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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Accountability victory
somethingremorse
♂ Member
Member # 42047
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW has tracker on my phone, and I tell her everywhere I am going. On Monday, I had an unscheduled visit to a client. This client is in a complete dead zone for cell reception. I have been there before and no one could contact me.

So on my way, I left a voice mail for BW, telling her where I was going, and reminding her that my cell phone would probably not show up.

As I was leaving after my appointment, I got a text that said "I can't find your cell phone, where are you." Ten seconds later I got "Nevermind, I just checked messages." I still called right away to make sure she hadn't triggered too badly.

Later on, BW felt sheepish. She said that she almost never checks my phone.

First of all, I don't believe that she almost never checks. More importantly, I actually love it when she does. I feel like every chance I have to prove myself to BW, no matter how small, that I am doing a little bit to rebuild our M. I in no way feel mistrusted, or that my privacy is being invaded, or anything like that.

I know that even the next decade of being where I say I will be is nothing compared to the years of lies and deception. But every good thing is better than nothing at all.


Me: WH (42)
DDay 11/03/13
In MC and IC

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
BrokenButTrying
♀ Member
Member # 42111
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's fantastic!

Well done for reassuring your wife, you did everything right to make her feel safe.

Every bit of trust you restore, no matter how small, is important to her. Tiny baby steps but they all count.


Me - 27
Him - 27
Madhatters

My Ddays - 01/10 & 12/04/14
His Dday - 23/12/13

Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. I can do this.


Posts: 1230 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: UK
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a BS, that phone call would have meant the WORLD to me! Good job!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4671 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
splitintwo
♀ Member
Member # 42951
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS with known triggers here.

I agree 100% with Skan. That phone call would have meant the world to me. I cannot tell you how many times I've explained my triggers to people who *should care. And too often, they don't. To feel heard, respected, understood with one gesture = priceless.

Well done.


BH: 42
WW: 37
LTA ended Jan. 1, 2014; NC started in April.
Married 17 years.
No DDay; this, like all of life's decisions, is a work in progress.

My best thinking brought me to SI.


Posts: 213 | Registered: Mar 2014
Ihtoiltm
♀ New Member
Member # 41015
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your post. I too tell my BS every where I plan to go during the day and if that plan changes I let him know. I do this on good days and bad days no matter what. I have often wondered if it helps at all but honestly even if it doesn't help I would rather him know where I am then to have to wonder. I feel that anything I can do to help build back even the slightest bit of trust is worth it no matter how small. He can track my phone at any time and I hope that he does and sees that I am where I said I would be and it reaffirms that I am working hard to earn his trust.


Him BS-32
Me WS-33
Two beautiful boys 6 & 3
D-day April 29, 2013

Posts: 24 | Registered: Oct 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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