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User Topic: Are You Renewing Vows ?
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is from a post in R regarding wedding rings

I don't want to do anything symbolic like renewing vows or the like. I kept my vows - I don't need a do-over

How do you feel about renewing your vows?


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 451 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We thought about it back in 2009 when I thought we were in R. Now that I know otherwise, is not an option at all.

In general, I think it's a nice idea. To reconfirm the couple's commitment to each other.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
PositiveAttitude
♀ Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You quoted me, so you know my answer. Plus, honestly at this point in R - I couldn't listen to him repeat his vows without vomiting all over him probably!

The other day he was talking about his loyalty to a particular aspect of his life. I asked him to just stop saying how loyal he was in any regard when he couldn't keep his vows to me. I then broke down in tears and it's been months since I've cried.

Yep, not ready to have to hear "forsaking all others" from him.


Posts: 190 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been married twice, & both husbands cheated on me. I will never take vows with anyone again. Words mean nothing.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband wanted to renew vows 6 months after d-day. I wasn't ready. Now that we are four years out I don't feel the need.


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1461 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Renewing vows?
I really don't think she wants to give me a choice as to if I want to marry her all over again.


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 911 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought about it early on in R. Now I still think we have work to do. I don't know if I'd ever really want to. Esp not in front of others. No. Just no.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
tearingaway
♂ Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I stuck with her through all of this BS and the pain through which she put me. I honored my vows. Why do I have to renew anything?

If nothing else, she should have to renew her vows and that would be it!

Besides, I already learned that words mean nothing. If she wants to part her legs again for another man, her "vows" won't keep her from it.


Posts: 346 | Registered: May 2010
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zero interest. Those words didn't stick the first time, I have no desire to tempt fate if they will stick a second.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. I will NEVER. During the A I wanted to make plans to renew our vows on our 25th anniversary. I wanted to go to Vegas and get married by "Elvis" He said it was stupid and didn't want to do it. It was so unlike him. We used to love to do silly things like that.

After I found out about the A, he wanted to follow through with my plans. Sorry, sucker. There isn't a chance in hell.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1664 | Registered: Jun 2009
Sleepy312
♀ Member
Member # 38360
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Excuse my language but fuck no!

First it's not my thing. Second, it seems every couple that renews their vows in hindsight always do so trying to prove something to themselves or the people they think they are fooling, and it's almost like a jinx IMO. Those who renew their vows will be divorced soon after.

Just my jaded, bitchy opinion.


Me 41
Dh 40
Married 11...he forgot our anniversary among other things. Every birthday, holdiay, whatever is forever ruined.

Together 17 years
Two great kids.

He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to


Posts: 507 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Nj
beautytoashes5
♀ Member
Member # 41900
Concerned  Posted: 6:08 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I said my vows when I married my WH. I don't need to renew anything. Absolutely would not renew my vows. Words from him mean nothing to me. Too many years of lies.

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Southern California
sunvalley
♀ Member
Member # 42952
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We did this informally at home on New years day at MC's suggestion. It was just us, and MC helped us kind of form what we wanted to say... while it was nice at the time in hindsite it was too soon for me just where I was at emotionally at the time, so I'm thankful we didn't make a big deal and go all out with family/friends around at that point. I would say if you're considering doing it you have to make sure you are fully ready.


Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs, multiple online As

Posts: 670 | Registered: Mar 2014
Uhtred
♂ Member
Member # 40392
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's a big negative!


Me: BH 32years old DDay 4-29-13
Her: WW 33 years old
“Yet each man kills the thing he loves
By each let this be heard
Some do it with a bitter look
Some with a flattering word
The coward does it with a kiss
The brave man with a sword”

Posts: 616 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Houston, Texas
Neithan
♂ Member
Member # 35924
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She wanted to, I declined. So, 4 months after D-day, on our anniversary when we traditionally relight our wedding candle, she slipped vows in while lighting it.

Didn't do much for me. I'm no longer impressed by or trusting of vows, at least not those. But maybe it helps her...


Me: BH
Her: WW
D-Day: 2/19/2010
Married 1981
That which does not kill me makes me more irritable

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Among the Gaurwaith
TheBestMe
♀ Member
Member # 39476
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry it took so long to say thank you for the replies.

@PositiveAttitude - It sure was you.

Before DD I wanted to go to Vegas and have a "fake" wedding with Elvis and the back ground singers. My H said there was no way that he'd do that.

After DD H brings up a recommitment ceremony in Vegas and presents it to me like he thought of it.

He did not keep his vows the first time.

So, HELL TO THE NO!!!


ME Doing Better
WH Trying As Best He Can
Married 23 years
Status: Working towards friendship
D Day #1 - 2007 My gut told me
D Day #2 - 2010 His D told me
D Day #3 - 1/11/2013 OW Confirmed
LTA 7 years

Both feet pointed forward; positive


Posts: 451 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Inner Peace
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents renewed at 25 years....he promptly had another A and they divorced at 32 years. We just celebrated our 26 years when my husband had his A. He brought up renewing vows, and I just couldn't do it. We are 4 years out now...starting to think...maybe....We will celebrate our 31 anniversary this year. Maybe after 32 years. There are too many similarities with his A and my Father's A. I don't know what would make the second set any more important than the first set of vows.

Karma is a b@#ch however, my Father married the OW, is miserable. He also wears a pendant like my Mother used to wear (unisex). I know his wife (OW) has no idea of the symbolism of it. He regrets leaving and the OW, he has admitted it, but doesn't want to go through the hassle of a second divorce. So he will live out the rest of his years unhappy with OW.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1652 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
dameia
♀ Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH wants to. I'm not interested. We are fully on R, but I just don't feel the need to renew our vows. I said the vows the and meant them the first time. I've been true toy vows. He wasn't and he wants a do-over. Not my problem buddy.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.


Posts: 1171 | Registered: Jul 2012
NotDefeatedYet
♂ Member
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She pushed it pretty hard at first, but I told her that's her loss to feel guilty over. I didn't crap all over mine, so i don't see a need to renew anything.


"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Renewing vows with a cheating spouse, regardless of how remorseful and committed they are...hmmmm??? Never



ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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