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Newest Member: What2do2014 (44300)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I answer the ex
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still working through D with the Ex who is also an L. I dropped my attorney and have been self representing since he was acting crazy to run up my legal bills (I'm getting one to help me prepare for the mediation).

It's been good for me on many levels. It's empowering to face and beat him at different hearings and I've come a long way, that's for sure.

At the last hearing the judge asked me if I wanted to try free, court mediation and I said sure. He had suggested it a few times, so I figured why not.

The ex never returned discovery when my L requested last July. I turned over my income and expense declaration, but ignored the hundreds of questions of admissions and interrogatories. They were irrelevant and his way of burying me in paper.

I should add, the ex has done so many looney things in court, that the judge always seems really annoyed and impatient with him.

With mediation late next month, he's blowing up my emails again. I've ignored his emails over the past couple of months which have gone from nasty to nice to self pitying.

I got another email today and he finally pushed the right buttons to get me to respond. Today, he approached me with "helpful advice."

I don't know if I should answer or not. I kind of like giving him crickets and giving myself peace.

Here's what I wrote (and saved):

"You did not comply with Former L's discovery request. Period. You have not sent anything back and I have the paper trail, so stop lying.

You are 100% in contempt of court and Former L was prepared to file sanctions against you.

You actually owe me discovery, so stop playing stupid games and wasting any more of life.

If you insist, then you can go explain to the judge why you are harassing me with your 600 IRRELEVANT and narcissistic questions.

By the way, here's the answer to every one of your discovery questions. Just copy and paste the following, since you have nothing but time on your hands.

"Objection, irrelevant and will not produce any relevant information pertinent to the facts of this case."

I already gave you my income and expense declaration and you have everything I am obligated to return to you per the law.

I know you think it doesn't apply to you, but that's not what being a member of the bar association means."

Should I send or keep giving crickets?

Mediation isn't until the end of May so I've got time to keep freezing him out.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What did he write to you? Your response is way too wordy. Keep it simple.

You have everything I am obligated to return to you per the law. As per the discovery request dated XXX you have not yet provided X, Y, Z. Please send these through ASAP and please stop the harassing, unsolicited and unnecessary contact.

Can something be done about a legal professional harassing someone under the guise of representing themselves? Can you call your Law Society? I'd be pulling out the big guns here.

A judge won't be looking through pages and pages of tit-for-tat. Just facts. Get too wordy and not only do you look like you're engaging but the facts are lost.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5441 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much. I think I wanted to sneak a few subtle digs in. I'll keep if straightforward and matter of fact. You're right, there's no need for more than that.

I can definitely pursue him with with the bar association and already have a few different issues I'll be pursuing, but cannot do so until the active case is resolved.

They have that rule to prevent people from using threats of complaints as leverage in pending cases.

Eta: he said he can't mediate without my discovery and if he doesn't get it, he will file a contempt charge which can also be a criminal charge with jail time.

[This message edited by Rainbows at 7:43 PM, April 7th (Monday)]


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
Inalittlewhile
♀ New Member
Member # 37801
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also a L. I would suggest continuing to freeze him out. Contact the bar association and put them on notice of his actions. File for sanctions against him.

Your ignoring him and doing what you have to do legally will speak much louder than entertaining his foolishness.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Louisiana
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets.

I wouldn't engage with him outside the courtroom, EVER, if I were you.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13566 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nomorestrength
♀ New Member
Member # 42257
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is also a L (not family law though) and he knows that his failure to comply or hiding money could cost him his bar license. Not responding to discovery seems like enough to be reported to the bar (I'm no expert though).

I have a L and have filed and my settlement or complaint (I can't remember which document) said something in there about harassing the other spouse. Maybe you could add that in? It sounds like he is really bold to keep testing the judge.

I commend you for doing this yourself! It all seems like a lot of templates that I could do more myself then have them look over it. I might need to consider this!


Posts: 44 | Registered: Jan 2014
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets.

You answered him when he sent discovery. If he's asking about something specific that's missing, then answer. Otherwise crickets.

He knows he hasn't answered your discovery! Why keep asking him? Let him hang himself and the court sanction him! Don't remind him, that's parenting him... It's not your job to remind him to send in his financials - that's his attorney's job. Don't do his job for him.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4855 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for responding. Your responses helped stop my trigger finger from hitting send. I'm always so grateful for the feedback and support here.

I'll contact the bar association again and see what I can do now. It's so frustrating that he seemingly is getting away with all those legal shenanigans.

I know things will change in due time, but it's frustrating when he keeps pushing issues and lies.

I have a restraining order against him where he can't, among other things, harass me or disturb my peace.

Can't wait for this nightmare to end. He keeps trying to bully and intimidate me into a legal separation instead of D.

I ignore, ignore, ignore, but every once in a while I just want to scream.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he said he can't mediate without my discovery and if he doesn't get it, he will file a contempt charge which can also be a criminal charge with jail time.

Pot? Meet kettle, right?
Do NOT attempt to mediate with this guy until you have all the information that you have requested.

What you need to be careful of, though, is that *you* are not off the hook for answering to the court for requests that he has made of you even if he has blown your requests off. If his discovery and interrogatory requests went through the court by motion....then you are obligated to answer it and if you don't, he CAN file compel/contempt charges against you. And the fact that *he* didn't answer *you* will not be a defense.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7706 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hopingforhappy
♀ Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He might be able to file a motion to compel, but he can't send you to jail. Any contempt charge (which you would have a chance to answer, BTW) would be civil contempt, not criminal contempt. It would take a whole lot to get a judge to jail you for civil contempt. He is just trying to scare you. Ignore and move ahead. (You must really be doing well--he is obviously running scared!)


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Aug 2010
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Should I send or keep giving crickets?

For God's sake, do not engage with this nutcase. No good will come of it. None. He's not going to suddenly wake up and become a rational person. He will grab your arm and pull you into the murky waters of the swamp that he lives in.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3181 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Rainbows
♀ Member
Member # 39362
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again for helping me. I came home from a long day at work and felt like responding again today. Ugh. What is wrong with me.

Oh, I must be reacting to his threat of jail. It's the only button he pushed that seems to still be working since it's been easy to ignore everything else.

Hopingforhappy, thanks for letting me know the drill. I'm much less intimidated by it now. You're right he starts making more threats when he feels he's losing.

He has all of my income and expense information and documentation. Everything he needs and exactly what my former L requested from him.

He's belly aching over those inane questions. For example, one question asked me to confirm or deny if my parents ever invited him to attend church with my family. He claims to be an atheist and said he was offended when they asked.

What does that have to do with the division of our community property?

I'm sure if he pushes it in front of our judge, he'll get tossed on his butt again. Our judge really doesn't like him and is always admonishing him.

I'll keep NC because I don't want to get dragged back down again. I'm finally starting to see more sunshine than rain in my life.


There is always a rainbow after every storm.

Posts: 390 | Registered: May 2013 | From: California
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Applause to you for crickets!!!!

Anytime I think "Just this one time, I'll hit send and majically XWH will realize what I'm talking about",it never happens, I get drug into a fight.

My atty advised me NOT to send anything in writing before our hearing because it could all get twisted around....

(((rainbows))))


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1973 | Registered: Jan 2012
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone would want to respond. And maybe throw a few digs. Our egos wan that.

You haven't. Good for you. Keep silent thus keeping your ego in check.

Follow the rules for mediation.

Any communication should be 'clinical' in nature - facts only, no opinion, ego or invective.

Keep up the good work!


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 14

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