Anyone grateful for the WS who jumped at the second chance?
I am happy that this person has stepped up to the plate and swings with all his heart every single day.
I have a better man. And I am a better woman/wife/mother.
I haven't read the other thread yet but will go there now. All I can say is that I KNOW my H is grateful. He tells me I am his godsend. I think that's beautiful.
A big part of our problem is different love languages. He is all about small acts of kindness. For instance, I mentioned needing a new shower curtain a while back and I wanted a clear one. I got home yesterday to find the most beautiful show curtain, with purple, pink, and yellow flowers blooming up from the bottom. And a matching purple towel set. It is a small thing, but he was very excited and had fun picking it out and he just knew that particular shower curtain was something that I would love. My bathroom is so happy now! He is all about sweet gestures, from coffee in the morning to small gifts to figuring out how to fix something I love and broke.
Am I pleased with and impressed with the work he has done? Very much. Grateful? I can't say that's a word I would use.
There are just some words I have an issue with in this process. Forgiveness. Choice. Stay. I guess I'll add grateful to the list.
As LA44 says, I have a better man, a much better man than he was. And I believe that the work I've done on myself, my insights, have made me a much better woman and a much more independent woman. I enjoy and love our life together. I'm just not ready to express gratitude about it. Maybe in time ...
Interesting discussion, thanks for the post!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Yeah, I don't feel I am grateful for FWH jumping at the second chance I was giving to him. There never should have been the circumstance for me to have to give him a second chance. I am not grateful that he put me in a position to have to make a decision about whether to give him a second chance. I know I would have been devastated even more if I had given FWH a second chance and he didn't want it/take it.
OTOH, if I had wanted to reconcile/give a second chance and FWH didn't want to, maybe I would be grateful if he came around and decided he would, after all, accept the second chance?
Hhhhmmm, need to do some more pondering on this topic.
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
[This message edited by rachelc at 8:40 AM, April 12th (Saturday)]
me (WW/BS): 48
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
What I am grateful for is that the depth of her love and commitment to me is such that she is willing to take a chance at being more vulnerable with me than she has ever been with anyone in her entire life. That though it may have been easier for her to leave and do this work (or not do it at all), she recognized that I am special enough to her in our life together that it was worth the risk of showing me everything and sharing everything about the worst of what she was capable of in an effort to fix her and us together. I know that this work is difficult and painful. I'm happy to help her and me work through this in our relationship as we navigate the pain and damage it caused both of us and what it revealed about the brokenness in her.
As much as I am grateful for his work now, I in no way would have taken this route if given the choice.
He had the affair and rather than run from his screw ups he chose to stand firm and fix things.
I think it takes a lot of courage to let someone look inside and see "the yucky stuff"...so yeah, I am grateful, thankful he was able to.