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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Going to tell the kids shortly
lilacs40
♀ Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As in the next 15 minutes.

I'm nervous about how they are going to react and handle it. They as 12 and 6. WH wanted to tell them that we didn't love each other anymore and I said no way. That's not true for me. So we settled on focusing on how often we fight and that we tried to work it out and couldn't.

On such a beautiful spring day my marriage is completely over. Maybe one day the hope inside me will be gone and I'll actually believe he just doesn't love me anymore.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 322 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartbreaking... wishing you strength. Your kids have an awesome mum xxx


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, might not be a good idea to blame it on the fighting, you might find that a bit further down the line, STBX tells them you started the fights. I told The Arse that he had to tell them that he didn't want to live with mummy anymore...because that was all his choice.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry,pressed submit too soon.

Thing is, they may work out the real truth eventually. It's really important that you have been honest with them, or they will feel that you lied to them. When the boys ask I'm divorcing The Arse, i tell them that he broke some very important promises that we make when we get married,and that he doesn't want to make it right.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
lilacs40
♀ Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it went better than I thought it would. Although by no means is the trauma over I know. I'm sure it will take DD12 a couple days to process this mess. DS6 is just happy that he's getting a bigger bed when we move in with my mom.

I have informed WH that when/if DD has any questions I will be honest in an age appropriate way. I was glad that I stood firm about the not loving each other. Especially since I talked to my mom and she pointed out the fact that if we told them that they might wonder if we would stop loving them.

DD has a therapy appt (for unrelated issues) this week and I am glad for that. I also asked the doctor if she could schedule them every two weeks for the next couple of months.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 322 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
lilacs40
♀ Member
Member # 31314
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it went better than I thought it would. Although by no means is the trauma over I know. I'm sure it will take DD12 a couple days to process this mess. DS6 is just happy that he's getting a bigger bed when we move in with my mom.

I have informed WH that when/if DD has any questions I will be honest in an age appropriate way. I was glad that I stood firm about the not loving each other. Especially since I talked to my mom and she pointed out the fact that if we told them that they might wonder if we would stop loving them.

DD has a therapy appt (for unrelated issues) this week and I am glad for that. I also asked the doctor if she could schedule them every two weeks for the next couple of months.

I would have preferred WH (I guess STBXWH) told the truth but he would never. He still thinks its more about our issues pre-A.

Thanks for the support.


I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Posts: 322 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lilac)) You did great in a horrible, horrible situation.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1061 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lilac & kiddos))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25754 | Registered: Aug 2011
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lilacs40 and DD12 and DS6))))) I'm predicting DD12 will have more questions and will need an honest answer. I'm glad she has therapy lined up.

My DS was 13 at dday and he also had a therapist for other issues and I was so grateful that he already had a therapist who he felt comfortable with.


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lilac, DD, & DS)))

Posts: 35915 | Registered: Mar 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure having this conversation over with is a weight off your shoulders and that it will let your kiddos start processing this with your help. It sounds like you did great.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad to hear you told the kids.

I know how hard it is. Big hugs for being so strong and doing the right thing!!!!!

and big hugs to your kids!!!! They sound like great kids!!!


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 3053 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 12

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