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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I want to break NC. I need advice.
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have honestly said " Fuck you and FUCK HER! Get your own damn pics and send them. Don't call me with this type of bullshit again. EVER! and hung up. But, I am not good when someone bitches because of something that they wanted but didn't do anything to help.

Wondertwat must have bitched about it. I can not really see a man throwing a fit because she was not included. "Oh I was not included or my kids and we are family now" (as she stomps her foot) I want to be noticed!

The other thing.... They may be family but they are not truly family! When they end up divorced they have no promises to keep in touch like we have to. I have seen this repeatedly with blended families that end up divorced. Shit I been there 3 times with my mom.

You did the right thing.. You got pics of your sons family on both parents sides. The bitch doesn't have to be included by you at ALL!

And I would send it. I get sick and tired of these ASS's getting to treat us however they want and we have to stay quiet. Sorry!

I believe in NC but there are times that you have to put your foot down and then go dark or they keep doing it.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2665 | Registered: Aug 2011
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I probably would send a one or two sentence email to the effect of: "You were aware of this, but did not provide DS with any photos. That was your responsibility to do so if you wanted photos of your family to be included."

I, personally, think you went above and beyond by including him and his family at all.

Nothing annoys me more than people who want the appearance of being a great parent, but does none of the behind the scenes work.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Feb 2010
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An emotionally healthy stepmother would not have a problem with not being included, especially within the first handful of years. It takes time to build bonds.

Now what you have is "insta-family" OWife is feeling insecure....she is peeing on her territory through her weak ass new husband. And they are trying to bully you.

Ignore those fools. You did great for your child.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2677 | Registered: Jan 2010
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When he said that CommandOwife and her kids were "also an important part of DS #1's life," I wanted to say to him, "Really? Are you sure about that? Or are you confusing what they mean to you with what they mean to him?"

Better yet, they are an important part of XWH's IMAGE, which he still feels that he has to manage. Um, dude... you barely have any friends, your family lives far away and likely doesn't make you the center of their worlds, and my family and friends know what you've done and want nothing to do with you... the only person you're managing your image for is yourself. Why does that matter to you if you've done nothing wrong?

Yeah... I need to get to "meh."


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not email him, because then he has proof for him and Ms. Ashley Madison to read over and over and bond together while they laugh at your response.

Next time, and there will be a next time where he shows his ass with some foolishness, since you never respond, I think a well timed figurative punch to the nose would be appropriate.

If my XWH were to DARE call me (he never does) and give me a hard time about not including pictures of OW when family pictures were required, my response would have been something along the lines of "Are you fucking kidding me? You must be out of your mother fucking mind!"

It has to be spur of the moment, not an email much later. Timing is everything.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3350 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
suckstobeme
♀ Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen, these morons are simply gluttons for punishment. He's with a woman (I'll call her that only because of her alleged anatomy) who can't stand the thought of not being the center of attention and the center of everyone's world. This woman comes to your house for every drop off and pick up when she lives a total of 5 minutes away. She goes there in some sort of pathetic wild west show down so that she can sit in the car like an asshole and let you know - for the millionth time - that she lives with your man in your old house. Why? Because she's an insecure twit who has to lift her leg to piss on his past life and mark what she considers to be her territory. Just like my ex and the slunt - she will never let him within a mile of you because she's terrified that he will remember his past with fondness and that he will finally open his eyes to see his future with nothing but horror.

It's ironic that the people who so badly wanted their "freedom" from the tethers of marriage were stupid enough to walk right into the bear traps that these OW set. Dudes like him hate to be trapped. He's only swimming against the current at this point to try to convince himself and you that he's as happy as he's ever been and that he and COW whistle zipped-zoo-dah out of their assholes every morning at the breakfast table.

Seriously?

You know better. He actually KNOWS you know better, but he's like a captain who feels compelled to go down with the ship. I say cling to it, dummy, because in a few years when COW starts cheating and your kids don't want to see you anymore, that shame is the only thing you'll have left.

I agree with Sparky - don't send an email. In fact, I would never put a good punch in the face response in writing. (I'm Italian - we prefer to not have any tangible evidence.) The next time he pulls this controlling crap, either hang up on him in mid sentence or tell him to go shit in his hat and then hang up. He doesn't deserve anymore of a thoughtful response - he's too stupid to get it anyway.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2797 | Registered: Jan 2011
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen, these morons are simply gluttons for punishment. He's with a woman (I'll call her that only because of her alleged anatomy) who can't stand the thought of not being the center of attention and the center of everyone's world. This woman comes to your house for every drop off and pick up when she lives a total of 5 minutes away. She goes there in some sort of pathetic wild west show down so that she can sit in the car like an asshole and let you know - for the millionth time - that she lives with your man in your old house. Why? Because she's an insecure twit who has to lift her leg to piss on his past life and mark what she considers to be her territory. Just like my ex and the slunt - she will never let him within a mile of you because she's terrified that he will remember his past with fondness and that he will finally open his eyes to see his future with nothing but horror.
It's ironic that the people who so badly wanted their "freedom" from the tethers of marriage were stupid enough to walk right into the bear traps that these OW set. Dudes like him hate to be trapped. He's only swimming against the current at this point to try to convince himself and you that he's as happy as he's ever been and that he and COW whistle zipped-zoo-dah out of their assholes every morning at the breakfast table.

I've never read a better description of it.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4090 | Registered: Sep 2005
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I'm not sending him anything now. It would be the equivalent of being shoved to the ground and spit on by the bully while everyone watches, and then yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, you're a dumb poopyhead!" five minutes later after the bully is gone. Kind of lame and pointless at that point.

It's so hard not to lash out. Thanks for talking me down, everyone. It would have made me feel good for a few hours, and then I'm certain that I would have regretted it.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3606 | Registered: Oct 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Next time, though, direct and immediate verbal response. He's getting a little too big for his britches.

I'm Italian - we prefer to not have any tangible evidence.
I'm Irish. We feel the same. NEVER give them written proof. Verbal can always be denied.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3350 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stay NC.
Anything you explain won't be heard.
COW rode his ass,, she feels unaccepted. Boo hoo.
COW took it out on him he took it out on you.
NC NC NC NC

Posts: 4703 | Registered: Dec 2009
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this guy fucking for real??? OMG! I would be so tempted to send him something and tell him off but I guess it's probably best not to.

First of all, she's not family. She's a whore.

Secondly, you owe him NOTHING. You are obligated to do NOTHING for him. You were very nice in sending pics of his family, which you didn't have to do. Hell would freeze over before I sent over any pics of some stupid OW whore.

Don't justify yourself to him. Give no explanations as to why you did anything. He is not privy to that information anymore. As SBB said, "It is not up to you to make sure his whorebag insta-family is adequately represented." and that's the truth. In fact, if it ever happens again I would say just that and then hang up the phone.

I will not speak my my X-hole. I would never answer the phone if he called. If it were an emergency he can use voice mail or text. I refuse to speak to the sorry excuse for a human being.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1575 | Registered: Aug 2010
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:33 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it came up again in the future, I'd say something to the effect of "OW is your family, not DS" and hang up.

You went well above and beyond in the first place.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 752 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Topic Posts: 32
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