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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Setting Boundaries should not be this hard
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am coming up on 3 years since Dday.
He moved out about 2 1/2 years ago.

I still get mail addressed to him.

I told him that he had until the end of April to change the address and after that it would be sent back return to sender.

Felt great to do that.
My IC applaluded.

Then I get registered mail at my house addressed to his parents. They have not lived at my house for over 2 years. I just happened to be home sick and in the delirium I signed for the letters. Turns out it was their passports.
I held on to them until DA had the balls to ask about them.
I told him he could no longer use my address for his parents. They have an address (just a recent development) or they could use his address or even his mother's half brother. Why does he continue to use my address for his parents?
His only response was: "I didn't think it was a big deal."
I told him to cease and desist.

Last night I get a text that he needs my help for something.
Holy shit, you have to be kidding me!
Originally before Dday, his condo was purchased under my name so that his parents could live there. I signed a quit claim deed after he moved in there to remove myself from the property. Unfortunately, there was a utility bill that was in my name and somehow his AOL account is still in my name with his address. He is still with AOL and has had to change his modem twice in the 2 years he has lived there.
They sent him the new modem through FedEX with, you guessed it, my name and his address. He can't pick up the package.
He wanted me to send a picture of my driver's licence. But it has MY address not his.
I told him that it's been almost 3 years and I'm tired of this. Get it straightened out. Get my name off stuff. I'm not helping him anymore.
I asked him when do I get to move on from all of this? I don't involve him with my business so why does he assume I am waiting to help him out whenever?

I asked him "when was the last time I asked you for a favour?"
He couldn't answer because I don't and never will.

I think he is finally getting the idea that I am not here to help him or bail him out of these situations that are his own fault for being lazy and procrastinating (It's not a big deal) and assuming I will just help him out.

I didn't hear from him for a while and sent a text saying, "I guess you got the package without my help or signature then?"

He sends back: "Does it matter?"

Nope it really doesn't.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 8:45 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The amount of personal information on a driver's license is reason enough to NEVER use it for identification unless asked for it by a law enforcement officer.

No good can come from sharing this, especially with someone you do not trust.

I use my passport instead of my DL.

And my ex will get neither.

I still get mail addressed to my ex and I've been divorced since January 2011. It goes in the trash.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
finallymefirst
♀ Member
Member # 41060
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I didn't think it was a big deal"

These people make my brain hurt.


Posts: 120 | Registered: Oct 2013
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It shouldn't be this hard Lola. But...you have set the boundary now. No more mail after the end of the month, or it will be sent back. You have told him, and you will do it.

It's really all about them. They want to be with their schmoopies, but they don't want anything else to change. They really think we should just be happy they have a new love, and look after anything else they want us to, because, hey, that's what we should do!

Hopefully you are "running out" of things that need boundaries set. Hopefully he will disappear for a trip again soon. He's useless.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5475 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still get mail addressed to my ex and I've been divorced since January 2011. It goes in the trash.

Yikes Merlin. That's a long time to still get mail.

Hopefully you are "running out" of things that need boundaries set.

Oh I hope so too, DM, so much.


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"He sends back: 'Does it matter?' "

Hmm..as it turns out it doesn't matter AND the mail forwarding deadline got moved up to TODAY.

Toss everything from here on out.

<malevolent laughter here>

(Sorry. Feeling a little "unhelpful" tonight.)


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 289 | Registered: Feb 2013
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MissMouse

I did accidentally rip open a letter yesterday that I didn't notice was addressed to him. It looks like it could be from a collection agency.

Hmmm.
Karma?
Good thing I have a shredder.

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 7:36 AM, April 11th (Friday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1386 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 7

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