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Newest Member: Essdubyaohdee (44217)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: DD's pain
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Kelany))) I'm so sorry I triggered you.

(((Hexed)))

I told him I was sorry if that upset him but his safety and well being was my primary responsibility.

What was your son's response?

I do not think DD is ready to meet him. I couldn't see through his lies in my 20's so how could a 13yr old? I do not think the OW/now wife knows about DD. There is no real way for me to find out. From what I know, he did not tell any of his family.

She would also like to meet her xstepdad. I was briefly married when she was tiny. Thought I was in love, but I think deep down was looking for a dad for her. (Which is why I do not rush into dating anymore). That is a whole other bucket of crap. He drugged and raped me multiple times. All I've told her is that he hurt me in ways that no one should ever hurt a person. End of story.

LosferWords, Thank you.

Having everyone's feedback helps so much. Hearing your advice, what you've gone through, the hugs, strength....helps me, help DD. I don't have all the answers, but I know about 43,000 people who can help.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:47 PM, April 8th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 33733 | Registered: Mar 2011
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YOU did not trigger me hon. I'm still dealing with my own emotions surrounding my father's death. That in and of itself is another can of worms. I tend to rug sweep it, not at a point I can open it much. But I felt it important to give a child's perspective. You did not trigger me.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What was your son's response?

My DS has always been one of those peope who is 1) very self contained 2) wise beyond his years. He got it. He understood b/c he trusts me. He and I are pretty tight. He knows he doesn't always agree with me but that I always have his back. I didn't go into detail about the things he NPD RB father did to me. Attempted murder is on the list. He, in fact, was convicted of it for trying to kill the woman who came after me. I did tell him about that. If you can find some extremely bad, documented things, that happened to a 3rd party maybe share that. I just didn't want it to be too real/close to home so I didn't tell him the things he did to me.

I also explained that I am sure that his father's behaviour were the result of childhood abuse. That his craziness wasn't something DS had to worry about inheriting. I educated him about NPD/BPD so he could understand more.

On a certain level he just wanted to hear things from me. I told him that I would 100% support him finding his biofather at age 18 and would help him. I asked him to trust that I have more life experience and therefore knew a little more about why DS needed to be older to be safe around NPD biofather.

Perhaps you could express your concerns about her being a bit too young to deal with this man. You could agree to consider it after she's had 6 months or a year of IC so she's more tools. Emphasize the tools that she needs, not that she needs to be fixed.

Its so scary. Lots of love to both of you.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8405 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 23
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