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User Topic: Obsessed with OW
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:21 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have any idea how many posts say the exact there's your answer. Ow obsession is one of the hardest habits to break. I'm guilty of having my own for many months. It's because you want to know, to study, figure out what the hell made this person so enticing to ws. They may know a lot about us from ws but we know very little usually about this person that helped knock us on our ass. I kept trying to figure out, why her. She didnt look so hot but then what was it. So your obsession is very normal, but its something that you really have to battle to get past the urge to look them up, and its so damn easy, right? A few clicks and there they are and no one knows what your doing. My obsession just kind of faded with time but in the beginning..omg I was stalker material.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5171 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ New Member
Member # 43118
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg I am right there with u ..I am so obsessed . I found out everything I could about the ow. In the beginning it made me feel better because had this image in my mine that she was this perfect flawless woman but in reality she was as flawed as ever. But now it makes it worst cause I feel I am pretty good wife and yet he text and was more open to this woman who obviously has issues. So what is wrong with me??? I am trying to keep myself occupied with my kids and I am working out and reading a lot and trying to stay away from finding out more .. But I totally understand where u r coming from.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Jersey
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry you are struggling with this. I know it is so hard, but it seems to be quite normal. I agree with furious1... for me it has been about regaining a feeling of power. She drove by my house. She was in my vehicle. She was in my husband's office. She has seen my children. She had a year to find out anything she wanted to about me, and I barely knew she existed. I was posting pictures of me and my H looking happy and in love, and she was blowing him. I was the ignorant fool. Never again.

I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about her. I have seen every picture there is to see of her. I know who her mother is and who does her hair. I know what colour her underwear is and the colour of her kitchen walls. I know who her friends are, who her favourite bands are and everyone in her family who shares OC's middle name. I want to know more about her than my H knows about her. I HATE that they had lunch together, that they had stuff to talk about. More than the sex, I hate that. I hate that she was DATING my HUSBAND. He made her breakfast. She had his baby.

I feel like my OW obsession won't end as long as the OC situation is unresolved. She still has power in my life, and so I need to know my enemy.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I struggled with the same thing for a year. Until I realized that it was okay. We all heal differently and need different things to make the situation liveable. So, I did what most on here would say not to do. I sent the OW a letter on Dday anniversary a year later outlining what I felt about her. I also included a letter my fWH wrote about how he regretted what he did to me, how he loved me, what I meant to him, and how he felt about her (which was disgust). Finding this site too late in the after A, we never did a NC letter. So, I guess in some respect it was a NC letter of sorts...just a bit more harsh.

And yes he does feel indifferent about her to all you fellow SI that are on that band wagon-I forced him to tell me how he felt if he didn't feel indifference. At that point in my healing-indifference meant Jack shit to me. I wanted him to HATE her. Even if me having that type of HATE scared him. I am the type of person, who always saw the best in people and surrounded myself with a lot of different people. So it WAS scary for even me. Now, I have reached pity for her.

But anyways...back to the story....

I needed her to be taken down a peg or two. Call me whatever you want, but I didn't start this shit hole. I will be damned if some easy piece of work whore walked around thinking she was all that by getting my husband to cheat on his wife. I will be damned if she walked out of that relationship with an ego-trip.

It was the best thing I did to fix that issue. It was liberating to send that letter.

Never heard from her again. It has been 7 months since that was sent. And yes he had NC and did not break it with her since D-day other than forced to work with her on a handful of occasions months later.

After that, I never wasted my energy on her again. Chapter closed.

Me-BW 39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've gotten better about this and did it mainly like plainpain states: Know your enemy.

Until dday I didn't know I had an enemy and really she's my first enemy. So had to get used to that too. Hating someone so much was new to me...

Now I just monitor indirectly and occasionally. Her teenage son just complained on twitter that his mom is out all nite and doesn't let her kids know where she is implying he thinks she's a slut. I took this as a good sign that she has moved onto her next victim.

I can't stand to look at any pictures of OW. It makes me ill and evil drips from it.

When you get this out of your system you will feel much relief. This is a process and you will be able to let the obsession go and that is something to look forward to because it will bring you peace.

[This message edited by whattheh at 9:21 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 575 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wrote 2 letters to OW but did not send them. I think I will send her one once my WH moves back to the U.S. because at that point he will for sure be NC with her just through logistics. I mean she could technically fly here but I will put a GPS tracker on his vehicle if I have to and monitor the situation until I feel he has gained my 100% trust. Of course we will have to be in complete R and both be in counseling.

She will get my letter in time. Right now if I send it she could go off her nut and try to harm him. She started to come at me when I confronted them at their office. She can be a violent person is my take on her in the few short minutes I encountered her. I'm glad she does not live in the U.S. She's NASTY.

Him: WS, 51 LTA EA PA
Me: BS 52
OW: Caribbean whore, ugly
What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Posts: 161 | Registered: Apr 2014
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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