Just curious, about all of your thoughts on this topic. I just found out that for about the last month or so WH has been on here, not posting himself but reading my posts. I have been pushing him to come on here and reach out to help him. But that's not exactly what he is doing. He only comes on here to see if I posted and then to read them. I am not sure how I feel about this, since he was doing it behind my back, and had no intention of telling me he was doing it. Part of me wants to step back and not be so brutally honest on here now, but he needs to know these things anyways. And I do NOT want to lose my only place I can talk about this with people that get it. I have no one in RL to go over these things with, and definitely no one that gets it. So I don't want to give it up, and I won't give it up completely! I NEED YOU GUYS!!! I tend to start a topic and then I start rambling on and the more I ramble on the more my true deep feelings (usually that I haven't even realized) start to come out, and then I get the real answers or help I need. I do not want to give that up, I don't want to hold back. But I have stopped myself from posting here until now, for that exact reason because I know he will see it.
I don't know, any thoughts from those of you that are in a similar situation, or have your ws on here as well?
And yeah I am sure he will read this so yeah
What each of us need on this journey is highly personal. And it makes complete sense that some need this to be a private personal place, first and foremost.
Not to say that I don't communicate with her but since this has all happened sometimes its easier to write out what you are thinking but I don't write them in hopes of her reading them.
Now, if I ever contemplate divorce, I'd be more circumspect.
Also, I want our communications to be direct. By making each other's posts off limits, neither of us is tempted to hope the other sees a post of ours on SI.
We don't read each other's posts, and it seems to work for us. I recommend that when someone asks for a recommendation, but each couple has to make its own decision.
I have nothing to hide from FWH. He doesn't read here, but if he did, he would not be shocked by my blunt style and anything I said. Yeah, it might hurt his feelings if I was being venty, but he would understand why I was saying what I was saying. And why I say it here and not to his face.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
Now scaredyKat, part of what I have been posting was about leaving him. Not right now, but in the future, when I am done with school. He knows this is my plan at the moment, yet I don't think he believes me. So I am not actually hiding things from him. I am just way more blunt on here then in RL.
I guess part of me is upset because he had no plans to tell me about finally coming here, or about reading my posts. So I kina feel violated. He also hasn't shared his user name with me, he claims he forgot it because it just keeps him logged in on his phone. I know he knows how he can figure it out, even if he really did forget. But for whatever reason he hasn't figured it out yet.
I am just going to keep posting on here like I always have. Once I start typing things just start flowing and I will forget he will read it, and then oh well, at least he knows what's going through my mind at that exact moment. And he can see others responses and see that I am not alone in these feelings. I just wish he would utilize the whole site and not just my posts. But maybe in time ???
Thanks again to everyone that replied
I absolutely hate any secrecy in our marriage. If we are going to get past this A crap and follow through in R, we both have to be an open book. I have nothing to hide and neither should he.
If we were not in R and headed for D, it would be different.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
He knows my username here. If he wanted to read my posts, he could. There isn't anything I say here that I wouldn't want him to know. But I know he doesn't look. The truth is painful I guess?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
What gets me about her attitude towards SI and sharing things about us is that during the A she had no problem sharing very very personal details about my sexual preferences with someone else, who then proceeded to throw it in my face as if I'm some kind of freak. I'm a fairly open person sexually but there are things I have never told another living sole about myself that I had revealed to her and she proceeded to share those details with random people who A) don't know me, B) don't give 2 shites about her or me, and C) used the info and threw it back in my face via a text message on her phone right after dday.
But to get back to the original point... I really don't care one iota if she knows I post on here or not.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think (A A Milne)
That said, if there is something I would post that upsets her, it's a great topic for conversation later.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.
i feel i showed the horse to water, even fed it salt all along the way to make it thirsty, but i cant make the horse drink. i told her that i thought she should post and read my posts.
i post frequently and read much, much more. she posted 4 times and allowed her thread to die.
i WISH she would post more. i WISH she would actually read my posts so she could understand more. that she doesnt do either does bother me.
from 09/11 - 05/13
2 ONS, 10 sexting partners, 1 LT EA/PA
??/06/13 DD/1 - admits to LT EA, begin false R.
01/13/14 DD/2 - LTA was PA.
01/18/14 DD/3 - sexting 5 guys.
01/19/14 DD/4 - 2 ONS with different guys