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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Male vs. female APs?
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am wondering whether folks see differences in trends of behavior between male APs and female APs?

As I read posts from female SI'ers many of the comments talk about the OWs wanting to be visible in the XH's social/family circles. They are portrayed as overbearing and dominating the XH, and often wanting the BS to know that they won their XH.

When I read male SI'ers posts about their XW, I don't see that same description of the OMs. The OMs don't seem to be demanding a presence in the XWs social/family network. Generally it seems like they don't want the BS to know about them (I know my STBX's manfriend has avoided me...according to his wife he closed the blinds in their home on the morning after dday because he was afraid I would come over and tell her). Male SIers generally talk about their XWs as wanting to party and "live the life".

I am wondering if there is something to this difference in APs or whether the gender difference is in what we SIers choose to post about?

Thoughts?


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 659 | Registered: Aug 2013
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've heard through the grapevine that my STBXWH wants to bring his AP "into the fold" so to speak. Don't want to go into too much detail here, but he seems to be following a different pattern than you observed. Then again, my STBXWH thinks the only rules he has to follow are the ones he makes. Haven't heard a peep from AP, but she is several states away. That's just what I've observed, and I'm not sure there's a discernible pattern with my case.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do find a difference in OW vs OM. In my experience and personally with a OW she was very very demanding. She was out to have a family with my wh. She thought it would be her dd and my kids with them. She was a evil woman. Telling me I had to share my wh. She would ask if we were having sex, if I was leaving him, she would call me the C*@t. That was her name for me. She looked up my public records or so she thought wrong person same name and told wh... So I got a call at work one day by him stating this that and the other and it was not even me, funny thing is he should have known it was not me as we were together at that time for 17 years.
She text me every time they were fighting stating that I could have him and that she wanted stuff back that she gave him.. I had no idea that she gave him this stuff as he told me he bought it or someone gave it to him.
She said he was her best friend ever (only 3 months of knowing him) lol.... How they talked about marriage and that we were getting a divorce. How he was very protective of her when they were out drinking... blah blah blah.... It never stopped and I was blamed for it all until I changed my phone number and she said she was going to call me and tell me everything.. he laughed because I changed my number and that is when he started to see her for what she was other than she was cheating on him with other co workers. But this went on for years.

I have never known a man to really want the MW I think for a man he knows the MW is no keeper for the long haul. Men don't want a HO for a woman. And most of the time when the challenge is over the A goes down the tubes and ends fast. Where OW's think they won a prize until the real life kicks in.

Either way.... They are all fucked up and to be honest, my wh is not in an A but he now has WH thinking...and that is why we are heading for the big D. The A either bought out what he always was or it did change him! They are both sick for how I was treated like I was nothing but a person to deliberately hurt!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
westgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 42090
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard from my son that my STBX wants my children (older) to meet his AP. They want no part of her. However, his AP is active in bringing her children to be part of his life. And the AP had my STBX involved in her children's lives for a long time. So, it seems like she was the more aggressive one of the pair.

[This message edited by westgirl at 3:58 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 9 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 4

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