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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What I'd Like to Tell Him
hope2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42707
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear STBXH,

You moved out (at my request) just over 4 weeks ago. While I'm still very hurt, angry, and sad about the demise of our 15 year marriage, I've learned some things.

I've realized that I am better than you. I out grew you several years ago. I suspect that you knew this long ago. This is why you have stifled me for years and ultimately started having an A with a married baker. You are a loser. You have always been a loser. I lacked the self-esteem to know that when we married.

The last few weeks have only been a reveal of who you really are. You are a lying, cheating, deceptive, self-absorbed loser who is not worth my time. I know that the OW will either kick you to the curb or that R will also implode. Contrary to your belief, your sh$# does not smell like roses and you are responsible for a lot of the crap that has happened in your life.

While your life is going to suck, I am going to move on, heal, and find someone new. Someone who wants to be my partner and is passionate towards me. I'm not yet ready (since we are still married), I also look forward to finding a new man who does not have constant "performance issues."

Suck it,

Your BW


Me - BS; 35
Him - WH; 34
Married - 15 years
2 Kids - Agess 3 and 6
DDay - 2/26/14

Posts: 50 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best revenge is living well - you'll be surprised that when it happens revenge won't be top of mind, you'll be too busy being happy!

After telling my IC what the M was like for me prior to DD she asked me to examine what it was I was missing about what was clearly an emotionally abusive relationship. I couldn't answer her. I was missing who I told myself he was - not who he actually was.

Ironic that in his devastating and destructive quest for freedom I was the one who was set free.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here SBB. When my IC heard me speak of the abuse in my M her response was "And you miss what?" I think we miss what we hoped the other person could have been vs what they actually are and honestly will ever be.

I intend to change my life for the positive. I hope I will remarry (better) and I pray for a wonderful life with my children and grandbabies.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After my WXH moved out, the only thing in my life that changes was....less laundry for me.

I'm not kidding, but it is funny.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just so happy to be off of his crazy coaster. Not a fun ride...
(Hope) everything you said rang really true for me. Now that I am away from him, I can see so clearly what a douchhhhhe bag he is. And always was. Why why why did I settle?
Not gonna be makin' that mistake again.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love this. Suck it indeed!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
hope2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42707
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This entire situation has been strangely empowering in many ways. While I don't consider our relationship to be abusive (not even on an emotional level), I have discovered that I lost large pieces of me in trying to make room for him and his issues. He found subtle/indirect ways of belittling me about minor, inconsequential things that were none the less painful.

I look forward to rediscovering who I am without him and putting back together the missing pieces. By myself or with some future person, I'll be much better off without him.


Me - BS; 35
Him - WH; 34
Married - 15 years
2 Kids - Agess 3 and 6
DDay - 2/26/14

Posts: 50 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 7

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