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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: One down....three to go
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 1:32 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awhile back I did a post looking for someone to lean on that also hadn't told their kids. Post was "when the kids don't know"

I got A LOT of people here on SI who opened my eyes to why it is NOT good for the kids not to know.

So now I have told one of the kids. DD26 who lives in another city.
I talk to her often. But even she already guessed separation was coming. And she was only a little surprised by the cheating. She also was seeing how much WH was turning out more and more like his father......who cheated with several OW and is now living with one.

I was surprised and relieved that it went so well. We had a good talk.

So now since my post I have told 1 friend and 1 DD.
it feels good. I feel a bit more relaxed.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2881 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:22 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh deena. I'm so proud of you! I know you must feel a bit of relief. I'm also glad you told a friend ~ IRL support is so valuable. I'm sure your DD appreciated your honesty and that will go a long way in your relationship with your children. (((((deena)))))


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw, you're doing brilliantly!


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 890 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deena, I remember your post and I remember your children are older.

Good on you for telling DD. Now to tell the kids....

Goo for it deena


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 535 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.

I think the hardest to tell will be my youngest daughter who is 17.
She is in the hormonal change stage. Even DD26 said it will be hard to tell how she will take it, but she needs to know the most. She is the most confused by the coolness in the marriage I think.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2881 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If kids are 7 and 9 what if snything would you say!

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 12th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deena, I know this is so hard for you. I'm so impressed that you've already taken the steps to get this hard part done. I know it just is completely gutting to tell your kids that their world isn't going to be what they thought. It's not easy no matter their age.

Caretaker, those of use who had/have children around that age stick with more vague terms, assuming that the children haven't met the OP or observed the WS cheating. Phrases like "Mommy/Daddy lied to me and broke the promises that husbands/wives must never break" is telling the truth in an age-appropriate way. That way the children know it's not their fault (which you must emphasize, that its not their fault) and that Mommy/Daddy still loves them.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9530 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Deena and DD))))))

Your oldest sounds like a lovely woman. I'm glad she knows the truth now and that you feel a little relief.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4088 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my youngest DD when she was 16. She already suspected much as she is the only kid at home, and the truth just confirmed what she suspected by filling in the gaps. She is a hormonal teen as well, but she handled it just fine and told me how much she appreciated my honesty. But be prepared for trickling questions afterwards as she processes it. Just let her know you will answer any questions she has honestly, and make sure you do just that. Also offer counseling, but don't be surprised if she declines. Mine wanted no part of counseling, but we also talk openly and honestly all the time so she at least had me (and older siblings) to talk to.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1033 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great job deena!

Keeping secrets takes a lot of energy. You are freeing up resources within yourself to wage the battle that is divorce.

You're doing great. Your kids now know which parent they can come to for the truth, even when the truth is hard.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1832 | Registered: Aug 2013
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all.

I have a "told them all post"


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2881 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 11

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