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User Topic: I feel like R means no consequences
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fWH has suffered many more consequences because we decided to stay together and R instead of D. My approach has been to share everything with him that I think feel or fear. So he has a very clear understanding of what his cheating has done to me, him and our M.

At what point does *sharing* become punishment tho?

Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
♀ Member
Member # 42421
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last night my WH said he is doing plenty of punishing himself, I said maybe if I saw that and he talked to me about it I would understand and feel better. His reply was that right now has to be about me. Maybe I am just ready to allow some of his pain and guilt show. Maybe the stage I am in is wanting to see some of his suffering instead of being all consumed in mine.

There is a really fine line between punishment and consequences that I battle with all the time.

I am so disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually start on fire.

BS me 41
WH 42 his whore was my friend
Married 24 years
Finally finding R?
3 kids 3 grand kids
DDay 1 -Jan 2 2014
DDay 2 -Feb 20 2014 A went underground fo

Posts: 544 | Registered: Feb 2014
♀ Member
Member # 34041
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our recovery of marriage has been all about me period. I worked through what I needed for recovery and set conditions of recovery. I did this with the help of an ic. I also did this and took the time to do this in the time I needed not his.
In reading your story it occurred to me, your focus has been on getting just use in other parts of your life. I can understand that for many reasons. My thoughts are much more selfish, I am the victim it is about what do I want to see in my future? I wanted to recover with my husband. I wanted an improved relationship with him, not someone different. The new relationship ideal was communication communication, and a safe place for both to share our feelings. I wanted him to understand appropriate boundaries and enforce them. I wanted to be with a man I am proud of. That is the ideal I set.

Where I am now is I see my fwh deep hard work as what deserve. I am proud that he works so hard continually to make a good relationship for both of us. I don't begrudge him our happy as he worked hard to get here to. In a noncodependepedent way I wouldnt feel in recovery if he wasn't happy as well.

This didn't happen over night, for me it wouldn't have happened at all if I was into taking a pound of flash.

sorry post on my tablet

Posts: 313 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: pricklepatch
Topic Posts: 23
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