Two things stand out to me: first, the practice of slowing down to identify and focus on feelings, and to make sure our partner gets what weíre saying, and we get what theyíre saying. We already understood the idea of active listening and have been employing it, but this is even deeper, slower, more deliberate and more intentional. Itís not about problem-solving, itís about finding and being in touch with feelings and being skilled and sharing and hearing them. Iím not very good at it yet, but we are both ready to keep practicing.
Second, the incredible solidarity of spending a weekend with twenty couples who know EXACTLY how we are feeling and what we are struggling with. Not necessarily infidelity (because no one tells their stories except the presenting, trained couples), but hurt, pain, anguish, crisis, and risk of ending oneís relationship. The presenting couples have BEEN THERE DONE THAT and here they are giving back, paying it forward. It felt so good to be cared for by them and to have all the other couples around us. Even though I am not a religious person, I appreciated how nurturing it felt that there were couples all over the world praying for us last weekend.
I most definitely recommend this weekend for anyone considering it. Iím not sure I could have handled it before Aboutdamntime came out of the fog, but almost any time since then I think it would have been valuable. And for some couples maybe it can help their WS move out of the fog.
I wish it was in our state and that I actually felt like investing more in us but right now I just don't.
4 kiddos in lower 20's
ďSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."
Keep it in mind in case you are able at some point.
Rachelc - same to you. Some day, maybe. When you feel ready.
lilflower, I really hope you find a sitter, it is worth all the effort to make arrangements for the kids, good luck!