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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Met with xpos for first time in over a year...
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Frustrated  Posted: 8:13 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He looked the same, though thinner. This was inevitable and needed to be done, and we ended up talking for about five hours about recent tragic events in my life, the kids, his possible bankruptcy and how it might affect me, his health issues, and of course my ultimate question to him: why did you cheat on me?

His answer to the last was lame at best; the old "I wasn't getting attention at home so I found it elsewhere even though I knew it was wrong; I was weak." Whatever dude. Then the holy gates of Hell were unleashed upon him. When he tried to interrupt to stop me I put my hand up and told him just don't as I earned the right to say what I needed to say and that was part of my agreement to meet with him. I went all the way back to 1994 and vented forward. We were sitting in his truck for some privacy and I was staring forward as I didn't want to look at him while I was ranting (not yelling, just quietly letting loose). When I was done, which included telling him he should have given me the courtesy of divorcing me before cheating, his excuses are bullshit because I had unhappy moments but I never once considered breaking my marriage vows and my honor and integrity were intact, I looked over at him. He had tears in his eyes and he said he was sorry. I told him he was only sorry he got caught, but he has never shown any remorse for his actions at all. I told him how much he humiliated and hurt me over the span of 20 years and that I would never forgive him. Had it been one drunken ONS, maybe, but this, never. He apologized again.

Anyway, after I finished with venting my spleen that was long overdue and we finished our conversation, he asked if he could kiss me goodbye. While I know I shouldn't have, I told him he could because I wanted to know if there were any old feelings that would surface. It wasn't for his benefit, but for my own. I felt nothing, like I was being kissed by a stranger. I was actually strangely comforted by that fact and I needed to know. Now I know. My feelings for him died years ago and they will never be resurrected.

After a very long trying day in other regards and finishing it with this, I was utterly drained. But this actually gave me a sense of closure in my own mind.

ETA: I dressed to the nines for this meeting so he would know what he threw away. He saw it and told me several times how fabulous I looked. That's right dude, you threw away the best thing that ever happened to you because I AM fabulous!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 8:16 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1018 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

anyway, after I finished with venting my spleen that was long overdue and we finished our conversation, he asked if he could kiss me goodbye.

Wow... That was ballsy. I could never... Ever imagine kissing the Dooosh again. Bleck!

Glad you got your closure. Onward and upward!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3534 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)))

You are fabulous!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3295 | Registered: Dec 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I don't even know what to say...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
LifeIsBroken
♀ Member
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you had the opportunity to tell him how you felt and how you feel, thanks to his cheating. I believe many of us would like that opportunity several years after the fact, once we can think halfway straight again. Cheaters have NO idea how much damage they create for their spouses and their children. How can people be that selfish ? I'll never ever ever understand it. Hugs to you, Phoenix. Free at last…….


BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 450 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is awesome. I wish I had an opportunity like that.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 6

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