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User Topic: Sexual Advances From Others ?
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am vocal about my H's LTA. There are pictures of him on FB and they went to functions together. Since they were public I don't hide the fact that he cheated.

There have been interesting responses from men regarding my H's choice. I suspect that some of his male co-workers knew because my H kept me away from them. But, when I would come into contact with any co-workers, they'd always say something like "H should be happy that he has you" or "...I wish my wife was like you" and "...I'm looking for someone like you".
I would smile and take what they said as a complement and keep it moving.

We discussed these comments in group and I was surprised when some of the guys laughed. They could not believe that I did not know that the men were flirting. According to them, these men knew what my H was up to. They may even have been testing the waters to see if I would be available once the A is outted. This made me think about the stereotypical woman who makes a bee line to the newly widowed man.

As I type this, I remember one incident in particular. My H, his co-worker and I went on an all day fishing trip. The man touched me in a way that made me VERY uncomfortable. I filed it in my mental roller deck and later discussed it with my mother. Before DD, H tells me: co worker sends his regards. Co worker thinks that you are gorgeous and that I am lucky. (you certainly are dumbass)

Some people assume that once an A is revealed, then D is eminent. Here are the questions:

Have any other Betrayed men or women been propositioned because of the infidelity?

Has any Wayward approached or taken advantage of a person thinking that they would be likely to be an AP because they had been cheated on?


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 374 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
kate0421
♀ Member
Member # 40819
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Non of our friends or his Co workers know, so I don't get any responses after dday.
But there has been a few occasions where his friends would say things like "WS is a lucky man" or "i wish I could find someone like you". I guess I never even looked at it his being hit on, until I read your post. I just took it as a compliment.


ME: BS
HIM: WS
Together over 9yrs
2 children
DDAY 9/23/2013- 2 ONS (2009-2010)
TT. 5/14/2014- slept with OW1 twice

Posts: 256 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Tampa Bay Florida
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I have been propositioned because of infidelity that I recall. However I am the type of guy that could have had someone hitting on me and I would not have noticed. I was married so other women didn't exist in that fashion to me. I treated them just as I would a male friend, coworker, or acquaintance. After filing I slowly started noticing women notcing me again but nothing like overt sexual advances or fishing expeditions.

I do have one particular woman at work that once she found out I was getting divorced makes a point to speak to me every time she sees me now. In the past we exchanged the normal greatings like hi or good morning and that was it. No different than anyone else. Now if she sees me in the break room she strikes up more small talk. I don't know if this is because I will be officially single soon or if she is just being nice. She could be a BS herself for all I know. Since we work together though, I speak, remain professional, and keep it moving.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1821 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have any other Betrayed men or women been propositioned because of the infidelity?
Oh yes, I imagine it is rather common.

Not many people knew about H's cheating but one very longtime male friend of mine knew, and the first thing he said was, "wanna get revenge"?!!!! I was horrified, and I screamed at him that I was highly insulted that he would think that just because H was a cheater, that I would become one too, and how could he think so little of ME to think that I would stoop to that level! (Although, I had already thought of it, and had already come very very close to a RA with a stranger, lol!).

Anyway, my reaction shut my friend right up, and he kept saying, "just kidding just kidding" ...yeah, right buddy.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7021 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
SWAT70
♂ Member
Member # 42915
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I was always in the boat that never noticed I was being hit on before. Since the affair I have been spending more time alone. My W affair was not hidden from anyone and her AP was a friend of mine as well as co worker. So when d-day happened it blew up.

I began to notice how women were talking and acting around me. It wasn't that they were acting different, I just noticed it. Hell some of my other coworkers wives wanted to set me up with their sisters. I'm trying to R with my wife now, but it seems odd that now I notice these things.


Me BH-45. WW-39
DD-11 DS-6 DS-3
D day was Valentines day 2014. Talk about a trigger.

Divorce was filed, but I'm willing to give her one more chance. I'm watching.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Down range
jost1125
♀ Member
Member # 38710
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The day after I found out what I thought was EA was actually PA (I knew, but he denied it and I wanted to believe him SO bad), I went to WBF's dad for support. He and his wife have been more like parents to me for years than my own parents have. His wife was at work and he suggested that I have sex with him for revenge. He said I just couldn't ever tell WBF. As soon as I said that if I ever did that I would have to tell WBF he said nevermind then. I just recently told WBF about it and he would like to say something to his dad, but I know he would just say that he was kidding. Maybe he was, but it really didn't seem like it.


Me (BGF) 35yr
Him (WBF) 32yr
Children: 14yr (mine)
Dday #1 (admitted to EA) Sept. 29, 2012
Dday #2 (admitted is was PA) Oct. 1, 2012

Posts: 114 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Midwest
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to everyone for responding.

There seems to be something that we have in common; we were invested in our marriages and did not tune into possible flirtations.

I have had guys approach me and after stating that I am married, here are a couple examples of their responses:

Is your H married?
Are you happy?

My answer has always been "Happy or not, I will not cheat".

Little did I know my H was cheating.


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 374 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
1985
♂ Member
Member # 28171
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This reminds me of an experience I had. Somewhat embarrassing to relate as it shows how totally clueless and naive I was!!
In our late 20s my W started in a graduate professional school. Small class of 12-15 people. She became friends and study partners with a young woman our age. After 3 months she dropped out for personal reasons even though at the top of her class. Soon thereafter a married male student, who apparently was hitting on her in class, renewed contact and the LTA began.
So fast forward a year to a point that was 2 -3 months before the A was going to end due to his graduation and return to his hometown (I was clueless anything was going on) and my W has stayed close with the girlfriend. The girlfriend is wanting to D her husband but has no money. Although I have never done D work, I agree to handle her D for free since she is W's good friend.
There were papers she needed to sign. She and her little girl were in an apartment near my little girl's nursery school and her class day started early and ran late. So we arranged that I would take my daughter to nursery school then drop by her apartment for her to sign the papers.
That morning my daughter was feeling off, cranky and non cooperative. I got to the apartment about 40 minutes late.
The woman answered the door wearing what was essentially a see thru white negligee with nothing underneath. No robe. Nothing else. And she was steamed that I was late. Telling me that her daughter was now awake and she wanted me there well before her daughters wake up time.
I was puzzled. DUHH!!!! Apologized, got the signatures and left. And as I was driving to work I was trying to figure out why she would come to the door like that and stay that way as I explained the papers and she signed. And why was she angry at personalized free service! Double Duh!
So 5 years later, when I learned of the A and began reviewing those months in my mind, the light bulb went on. I am certain my W's OM had confided in his classmate about the A. And she, being broke and about to be D with a young child, saw a young, rising atty as a possible solution if that young rising atty suddenly found himself being D because his W was having an A. But once she saw that young atty being so totally clueless and naive about what was being offered him, she probably concluded he was too dumb to ever actually rise very far. No further approaches by her the rest of the way thru her D.
I have told my W this story. Ironically, she was outraged that a woman would even think of trying to seduce a married man and break up his family.
I have to defend my self respect by assuring you I am no longer that naive!


Me-BH 63
Her-fWW 63
DDay: June 1985. 5 years after A ended
DDay June, 1985
DDay June 1985
Still married - actually in love
2 grown kids; 4 grandkids

Posts: 591 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest - large city
Topic Posts: 8

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