Topic: Now DS is missing...
Member # 41884
| Posted: 11:27 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014|
Don't understand how so many devastating things can happen to one family; my heart is breaking for you and your girls, your dad too. You have all of our thoughts and prayers coming your way in one huge collective hug..
BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
Posts: 421 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Member # 42231
| Posted: 12:02 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Still thinking of you and sending you any strength we can. I can't imagine what you're going through, but we are all here for you and yours. (((Phoenix1 and family)))
"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis
Posts: 881 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Member # 39409
| Posted: 1:54 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
God bless you Phoenix and family. I'll keep you in my prayers.
OW: former friend of mine
EA from ? to 3-15-12
3 DD, 1 DS
Time heals all wounds-I do not agree.
Posts: 92 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
Member # 17062
| Posted: 5:10 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Thank you for taking the time to give us an update. Words are so inadequate when the grief you are going through is unimaginable. Find comfort in your family and know the people here, even though we don’t know you in real life, want to offer whatever support they can. Some SI folks have walked with you from the day you joined, they have become true friends and confidants, and they will walk with you on this part of life’s journey for as long as you need them.
Hoping you can find light in this time of darkness.
(((((Phoenix1 & family)))))
D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.
Posts: 3441 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Member # 36711
| Posted: 8:00 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
I am so sorry. The words don't seem near enough, but there are none that do. You are in my prayers, Phoenix.
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.
Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 30826
| Posted: 8:01 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Thinking of you this morning.
M: June 2001
Status: Happily Reconciled.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Posts: 7146 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 10649
| Posted: 8:17 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
I can't even imagine your pain. There are no words...
Thinking about you every single day.
Love always hopes.
Posts: 1367 | Registered: May 2006
Member # 34697
| Posted: 8:26 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Thank you for taking the time to update. You sound so tired but I can feel the strength in your post.
"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear
Posts: 4554 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Member # 28877
| Posted: 10:49 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Thinking if you and your family today.
Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir
Posts: 203 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: New England
Member # 31722
| Posted: 11:02 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Sending prayers, and hugs, to you and your family on this day.
Sending strength to you for the upcoming week.
Posts: 1265 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 12041
| Posted: 11:04 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
You are so kick ass strong. I am in awe. And I'm here for you. Thank you for checking in with us. We are all pulling for you and I think of you every single day.
“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin
Posts: 43981 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 38928
| Posted: 12:02 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
The compassion and support from everyone here on SI is truly incredible and heartwarming, and the reason I come here. It means more than words can express. Thank you so very much.
Many have mentioned my strength, but I don't feel strong. I feel more like a young tree bending and swaying in a turbulent storm, just waiting for that final gust of wind to finally snap me in half. A storm that does not want to blow thru and end. No sunny skies and calmness to be seen anywhere on the horizon though I keep looking for it as I keep swaying and bending.
I have been in touch with the mother of one of DS's best friends. This is the BF that was away at training when it happened so I could not provide comfort to him as I did the other friends. It was this particular BF's handgun that DS used to end his young life. I have been worried about the impact of that on him. He was at training where he could not receive any communication so he could not be told what happened. I expressed my concern to his mother. She told me it was his twin brother that broke the news to him when he could receive communication as his twin didn't want him to hear it from anyone else first. They are reaching out to him. I have also asked the Army leadership to watch these boys closely, and they assured me they would. I still worry greatly because they are all so very close. They all spent many, many weekends at my brother's place. My brother and SIL opened their home to these boys to give them a safe, loving environment where they could relax and have fun, especially after they all returned from Afghanistan together last July. Bro told me he wanted to keep them all so busy and tired from outdoor activities that they wouldn't have the time or energy to dwell on the atrocities they witnessed overseas. Since bro was very active, it was an ongoing friendly competition as to who would wear out first on their mountain hikes...the old man or the young soldiers. The boys were always very impressed with bro's stamina. It was a great fit for all of them and they enjoyed their time together. The loss of my bro and SIL was a very big hit to all of them for this reason, but especially DS. My bro was a father figure to him and DS went to him for everything. That became so important when I was going thru my divorce as DS just found out about that upon his deployment return as well. Bro told me often not to worry about DS regarding that as he was taking care of him for me. That allowed me to breath easy. DS and bro became even closer because of it.
DS arrives home on Tuesday and we will be at the airport to greet him on the tarmac, along with the appropriate military personnel. We met with the CAO (casualty assistance officer) assigned to us here yesterday to go over things. We also advised about the potential media nuisance in WA, just in case they followed us here, in order to keep them away. I am hoping we will have our privacy during this and they will leave us in peace. They were really bad in WA. I even had one reporter send me a FB message in an attempt to reach me. They will stop at nothing, but we have told them repeatedly we will not be making any statements.
Monday we have to finalize details with the funeral home and the church. Tuesday is going to be bad with his arrival at the airport. My father will be arriving at some point, thanks again to the Army. And the funeral will be on Friday. We are going to have local police block any media from the church, and the military is taking care of security at the grave site since it is on base.
So there is a long week ahead, and I am trying to rest today to physically and mentally prepare for it. I hope I can continue to sway and bend in the wind and not finally break. I am doing my best for my DD's and father's sake.
BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Posts: 977 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 18449
| Posted: 12:13 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Your son was such an amazing guy! I'm so sad to know that he's gone from this world.
Hugs and strength to you!
Posts: 11403 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 33698
| Posted: 12:16 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Phoenix, you are an incredible person. Your DDs are lucky to have you.
Sending you love and strength to get you through the coming week.
BS (Me) 39
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley
Posts: 3539 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 13447
| Posted: 12:40 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Dear, sweet Phoenix- I keep thinking of you and your family. Coming back to this thread with part of me hoping this isn't real, it didn't happen. If I can wish for this as a stranger, I just can't imagine how it is for you.
Reading your updates, I know you're not feeling strong. You're bending but not breaking. You're handling these tragedies with grace and love. It speaks so much for your heart.
This is the BF that was away at training when it happened so I could not provide comfort to him as I did the other friends.
This and so much else speaks about how you have strength coming from somewhere, otherwise you wouldn't be selflessly showing love and support when you need it so badly.
Even that you are worried about crossing forum lines...
Please, come to us when you need support. When you need to talk and share stories of your son, brother and others you've lost. After the pressing matters are gone, you might find you have that need. I know my father did when he became a widower unexpectedly. All these years later and I listen patiently to his reminiscing because I know it's how he heals, how he keeps her alive.
We'd be blessed to know more of the people who have been in your life as it sounds like they were good people ready to share their love with others. We see it in you and are here when you need us.
"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣
Posts: 10998 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
Member # 23468
| Posted: 12:46 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
(((((((Phoenix))))))) Love, Strength. Try to do something soothing for yourself, color Easter eggs, have a long bath, take a walk in the sun. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this.
Posts: 129 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 17484
| Posted: 12:46 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Sending strength (((Phoenix)))
Posts: 6425 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Member # 11061
| Posted: 1:38 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Pheonix, I haven't replied on this thread before now because I haven't known what to say.
Just know that young trees look fragile, but they're not. They may take a beating in the storm, bending this way and that, but when the sun does shine again they're still standing.
Thoughts are with you and yours.
[This message edited by bluelady at 1:39 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]
Me (BS): 33
Posts: 1429 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: a little bit of everywhere
Member # 25341
| Posted: 1:58 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
DS arrives home on Tuesday and we will be at the airport to greet him on the tarmac, along with the appropriate military personnel.
And everyone here will be there with you, holding you up.
I'm disgusted with media coverage of your tragedy and the sleazebag tricks you report. I hope that they will be completely blocked from the funeral service and burial, and that you are able to celebrate DS's life and achievements, and to mourn his tragic loss, in peace - alone, with relatives, or with friends, and beyond the prying eyes of cameras.
My deepest condolences to you and your family. You are in my thoughts every day.
Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...
Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 34373
| Posted: 2:08 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014|
Thank you so much for letting us all know how you are doing. We are here for you no matter what.
Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"
Posts: 1676 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
|Topic Posts: 767|