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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Shouldn't I hold on to a little bit of hate?
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this making any sense?

I am a little late to the thread but I know exactly how you feel because it's where I am now. I will be 3 yrs past dday in May. My D will be final in 2 months. I actually wanted to post about this last week but couldn't figure out how to word it. I have reached indifference and I did it using hatred as a motiviator to kill what feelings I had left. The problem is I got tired of hating, and it eventually went away. I still don't want to be friends with her but I no longer have the burning hatred inside that I did before. I never really believed in karma and stbx puts on such a wonderful "everything is great" face that I honestly wouldn't know if her world blew up unless someone told me. It was easier to just say fuck it and move on.

In the back of my mind though there is that little itch that wants to be scratched every now and then. That itch keeps me from ever asking her how her day was or saying anything other than hi when we do the kid swaps. I don't think that ever will go away. The itch isn't hate. I think it's just my common sense returning when it comes to the EX. I got burned so much in the past I finally learned not to stick my hand in the fire again.

Now I get to focus on whatever is next which will likley be dating as a single man in a few months. That just means more adjustments to come but hey at least that part might be fun. Thanks for the post phantom. As usual, if I can't figure tou how to express something I can come to SI and someone will be here to help me via their post.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Phantom, your explanation helped a lot.

BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1420 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should have prefaced, though, that we're not supposed to waste time trying to figure out their reasons.

The fact of the matter is that whatever my X told himself about why he left is now what he believes. And he's not going to go get help to demonstrate that he's playing mind games with himself.

That's why some of the best advice we get here is that we can't control them. We can only control ourselves and our future...

BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 23
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