Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: KingHit4Six (44888)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The lonelys
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well- I've managed to avoid obsessive instagram and fb checking for a week! I can already tell this makes a HUGE difference!
I was feeling really good- not sad and quite strong.
Stbxwh is away this week Wed-Sat ...and it dawned on my that this is the time he was supposed to go to head office meeting (I remember seeing it in our calendar back before he unsynced them) which was a place he always met up with HER. I just...feel sad? I don't want him back and I tell myself I don't care that he is probably with her...but I do care. I feel like she's won- yeah, the booby prize...but won...
And tonight I had a really big production at the High School where I teach that I was in charge of. It was months of work and culminated tonight in a huge success. I was driving home feeling good- but sad I had no one at home to share it with. I mean- he was never very supportive of things I did at work like that. He would never change his own work schedule to accommodate mine and I would be forced to call on my Mom to look after the kids if I had to be at school. Or I'd come home after an 830 am- 10 pm day and he would not have packed the kids a lunch for the next day...but anyway, I just felt sad having no one at home to share a victory with.

He was a shithead...but he was my person. I don't want him, but I miss him sometimes.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you klove.

You dont want him.. but you dont want 'her' to have him either ...

Cudos to you on the school performance.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
StrongAlone
♀ Member
Member # 39564
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the "hate him but miss him" feeling. I get that more than I'd like to admit too. Someone much more awesome than him will replace him in your future, and if not, you are strong and wonderful on your own.


Me (BS) 40 Him (WH, SA, covert NPD) 41
Married 8 years, 2 young kids
DD1-Right after engagement 2004
DD2-Email from OW 2008
DD3-2012-Him diagnosed with cancer, I thought we grew closer, he kept cheating.
Divorcing.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
one2ndchance
♀ Member
Member # 14759
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was driving home feeling good- but sad I had no one at home to share it with. I mean- he was never very supportive of things I did at work like that. He would never change his own work schedule to accommodate mine

You're lonely, but not lonely for him because he wasn't there for you anyway.

I totally understand this. I was lonely in my marriage, too. When I start to feel sad, I remind myself that my home now provides me with serenity...something I didn't have when I lived with him. Frankly I'd choose a little loneliness over tension, suspicion, and turmoil anyday.

I think you're missing and craving solid, trustworthy companionship. You WILL find that someday.


Me: BW 59
Him: STBXWH 61
Married: 25 years
DDay1: 2/2002; DDay2: 6/2012
Gave him his second chance and he blew it.
Divorcing

Posts: 479 | Registered: May 2007 | From: California
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're lonely, but not lonely for him because he wasn't there for you anyway.

This. I get lonely now too but nothing is as bad as how lonely I was during that M. The only thing missing from my life was the lies I told myself about the M I was in. Weird that I miss the lies I told myself. The way to combat them is to remind yourself of the truth.

Don't fall down that rabbit hole of what you told yourself you had - I still sometimes miss what I thought I had. Then I give myself a 2x4 and remind myself to remember what I DID have.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5547 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like she's won

And the answer is, yes. She has won, but so have you. When the prize you're competing for is a piece of shit, the winner isn't REALLY the winner!

Tell us all about your school production. We'll be happier for you, and way more supportive than that arsehole ever was. I know it's not the same, but it helps.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1886 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
RedWheelBarrow
♀ Member
Member # 38966
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this feeling. I miss Rockstar too. At least he feigned care rather well at times, when he was around.
Congrats on a successful production!


Me: BW 50
Him:Rockstar late 50's
DS: 10 , so precious.
Married 14 years, together 17 years
DDay #1 Nov.2012, plus more, more, more!
OW : 25 years younger than him, left her BH for my prize beast.
He moved in with her April,2013.
Divorced!

Posts: 109 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: NW
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Klove))

I hear you. I don't miss "him" specifically, but there are times when I miss having someone. Someone to share things with, even just trivial little stuff about my day.

But the truth is that there is nothing lonelier than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. That is it's own special brand of lonely, and I'm glad to be done with it. I'll take the pleasure of my own company over that crap any day.

I know what you mean about feeling like she "won." XWH and OW are still playing house in la-la land, and I still have moments when I struggle with that. Just remember, she doesn't have the man you thought you had, she has the guy you actually had. And he is not worth having.

Congrats on the success of your school production! You're awesome.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 805 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
jackie89
♀ Member
Member # 38271
Default  Posted: 6:55 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you

I so identified with your post.

(((KLove))


Separated/divorcing

"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~


Posts: 477 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
brokenpinkribbon
♀ New Member
Member # 41301
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my goodness I hear you loud and clear Klove. I have only been separated for six weeks, and it feels like forever.
I hate the feeling of being dumped for someone else who is 27 years your junior, who is enjoying having my husband to share their life with. It amazes me how quickly XWH can move on from you onto another person, and have no remorse for what hurt they have put you through.
I have been with my XWH for 25 years married for 23 of them, I feel like I have had a fantasy marriage in my head. It has come as a great shock that he could tell me he loves me one day,and I get evidence that he is telling this OW that she has no idea what he is having to put up with at home, as i haven't been able to get past his first infidelity eight months ago, I gave him a second chance and this is how I get treated.
So getting back to the point of missing them, I miss my XWH everyday, but I had to draw the line in the sand. I couldn't live with not being able to trust him with my heart ever again, I didn't want to have to worry if he is late coming home was he meeting with her, I can't do it to myself anymore.
So Klove we pay the price to keep what dignity we have left intact, we are lonely, and I'm not sure how long we will continue to feel this way, but I hope and pray that neither of us stay like this forever, and we will find someone who deserves us, whom we can share our lives with once again.
The OW has won the booby prize.

Posts: 23 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Australia
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I start to feel sad, I remind myself that my home now provides me with serenity...something I didn't have when I lived with him.

This is so true. My Mom looked after the kids last night and said she noticed how CALM ds7 is these days. He usually has a very sharp temper (comes by that honestly ) and can be quite lippy. She said he seemed very content. He was polite and helpful. Even though both boys are sad about the divorce- I do see them enjoying the calm of the house. 7 weeks ago there was nothing but fighting almost daily. At the very least, there was tension and often tears (me). No kid should ever have to see that...I think the quiet, calm, 100% focus on them is helping them adjust to this new life.

But the truth is that there is nothing lonelier than being with someone who doesn't want to be with you. That is it's own special brand of lonely, and I'm glad to be done with it.

So very very very true gypsy. This type of lonely almost ate me alive. I can't even read through those words you said without tearing up. So I will suffer the lonely of my own company easier than having a dead body sleeping in bed next to me.

I just want this to get easier. And I guess it does- but there are moments...

I think I'm just overtired right now....
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.