The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed
STBXH is NOT the same person from even a year ago! He is a completely different person and I do not know how it happened. How can someone change so much ?? From being a loving and caring man to someone who is selfish and only thinks of himself? I just do not understand.
You can't rationalize irrational behavior.
I changed, and had my eyes opened. I saw her for what she always was, and I can't even believe how much I loved her. I was fucking blind!
The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous
All of us go through changes in life as we age, as time goes on and as life's events happen. And we put people we love on pedestals.
When we have time to look at a person differently, whether it's through physical space or being hurt or something else, they do change for us-because our blinders come off and we "see" what is right there.
As Pass says, Perv wasn't the one who changed, in every way, but I did. Oh, he stepped out on me so in that way he changed, but his personality itself is still the same controlling, overwhelming self.
I'm sorry if people already know this but it's what it seems like you're saying, Smashed. I had it happen too and it was a painful and strange experience.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
It still baffles me.
Like pass I can't say I didn't know what was under there I just didn't know how big, ugly and cruel it was.
The moments I thought were aberrations were his true self. He IS that aberration. That is the guy I now deal with.
It is a mindfuck for sure. I found it hard to believe what my eyes were seeing.
He promised. Promised on our then unborn children's heads that he would never do any of this to me. The betrayals, making me a single mum, fucking me over in every way, harming our children. All things I specifically begged him to not do to me as it was done to my mum.
Yet he did them all and still does the vile things he still can do. I don't understand it. I cannot believe the lies he tells himself just to be able to live with himself. I'll never understand it - of that I am certain.
If he was a decent father I could comfort myself that at least my girls have that. As it stands, I can't.