But it order to properly R, it seems we all need to work on our boundaries. I think mine were safe before, but have agreed to tighten them up as part of R.
To me, that is like having to give up alcohol because your spouse is an alcoholic, even though you don't have a drinking problem.
Am I willing to do it? Yes. I want to R. Am I happy about tightening my boundaries? NO! Because I don't need validation from others. So talking with a man, woman, or dog, I still wouldn't consider breaking my vows.
Just those things to try to assure that everyone feels comfortable in the relationship.
Funny(?) story - I was in touch with xGF from HS. W was nervous because she thought xGF was interested in me, but I refused to end it.
We moved from email to Skype. First session, xGF expressed real dissatisfaction with her M & her H (who probably has PTSD from Viet Nam). I expressed happiness with my M & W. That was our last contact.
A sacrifice I am willing to make, just not happy that I have to change me.
Specifically, I'm a hugger. When I see people I know and haven't seen in a long time, I hug them. If someone looks like they need a hug, I hug them. I'm the same whether WH is there or not, but I conduct myself as though WH were always by my side. It doesn't matter if they are male or female although I am very respectful of marriages and usually only hug the wives. I would never hug anyone who I had a past with or who put out the vibe.
WH now has veto power over who I hug. If he is uncomfortable about it for any reason, we have a prearranged signal that he will hold my hand. Usually, we talk about it if he sees something he doesn't like and I agree not to ever hug them again.
With WH, his boundaries are that he is not to have any non-work conversations with any woman outside of my presence. He is to tell me about any conversations he has with a woman even if it is work related. He is not to touch another woman in any way ever even if she is a hugger too and he is expected to stay at least an arm's length away from any woman.
I know his boundaries are strict, but I am at the end of my rope. If I ever see or hear of any of these boundaries being crossed, I am fully fed up and fully prepared to walk. If someone else crosses these boundaries, I expect him to respond with the same disrespect that they are showing me after everything I have been through.
My boundary tightening isn't a punishment for me. It is me making an effort to be more sensitive to my WH's feelings just as I expect WH to be more sensitive to mine.
D-day: Oct. 2013 with ongoing revelations.
6 affairs, 1 OC, My sister was OW#5 with countless attempted A's.
Considering R but fully ready to D.
If you are resentful of your new boundaries, will this make you resentful of her or your relationship? Something to ponder.