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Newest Member: hewaseverything (44947)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Deena has now told them all!
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A big thank you to all you SI'ers who set my head in the right direction with my
"when the kids don't know"
post. And gave me so much advice AND encouragement.

I ended up telling them all separate, but told the last one with one of the kids already in the know.

DD 26 was first by phone(Friday) because she lives out of town. Went awesome and she wasn't really surprised about the separation....a bit about the cheating by WH.

Next day(Saturday), DS22 after his final. Went good again. He actually saw a couple of times the history on the computer when I didn't always clear it. Saw the visits to SI site. He also had known WH would at times stay out very late. And not come home except to change in the morning at times

DD17 was next(still Saturday). Not good. Wanted some alone time and then went to her boyfriends until late at night. She has mostly stayed in her room all day today too(Sunday)

DD28 was after DD17(Saturday) after her exam. DS22 came too. She lives on her own so we went to her place. She was sad for me, but not surprised either.

Other than DD17 they are all supportive and checking up on me. DD28 is communicating with DD17 because she was the same age when WH left me the last time and understands how she feels.
She has said all she needs is some alone time. And that when it happened to her at her age it was devastating because you grow up thinking your parents can't make mistakes and it is a shock when you find out they can. That they are actually human like themselves.

It feels good to have that weight off my shoulders. WH still doesn't know that I told them. I will tell him once DD17 is feeling better. She is having trouble with snow mold right now and I am attributing her staying in her room to that.


Thank you all of SI again.
It was hard to start, but made easier with such great kids.
And you were right. They had suspected and they did appreciate me being honest with them


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2906 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((HUGS))))

You did the right thing.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jadedheart
♀ Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, April 13th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking about you and saw this post! I am glad it went so well and your kids are supportive of you and your DD17.


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't know how much I am smiling with pride right now. I know it hurts but you did the right thing. You were honest and open and supportive ~ that is what kids want when communicating with their parents. Hugs and high five!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Oct 2012
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:03 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Deena)) so proud of you. Everything from here on in will seem easier by comparison.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 994 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad you were able to do that deena. Your kids have begun learning who they can trust going forward- and that will be huge!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is good for older children. What about ages 8 and 9.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caretaker. Please read my past post "when the kids don't know"
It is full of awesome advice and support.

Here is one example

When I was 10 I found my father was cheating and unfortunately I justified his bad behavior because who wants to be married to a lady that is sad 24/7. So for years, I hated my mother for her depression & how it affected our family.

The people here have so much experience(unfortunately) and they can help others

((((((Caretaker1))))))


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2906 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caretaker1
Here is another quote
You don't have to say anything bad about him. Just stick to the facts. Tell her that he made poor choices but that does not make him a bad person, etc. etc.


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2906 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 9

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