soul

Posts: 212 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Dante's Inferno
Tren0R201
♂ Member
Member # 39633
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately this has nothing to do with you, she loves the power she exercises over you, it's very narcissistic. Whenever she feels the low, guess whom she calls to get a little ego boost.

In some ways we get addicted to drama and the little twinges of pain we feel. You want some remorse so you take her calls, parts of you want to believe she's contrite but it's like listening to someone telling you they are diabetic while they're eating a bucketful of sugar.

Be strong, but don't let her exercise this power over. For gods sake stop taking her calls. Good luck


Posts: 162 | Registered: Jun 2013
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for caring everyone. My mind knows what she us doing. I do the NC, but she pries her way in when we have to duscuss our son. Today I registered him at a new private school, and I needed to talk to her regarding this. She knows how much I miss her and she uses this to pull me.

I spoke to the OM a few weeks ago and he tells me that all they talk about is their future together. She does the sane thing to him. Hes just another fool too.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
crisp
♂ Member
Member # 34236
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is very unattractive when she cheats on her boyfriend with calls to you. (Remember what she said to you about your attractiveness?)


Endeavor to persevere. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csEzTwKemwY

Posts: 386 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NE US
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She says I abandoned her when she needed me the most. The year and a half long A she had with the OM was just a cry for help.

That is the worst instance of blame shifting I have ever heard. Seriously, I think she has to be so delusional that she qualifies as mentally ill.

If you are unwise enough to have her back I'm betting she will still continue to see the OM. Whatever she believes in; whatever opinion she has, is correct and appropriate. Therefore she can never make a serious mistake, or be in the wrong. This lady is not properly adjusted for marriage and meaningful relationships and unless you fully agree with any course of action she may take, you are in for more misery.

Keep her at arms length and continue with the divorce. For your own sake. When the marriage is legally over she will probably marry the OM and leave you alone. Hopefully.


Posts: 1717 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im finally, after a year and 2 months, starting to manage the instance feeling of being to ugly, fat, unatractive, no good in bed, which i feel caused the affair

You know what's really attractive? Strength, in all shapes and colors.

Your WW is now a creature, not a human being.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 523 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your comment give so much help. I read them all over and over.

I guess I buy into her comments because she bacame this person two years ago. She never ever said things like that to me before. We were together 14 years. 12 years of those we never even mentioned the word "separation". She was so sweet.

In 2011 she had a nervous breakdown at work due the her very demanding job. She had been promoted to ER manager about a year prior. She would always say how seriously demanding and stressfull that possission was.

Her breakdown was bad. We would go to the ER once to 3 times a week because her heart would pound and she felt like she was going to "die". We later learned it was severe panic and anxiety. She developed a heart mur mur (PVC PAC). She was medicated for all the above and could not work. She quit that job. Withinn three weeks, jan of 2012, here symptoms were gone. She got off the meds and wrote it off as it all being caused by her job.

She found a higher paying much less demanding corporate job and thats when she changed. March 2012 was first contact with OM.

She became self centered, vain, mean. If u read the symptomes of BPD and NPD, she had/has them all.

Two years later, a ONS thressone, a 1.5 year affair that continues, and god knows what else she has done, and here I am scratching me head wondering where my best friend went.

I moved out and am divorcing her after 7 months of limbo

Maybe her breakdown never ended. Maybe she realized her own mortality and it threw her into some kind of crazy full blown MLC.

In the end, im suffering for it. I feel as if im waiting for her to come back.

Her mother, father, and step mother tell me that this is how she has always been since she was a little girl. They insist that I never noticed. They tell me how they always felt she got her way and got what she wanted at any cost.

I agreed, but I thought I was hust being a good husband.

I guess shes never coming back huh?


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess shes never coming back huh?

Well, why would you want someone like that, back?

Her mother, father, and step mother tell me that this is how she has always been since she was a little girl. They insist that I never noticed. They tell me how they always felt she got her way and got what she wanted at any cost.

She showed you who she was, and her own family backs it up. Sounds like she played a role for you during your marriage and was never her authentic self from the time you met her. Would that be a fair assessment?

If so, set the bar higher for yourself and on what you deserve in a partner. Your WW clearly failed, in her own epic way. Now she is the OM's problem, scratch that, "disaster" in the making.

Detach. Keep working on this. It will get better.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 523 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awww, Prndl, hugs to you.

1. You had nothing to do to force your wife into having an affair. That was solely her choice.

2. You might have missed who she was along, I did with my wh. How foolish I feel about that. All the signs were there, but I was soooo in love with him, I was blind to them. When i recognized them, it was far too late. The good news about that is: No, he's never coming back either, cause what I imagined him to be never was. Get yourself to that acceptance of who your ww really is on the inside. That will help you to detach emotionally.

3. Keep all contact with her to the barest minimum. If her conversation veers off to the two you, stop her dead in her tracks and redirect the conversation to either your child or any finances. If those are done being discussed, end the conversation. Do not allow her to pull your heart left and right. If someone loved you, they would not do that to you.

4. Continue with the divorce. If she ever pulls her head out of her backside enough to R, it isn't necessary to still be married to do so. Many here have reconciled after divorce. Right now, it sounds only as if the other posters have said, she wants to maintain her back up.

No one deserves to be anothers back up. Do you have activities your involved in? Hobbies, volunteering? Get yourself involved if your not, get busy building a life for yourself that doesnt include her. Dont hang around waiting for her.

Dont fall for her manipulation. Some times we have to learn to play a game we never did before and quickly.

Keep posting,,,,,,


Posts: 571 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When one is addicted to eating cake, going cold turkey is painful. She wants to continue eating cake. I hate to be simplistic, but that's how it appears to me. You shouldn't be providing the cake. Since she's with OM now, she is only getting one course per meal. And that's why she is upset and claiming to want some form of reconciliation.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The most pathetic women out there are the ones who have to have a penis in their life.

eta: I am so sorry. I hope I didn't offend. I am not calling men "penis's". I am talking about the type of women who have to have a man in their life, but actually to them it is the penis 'cause it can be attached to any "man" as long as he validates her as a woman and keeps the ego kibbles coming.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 12:36 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9711 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Prndl, your last post is actually somewhat scary to me. I was about to respond asking you a lot of those same questions you just answered.

given your description of her, and what her family has told you, I really really doubt that her recent escapades constitute her first trip to the rodeo. I really don't think you will ever be in a position to find out though.

run, don't walk to the nearest exit.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2872 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mind knows what she is doing.

Good. This is so crucial to taking the first step away from this selfish abuser. Do not trust your emotions. They lie. Act with your brain, which is aware of the obvious evidence. Your heart, your emotions, will catch up. Meanwhile, I know how devastated you are and, in the weakness of your state, it is so easy to cling to the cruel crumbs of hope she is callously tossing to you. Shut your brain off to your battered and delusional heart and get away from her. Now. Stay strong. You can do this.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. This should be common sense. I need to see it. I need to hear it.

I its not my fault. Its who she is. Thank you for your posts. I read them over and over.

My wife is gone. She chose to do these things.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
yearsofpain25
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not my fault. Its who she is.

Right. Say it again and again and again


25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The year and a half long A she had with the OM was just a cry for help

Man, maybe I am just cynical as hell anymore but at this point if a woman came and said that to my face I would bust out laughing at what has to be some of the greatest stand up comedy in the world.

The year and a half long affair she had was a year and a half long stretch of time spent fucking another man and lying to you. A cry for help generally sounds like "Help" in some capacity. There is a gulf of difference between behaviors that are self destructive and behaviors that outsource destruction to others.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7451 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The year and a half long A she had with the OM was just a cry for help

PRNDL,

Like Stillgoing says, this is bitterly laughable. I got the same bullshit (using different words but essentially the same) from my ex when she sensed I was seriously going to deprive her of cake. She would acknowledge (or lie, in retrospect) that what she was doing was a reflection of "issues" that she had.

Yeah, I guess it was. But she never stopped doing it for more than a week here and there. So who the hell cares if it's a so-called "cry for help?" What a bunch of pop psychobabble bullshit.

Translation: "Sob sob. I need help. Please feel sorry for me and my childish unwillingness to stop doing something that clearly is devastating you. And while you're at it, please don't leave me so I can continue to do whatever I damn well please--for as long as I want. Because I have issues. Me. I do. Me. Me. Me."


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1622 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 80
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