Message: I'm in a tough place.
I'm way beyond the acute pain of this all. But I can't let it go. I am (was?) SUCH a positive person and I feel like I'm almost a glass half empty person now and it's driving me crazy.
I *think* I would rather work it out than get a divorce. We have two little girls and I want them to live the happiest life they can, and I think that involves both parents TOGETHER if at all possible.
WH wants to work it out. At this point, I have tested that every way possible. BUT I don't think he has completely come clean. I mean, I guess it's possible he's telling the truth about everything but my gut and the evidence says no.
So I can't seem to let it go. He travels all the time, which makes it worse. He's gone now for a week. I used to really be sad and now...I'm fine. I'm more used to taking care of everything myself at this point than with him.
I'm really trying to focus on the positive but I don't really know where to go from here. One step at a time, I guess. But...can you reconcile when you truly believe you don't know the whole truth after a year or two has elapsed?
OW1 is leaving the firm next month, which will help. But he's already got another female "good friend," which I truly think IS just a good friend. But there's always the potential for a slippery slope. Ugh.
I wouldn't give up my girls for anything but sometimes I wish I hadn't left my ex. He was about as true blue as you could ever get.