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Newest Member: hurtmomma917 (44738)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What should I do?
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Against my better judgement I asked Assface to switch a weekend with me. I never do this but some friends from out of town will be here and I would like to spend the day at Disney with them and the kids. So I asked him if I could have his weekend in exchange for any other weekend he wanted. This was over a month ago. He responded saying he'd have to think about it. I heard nothing for weeks so I send an email asking him again about 2 weeks ago. No response. I sent another today. No response. I think he's trying to punish me for being NC with him and signing up DS1 for karate without "discussing it with him." So I can't make definite plans because he won't tell me one way or another. I have to cancel the hotel 5 days ahead or I'll get charged. I have to arrange for someone to take care of my dog. If the answer is no then fine, at least I will know. But he won't respond.

What should I do??


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, he doesn't have to be human and answer you. It sounds like he isn't.

Normally, I would just say assume he isn't going to switch, and make plans as if you won't have the kids that weekend. (I know you want to take them to Disney..but you could still go and see your friends without the kids, as much as it would suck to go to Disney without them.)

BUT...since this involves hotels and expenses, I personally would send him one more email, stating You were hoping he would switch this weekend with you, but if you don't hear from him by 10am tomorrow (or whatever) you will assume he is not going to switch, so him getting another weekend will be off the table. Just so YOU have some kind of deadline to make your plans.

Just remember this in the future when he all of a sudden he has some event and wants you to switch. I don't get why they can't figure out it's a two way street, and one day, it will be them needing you to switch for some event they want to do with out without the kids.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5429 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would cancel the hotel.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you call him on a work phone or from a phone that doesn't have caller ID? It worked for me, I got him on the phone and he agreed.

Also, bad me, another time, I went on facebook and posted something - I chose who could see it (custom feature) and that was his 2 sisters and his mother (we are all still fb friends). Anyway, I posted how I was really excited to take the kids on a trip but was hoping soon I'd hear back from their Dad soon, but hadn't heard from him yet. I acted like everyone on fb could see it, but in reality only they could. I emailed him again and he said ok. I guess the sisters got on to him for dragging his feet.

They are such jerks. Mine gets huffy also about not "asking" before letting the kids do something.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2067 | Registered: Jan 2012
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok. I'll assume that he is not going to switch then and I will remember it for the future for sure.

Should I send him another email stating something like, "I assume from your lack of response that you are not going to switch." or something like that, or just say nothing and plan on not going?


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you call him on a work phone or from a phone that doesn't have caller ID?

I could but I haven't seen or spoken to him in literally years and I'd like to keep it that way. He makes my skin crawl.

I don't need his permission or consent to sign my kids up for activities. He certainly didn't ask me how I felt with him taking my kids to skank-ville with white-trash married whore he was sleeping with.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I imagine his lack of response is designed to get under your skin. I'd send an email that says "Oh, hey, nevermind about switching. Since you didn't get back to me, I made other plans so don't worry about it. Enjoy your weekend with the kids. Thanks." I would never let him know he got to me.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Sep 2005
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, he is enjoying watching you ask for something. More than likely he won't budge.

I'd follow up with a "If I don't hear from you by XX, then I am assuming you will not switch weekends with me. Please consider one last time knowing that if you ever need to switch weekends, I'll remember this opportunity you had."

Yeah, it is low…but it is also planting the seed of "well…what IF I do need her to switch in the future???? Hmm. Maybe I do need to think about this."


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should send him one more email and tell him if you do not hear back about the switch by 10am tomorrow morning you will assume he is not in favor and your need for switching will be over.

Give him a deadline, and see if he responds. Maybe that will push him to reply. Maybe not. Either way you will have your answer.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3555 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^what she said. When making these requests include a deadline for response then don't follow up. Ever. The sad clown sends me idiotic missives which I don't respond to. He follows up like I'm an errant employee and he can't believe I'm ignoring the boss. It makes me laugh out loud. I'm not responding to that drivel, dude. Get with the program.

He usually rewords it in a less confrontational manner and then he gets a response.

Of course this means he ignores my rare emails to him. I don't follow up - the idiot doesn't realise that I'm contacting him only when I have to, not because I want to. And
I'm AOK with him not exercising his rights at those times.

Go with your friends. Hopefully they'll check dates with you next time. Most people don't realise how difficult these fuckwits can be - my friends still say 'just ask to swap' and I have to explain to them over and over again how it isn't worth the grief.

He will take any/all opportunities to be a fuckwit even to the detriment of his kids - take that as a given and try to not let it get to you.

I'm never helpful to him - as it stands most of his requests suit me so it's no bother to agree. I don't care if he thinks I'm
helping him out or not. He just doesn't matter.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I like this:

"Oh, hey, nevermind about switching. Since you didn't get back to me, I made other plans so don't worry about it. Enjoy your weekend with the kids. Thanks."

This is precisely why I never ask him to switch or ask him for anything. Because he loves to feel like he's in some kind of position of power and for me to be in a vulnerable position. I won't let him know that I am upset. I'll give him until Monday and then send an email and embed it with this to make it seem like it's no big deal.


Dear Douchebag,

"I signed DS1&2 for summer camp for XXX weeks. They are excited about going. Nevermind about the XX weekend in May. Since I hadn't heard back from you I cancelled the plans and made other arrangements.

I hate you.
R&B

Ok, ok...I leave out the part about hating him.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
careerlady
♀ Member
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Am I the only one who would call (I know I know but seems worth it) and then try writing:
"Dear Douchebag:

Thanks for agreeing to switch with me the weekend of X. Let me know what weekend you would like in exchange"

But I guess that would set a terrible precedent. I'm so sorry he's such an ass


Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!
Summary: http://youtu.be/iaysTVcounI

Posts: 937 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take the digs and chit chat out - ego kibble fodder.

"I signed DS1&2 for summer camp for XXX weeks. Nevermind about the XX weekend in May. I have made other arrangements."


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 13

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