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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Personality Change
Smashedat58
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I met with our divorce process facilitator (therapist) today, and had a long and very open discussion with him about how our marriage has crumbled. I told him that to me, it appears that my husband has gone through a personality change. He asked if there was any way that I would want to reconcile with him, and I said that no, I did not want anything to do with him, now, he is not the same person I loved. That other man was a great guy, this one is a stranger, and nothing about him appeals to me. I did ask him to try to influence WH to get some counseling for our children's sakes. If he doesn't, he will lose them, too.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
trumanshow
♀ Member
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written every word. Thinking of him as the stranger he is helped me detach


Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed


Posts: 1757 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
freeatlast72
♀ Member
Member # 42758
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted something similar earlier.

STBXH is NOT the same person from even a year ago! He is a completely different person and I do not know how it happened. How can someone change so much ?? From being a loving and caring man to someone who is selfish and only thinks of himself? I just do not understand.


BS:41 (me)
WH: 41
Kids: DD6
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
Separated as of 01/16/2014,now divorcing...WH did not want to reconcile.

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.


Posts: 135 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, April 11th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was different for me. The Princess isn't the one who changed. Yes, once we were married, she stopped being as nice, but she was never SO nice.

I changed, and had my eyes opened. I saw her for what she always was, and I can't even believe how much I loved her. I was fucking blind!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2142 | Registered: Jan 2013
Broken69
♀ New Member
Member # 42606
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our relationship went from what I thought was healing from his affair one day to him up and leaving after a silly argument and him saying he take always having to feel like he has to look over his shoulder.. then saying he needed time away to work on him to total hatred of me because I called everyday or text begging him to come back and didnt give him the time he asked for to now accusing me of doing all kinds of horrible things like he is paranoid. We cant even talk without an mediater.

Posts: 26 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: NY
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When we love someone, it is easy to overlook problems, faults, red flags. When we love someone, it is said that we wear blinders or glasses with different colors so that we don't recognize issues-rose colored glasses.

All of us go through changes in life as we age, as time goes on and as life's events happen. And we put people we love on pedestals.

When we have time to look at a person differently, whether it's through physical space or being hurt or something else, they do change for us-because our blinders come off and we "see" what is right there.

As Pass says, Perv wasn't the one who changed, in every way, but I did. Oh, he stepped out on me so in that way he changed, but his personality itself is still the same controlling, overwhelming self.

I'm sorry if people already know this but it's what it seems like you're saying, Smashed. I had it happen too and it was a painful and strange experience.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2306 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
justjim
♂ Member
Member # 41150
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife went from someone with a sweet, caring, loving personality to a shell with cold, dead eyes.

Seemingly overnight.

It still baffles me.


Follow your BRAIN.
Your HEART is stupid as shit.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Oct 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's pretty shocking to see what is underneath the mask.

Like pass I can't say I didn't know what was under there I just didn't know how big, ugly and cruel it was.

The moments I thought were aberrations were his true self. He IS that aberration. That is the guy I now deal with.

It is a mindfuck for sure. I found it hard to believe what my eyes were seeing.

He promised. Promised on our then unborn children's heads that he would never do any of this to me. The betrayals, making me a single mum, fucking me over in every way, harming our children. All things I specifically begged him to not do to me as it was done to my mum.

Yet he did them all and still does the vile things he still can do. I don't understand it. I cannot believe the lies he tells himself just to be able to live with himself. I'll never understand it - of that I am certain.

If he was a decent father I could comfort myself that at least my girls have that. As it stands, I can't.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5619 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 8

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