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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: t/j on why's
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read about the great work catlover has done - realized how her husband's FOO issues, hypersexuality, depression, etc contributed to the perfect storm of his affair. She knows this and has empathy for him. In an older post by WAL, he states knowing how our WS's soul could get so brittle that they would chose an affair is paramount to developing empathy and coming out of this.

Thing is, my husband had a fairly good childhood. He has never suffered from depression. I never noticed him to have a huge ego, although there were a couple sneaky things he did over the years. Which points to one thing that caused his affairs - my actions. Maybe I should have more empathy for him because of this. I do. And I understand how he got to that point. For one affair. I suppose I should understand how he did his 2nd one because not only did he have anger but now shame. And reached for the same coping strategy. But this is the thing I can't seem to muster empathy for. This is where I'm stuck. Maybe it'll come in time.

But is the opposite of empathy non-forgiveness? resentment? Because those don't belong in a marriage either. HE prefers to think of his affairs and not two but a span of time. Should I think of it like this?

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:09 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which points to one thing that caused his affairs - my actions.

Even if this were true, rachelc, even if: there was still something inside him that made him feel having RAs was the appropriate course of action to take. And whatever that something is, it is independent of you and your actions.

HE prefers to think of his affairs and not two but a span of time. Should I think of it like this?

If it doesn't feel right or valid to you, then you're under no obligation to see it that way. I can kind of see his point...behaviors under the same umbrella of a shitty coping mechanism to trauma...but then there still remains the question of WHY was that the coping mechanism he chose?

From what you have posted over the years, he seems very reluctant to explore "why" beyond any further than "You did it first." That is not taking personal responsibility. That is blaming someone else for his crappy behavior, and that doesn't rationally fly in ANY situation. There is another reason.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Remarried.


Posts: 2227 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is… a person's childhood could look idyllic but it rarely is… I have heard people say that there is some dysfunction in every family.

If anyone looked at my childhood from the outset or my WH's for that matter, they look idyllic. My WH's actually was more so than mine. My first post on this site and my first session in IC has me stating that my childhood was 'beaver cleaver like'.

It was anything but.

My WH's A is what unraveled all of my FOO and issues and poor coping, etc…

Is it possible that your A was a catalyst that did the same? Maybe, but I would venture to say that there were deep seeded issues probably buried within your WH then. Can't beat yourself up about that. He made choices.

I don't know the stories of how your WH went from one OW to the second one. I don't know the time frame or anything else. Could it be that it was a 'time frame'? Maybe. Maybe that will help YOU cope with your reality that he did have two OW.

He did choose to have two OW. Has he owned up to why? What he was thinking and where his mind was at the time? I don't think you can make logical sense of it on this side of the A, Rachel. Affairs are not logical. They are selfish. They are self serving.

Part of perhaps coming to terms with this is to look at your M as a whole. Was it primarily good? Can you view this as a time period where you BOTH lost your way away from each other? Then perhaps you could view this as a time period. Right now you seem stuck in the "whose was worse" spiral. From reading about other mad hatters, it seems that argument is never won. I think if you WANT to move past it you will have to come to acceptance of it. You might have to look at it in terms of a time period. And you might have to offer the grace of forgiveness that you are also seeking from your WH. Not forgiveness of the A's per se, but forgiveness for being human.

[This message edited by brokensmile322 at 8:29 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Jun 2012
rachelc
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Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really don't think I'm stuck with who's was worse. Heck, we don't have to make the same decision to stay or leave even. It was all pain. Maybe he can forgive me and I can't him or vice versa and that's ok. I just can't see my way clear to get to empathy after he did it a 2nd time. He saw what it did to me and he did it again. I can't put a human face to that cruelty.

Has he owned up to why?

yeah, he was emasculated by what I did and still angry and wanted those good feelings to continue so that's why he sought out another affair.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
sudra
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Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think a strong sense of entitlement can be enough to allow one to have an affair. Doesn't take childhood trauma to have that. And that can come from the way parents interact with a child but I also think it can develop over time just from the tapes one plays in one's own head.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1495 | Registered: Nov 2010
brokensmile322
♀ Member
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure everyone reaches empathy. I think it is understandable to have empathy for someone who is a CSA.

There are a ton of people though who choose to have A's that don't have CSA in their history. Their decisions were just pure selfish, shitty behavior. I am not sure anyone can empathize with that. I think they come to acceptance.

He states that the reason he did it was because he felt emasculated. But even having that feeling, he could have chose differently. Why was an A or a second A an option for him? Why was that his coping mechanism?


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Jun 2012
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In an older post by WAL, he states knowing how our WS's soul could get so brittle that they would chose an affair is paramount to developing empathy and coming out of this.
Do you have a link for this? I'd be interested in reading it.

I think that is well-tread territory for you by now, but you're well aware that we don't control others, we can only control our responses to others....well, the same thing goes for your husband.

Listen, I'm sure it could certainly be the case that you are the reason he told himself he was having an affair...but, that's not the same thing as it being the actual reason that he had it. You (or your relationship) was simply the lie he told himself in order to be able to justify taking that old broken coping mechanism out of the toolbag...

I think that for a great many people, when we search for the 'Why' of an affair, we're asking the wrong question. We focus too much on the specific question of "Why did they cheat?", and the answers we tend to get back can be a mix of truths, half-truths, blame-shifting, justifications, etc.

I think the real 'Why' question is "Why was cheating in their grab bag of emotional responses?" I like this question better, because the answer requires a less superficial answer. This question cannot be answered with a simple "My spouse made me sad! ", because coping mechanisms for unhappiness are put into place long before we probably were ever in the picture.

Maybe your husband's childhood was damn-near idyllic. It doesn't really matter...unhappiness is relative to the person's life. What was traumatic or damaging for him is almost certainly different than what was formative for you, or I.

But is the opposite of empathy non-forgiveness? resentment? Because those don't belong in a marriage either. HE prefers to think of his affairs and not two but a span of time. Should I think of it like this?
I think you frame it however feels most comfortable (or correct) to you...it can still be two separate affairs while still being recognized as a period of generally dark thinking. I'm sure that for a great many WS, the affair wasn't the only shitty behavior they exhibited during the affair period...so I don't really view it as an either/or situation.

I think that you can heal and move on without forgiving...but that may just be me. I agree that the resentment is poisonous, though, and something that needs to be addressed in IC, probably. I still feel that myself, no great advice to be given, sorry.

You know most of this already though, as far as not blaming yourself...so what's going on that's eating at you?


I keep my mind on my future/and my eyes on the sky/I don't really smile much/If you were there you'd know why.

Posts: 2164 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: City in the Midwest/Best In The Whole Wide World
rachelc
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Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He states that the reason he did it was because he felt emasculated. But even having that feeling, he could have chose differently. Why was an A or a second A an option for him? Why was that his coping mechanism?

he understands he should have chosen differently and wished he had. He didn't do any of the work after my affair or after his first affair. He just coped. That is what I am most angry about. I put books in front of him, dragged him to therapy. He just wouldn't face what I did and there was nothing I could do but let him fall.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509615&HL=14393

thread with several great responses by many people...

yeah, I know the drill and to not blame myself.
What's eating at me - probably seeing OW2 and her smiling at me Saturday that just fucking threw me. I saw OW1 in the paper on Monday and I recovered from that just fine.

he's being great. I would really like to keep moving forward though. I think it's possible not to have empathy or forgiveness and stay, although it would sure be easier. But resentment, not so much.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because those don't belong in a marriage either. HE prefers to think of his affairs and not two but a span of time. Should I think of it like this?

it sounds right to me. I can also identify vulnerable periods in my H's life (he many As).

I don't think that there is often single causality, which is too simplified. More often a cascade of circumstances, reasons, vulnerabilities meeting with opportunity or whatever, and as well as the internal (FOO, self esteem and whatnot) not least are the external factors at play: society and the media glamorisation of affairs and for me the quite sincere belief by many that it is not destructive. My FWH for one, and I can see also now echoed on today's Waywards' posts, had no idea that infidelity could be as devastating and hurtful as it was. Neither did I. That is why something like Shirley Glass's Not Just Friends makes a great wedding gift. A prevailing moral high ground just sends it underground; education and information, we BSs and former WSs coming out about it (to de-stigmatise the BS) and telling how it is, and how it can be avoided, can hopefully increase the pool of self-knowledge and empathy that we need in this world, on this subject and others.


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5123 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
sisoon
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Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what would you be doing/thinking feeling differently to show 'empathy'? you might be holding yourself to an unreasonable standard.

you didn't emasculate him. he felt emasculated - that's very different, and it's his problem. I felt emasculated, too, and my response was to reset our M contract right quick, and not in my W's favor.

I fail to see how hooking up with another married woman makes me more of a man after an A. No matter how many women your h & I fuck, we wear horns, given to us by the women we care most about. the fact that your h didn't see this is a real problem - his.

According to Shirley Glass, As happen in good Ms because of WS's bad boundaries. Maybe idyllic childhoods don't teach strong boundaries.

besides, you & your h have had a rough road. R is a process that requires lots of change and it takes a long time to get everything done. you've made a lot of progress, and you don't sound ready to stop. not empathic now? screw it - if it's really important, it'll probably come to you in the future.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10354 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Neverwudaguessed
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Member # 41884
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are so far ahead of me in this process and have done so much more work than I have yet so I feel a little uncomfortable responding to this post because I do not presume to know more about this subject, but I have had to struggle with the fact that my husband had an affair 13 years prior to the affair he had most recently, and finding out about that second one (really the first) a month and a half after the first DDAy was absolutely devastating.
The way I have come to TRY to deal with this is that both times he was under tremendous stress. I have known that his coping skills are almost non-existent, and it is clear that he chose to deal with this overwhelming stress by looking to his old girlfriend for ego stroking to feel better. I have said to him, "how can I know that you won't just go back to her the next time you are experiencing overwhelming stress again???" He says, that is easy: because I have done the work and have support in place... He tells me that that second affair happened because while he knew the first one did not make him feel better, he had not developed any healthy coping skills, nor was he connected to his feelings or to me because of the wall he had put up to protect him against difficult or complex emotions. My point is that nothing happened to fix how my husband dealt with the heavy stuff in life, or the day to day stressors for that matter. He looked like he was functioning well on the outside, but that is not what was happening on the inside. Now he is in touch with what is going on inside of him, and works to connect with it, process it and express it. The hope is that all of this work keeps him from being vulnerable to having an affair again. So when I look at it this way, I actually view those two affairs as the time before he got healthy (albeit a 13 year time span), but the second one could only happen because nothing had changed over those 13 years to make a different outcome. During that time in between the two affairs, it was clear that we were not connected and that he resisted feeling anything at all, so I begged for him to go to MC. He flat out refused. After I found out about the first affair, I was furious because he knew what he did, and he still did not agree to go do the work to get healthy. (similar to your husband not doing the reading, exploring the why's, etc.) My IC feels that until the affairs came out and he hit bottom, his issues were so overwhelming to him that he could not have allowed himself to be that vulnerable to the flood of emotions that comes from self-exploration. Your husband had his two affairs within 5 months, right? It does not sound like he was ready to face what had become of your lives after the first. So it took the second to make him see it. If that second affair was the catalyst for his becoming healthy and figuring out why he did what he did, (definately deeper than simply you did it so he his was reactionary and therefore your fault), then it really could have been a span of time where he was spiraling towards bottom, was almost there after his first affair, but still in the fog, ripe for the second? Do you feel that he has just scratched the surface for his why, or do you think that he truly understands why he chose to treat his feelings of emasculation by having an affair instead of leaving you or going to the gym or getting into counseling, etc. I do know that I had a childhood that would probably be described as "normal" but being in this mess was nothing that I was prepared for, fairly well adjusted or not. There is probably something in the dynamics of his family that triggered his response to being cheated on. Maybe he can look at the roles that his mother and father took on in their marriage and what message was passed on to him about how his father was viewed within the family system. There may be some subtle message about the male role in a marriage, and how masculinity is defined and played out within the family. Maybe I am reaching; only he will know what rings true about his why. But maybe that deeper layer would help you to gain empathy for him, if you can truly understand the impact of all of that on how he was feeling.


BW: 44 Me
WH:48
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
DS 13
DD 11

Posts: 642 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
peoplepleaser
♀ Member
Member # 41535
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm wondering if there are different levels of "why." I know that early on I understood "why" even though I didn't experience full empathy. The easy "why" is how one is feeling at the time. My WS needed to feel good about herself and wanted to feel desired. Your WH said he felt emasculated and wanted to feel good. But the real "why" is answering the question about HOW an A was an option. What was it that was broken in him that made an A a choice at that time? I'm not sure from your posts if you've gotten an answer for that, other than revenge maybe. I don't know much about RAs, but I'm guessing that for an RA to be a viable option there is more than just the damage done by the BS's A. I'm thinking that if it were that simple, then a lot more RAs would happen. In my WS's case, she avoided conflict, was uncomfortable even having need much less voicing them, and had a history of finding her worth in how others responded to her sexually in addition to being able to meet others emotional needs by fixing them or nurturing them. The times she had her EAs I was either unfixable or seemed to not need her.

Not actually exploring the depth of the "why" has to feel unsafe in a way, I would think. If you don't understand what exactly was broken, then how do you fix it? What happens if he feels unhappy in the future? How do you know that it won't happen again if he hasn't addressed the core of his "why?" It would make a difference if he acknowledged feelings of inadequacy that lead to sexual expression, for example. Then you have something to work with to address and reshape within the marriage. There would be examples of specific behaviors that have changed so that if those behaviors stop in the future you have a point of reference for going down the same road.

And of course you are angry that he saw the devestation from the first one and then did it again. I would be, too. Heck, I'd even be angry that he FELT the devestation from yours and did it the first time. Finding empathy after what you two have been through would be difficult given the circumstances.

[This message edited by peoplepleaser at 11:48 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


WS: 39--2 EAs
BS: 39--me, faithful
DS: 6
9 year relationship in R.
DDay #1: September 6, 2013 EA for 5 weeks August 2013.
DDay #2: January 2, 2014 EA for 6 weeks summer 2011.
"I am still learning." -Michelangelo

Posts: 701 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Which points to one thing that caused his affairs - my actions.

Even if this were true, rachelc, even if: there was still something inside him that made him feel having RAs was the appropriate course of action to take. And whatever that something is, it is independent of you and your actions.

THis goes back to the you can lead a horse to water thing. I strongly agree with the above quote.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My God, these are great responses. You've all really challenged me to think. Sisoon you are right - I shouldn't be reaching for empathy so fast if I just now forgave the first one.

One of the questions I've asked him recently is what his coping mechanisms are now... he answered with a list of a few things, which was good.

He says he wasn't thinking straight, and that's HOW he justified. But I don't buy that. And neither does MC. But that's his job to work through. He's going back to IC soon.

then it really could have been a span of time where he was spiraling towards bottom, was almost there after his first affair, but still in the fog, ripe for the second

neverwulda - this makes me teary and of course its true. There is nothing I could do to stop it.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you confusing empathy and compassion for total absolution?

I shouldn't be reaching for empathy so fast if I just now forgave the first one.

I disagree.

Antonyms for RESENTMENT:
calm
calmness
cheer
comfort
delight
friendliness
good will
happiness
joy
kindness
love
pleasure
sweetness
sympathy
affection

Synonyms for EMPATHY:
affinity
appreciation
compassion
insight
pity
rapport
sympathy
warmth
comprehension
being on same wavelength
being there for someone

I think all of the above are reasonable long-term expectations in a marriage.

I also wonder if you are looking at a move to another town as re-payment for his 2 A?
If so, a re-post of the "consequences and punishment" thread:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=524220&AP=1&HL=



Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you confusing empathy and compassion for total absolution?

maybe. probably? but regarding the 2nd affair all I can come up with is, "you fucking douchebag." pretty far from compassion.

repayment? I don't want to move either. I want him to be successful in his job and not suffer as he is living his dream job the last few years. I would just want to move so we would have more good days because when I see OW, it's a bad day. And this last time when OW2 smiled at me - well it's been a bad week. Today, I prayed for her (MC's suggestion) I mean - I am trying EVERYTHING!

[This message edited by rachelc at 1:25 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would just want to move so we would have more good days because when I see OW, it's a bad day. And this last time when OW2 smiled at me - well it's been a bad week.

I had about 6 sessions of EMDR to help deal with it. EMDR allowed me to transform that picture of them so that she's a paper doll. When I see her, she becomes real again.

I think that second quote bears further exploration by you.

I've never done EMDR, but isn't the goal of most therapy to allow us to feel safe in the moment, as opposed to continually feel fear and threat from an event in past?

Since OW1 and OW2 are, in fact, real -- and not paper dolls -- you must be (re)experiencing unresolved trauma.

Freud would probably pontificate on the paper doll/newspaper trigger.

[This message edited by IWantDoOver at 2:27 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iwanto - I have no idea. I will never be good/ok seeing them. Even if the trauma goes away, it's unfair and I resent it.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5266 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
IWantDoOver
Member
Member # 39440
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will never be good/ok seeing them. Even if the trauma goes away, it's unfair and I resent it.

I don't want to move either.

Yep, you've painted yourself into a corner.

Sending you prayers


Peace

Posts: 212 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 20

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