Topic: Now DS is missing...
Member # 38928
| Posted: 12:29 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
My precious baby boy is home. The honor guard did him honor at the airport, and his best friend has done him honor as his official escort. His other two escorts, the other BFs, will be coming today. We were thrilled to find out the colonel we have been interacting with waved his official wand to cover travel costs for all three of them (the BF that was away at training was going to have to pay his own and we asked the Army to cover it if possible given his closeness to DS). The airline had all available ground crew come to the plane to pay respect, and they gave us a token coin to honor our fallen soldier.
We got DS to the funeral home where we got to see him, resplendent in his dress uniform with all his ribbons and medals, with his BF standing at honor at his side (I made him break his stiff stance at attention by giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek and told him how proud DS would be of him). I was able stroke DS's hair and kiss him. There is significance in the hair stroking, and why I mentioned it in the poem. Ever since he was a toddler, whenever he was upset or hurting he would lay his head in my lap and I would stroke his hair. He said it was the only thing that truly relaxed and soothed him, even as an adult. Every broken heart from a girl or any other stressful moment and he would turn to me for that stroking and comfort, as recent as last August. That was his Achilles heel, and only me and my DDs knew about it. Thus, the reference in my poem. As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could. There is a flag on his casket, but we were also presented with the flag that was draped on him as he was carried off the mountain. So we will have two when this is all over.
We will be back to visit with him tomorrow for a private viewing for only family and close friends allowed. The funeral will be closed casket with his smiling picture in a wreath with red, white, and blue flowers. I told my family I want everyone to remember him how he was, with his infectious smile, not how he is now.
Today I will be buying something to wear at the funeral that I intend to burn when it is over. I will also be working with DDs on a picture collage to also have at the funeral and reception. DDs are putting together an iPod play list of all his favorite songs to play at the reception.
Also finalizing funeral arrangements with nieces for bro and SIL. That will be in mid May.
Family is flying in today and tomorrow. Just want to get thru the week with my sanity intact.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:58 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]
BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
Posts: 978 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Member # 14003
| Posted: 12:32 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
My heart just aches for you hun. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
Posts: 13648 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 27457
| Posted: 12:36 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
I was able stroke his hair and kiss him. There is significance in the hair stroking, and why I mentioned it in the poem. Ever since he was a toddler, whenever he was upset or hurting he would lay his head in my lap and I would stroke his hair. He said it was the only thing that truly relaxed and soothed him, even as an adult. Every broken heart from a girl or any other stressful moment and he would turn to me for that stroking and comfort, as recent as last August. That was his Achilles heel, and only me and my DDs knew about it. Thus, the reference in my poem. As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could.
I'm crying for like the billionth time today.....this makes me want to rush down the hill and hold my little daughter as tightly as I can......she loves to lay her head on my chest...and although she doesn't have much hair yet......(poor thing... )I love to rub her head.....and kiss her forehead.....and pat her on the butt in her little frog-legged position and just relish in that moment....
Because its times like these that we as parents never are prepared for. The...."I never thought this would happen to me...." becomes you....and its a hard reality to swallow.
I wish you lots of love....support and strength....now and in the many months of healing to come...((BIGHUGZ))
"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"
ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 37089
| Posted: 12:53 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Oh dear Lord, I am balling now too. You are such an inspiration of grace and strength. My heart breaks for you and your family, but I am glad to hear you sound as though you are processing this and handling things so well. I hope you were able to find a small bit of peace having him home and loving on him in such a precious way.
You are all in my prayers
Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore
Posts: 271 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Member # 25341
| Posted: 1:00 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
What a difficult time it is.
You are being so thoughtful and strong for others, please also take care of yourself. Lean on us here, and please PLEASE don't hesitate to ask if there is anything that any of us can do for you IRL.
You are in my thoughts.
Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...
Posts: 2538 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Member # 36134
| Posted: 1:02 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
I also stroke my kids hurts away. I don't think I'll ever take that for granted.
Such a lovely tribute to your son.
Prayers, and hugs headed your way. Lean on us, we are here for you.
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 4859 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 31722
| Posted: 1:06 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
You have such an amazing way of writing so that I can "see", like I am there. Bless you.
significance in the hair stroking
I know all of my DC, to this day, love to have their stroked. I stroked my DD's hair, at the age of 34, at MIL's memorial recently. It is such a comfort to both people. It's so calming.
I still have no words to take your pain away, wish I did.
I am sending my prayers, hugs and strength to you and DD's. Having your family close will give you strength, too.
PS: Just read the article on your DB's daugthers. Based on YOUR descriptions all's I can say is: Your DB and DSIL KNOW who is who, and what is what. They are with DS, and they are all bursting with pride for you.
Posts: 1265 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 26928
| Posted: 1:15 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
There is significance in the hair strokingI sooo get this.
((( Phoenix1 and Family )))
Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4yrs, together 7yrs total
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for clarity/typos.
Posts: 6099 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 27428
| Posted: 1:32 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
As I stood at his casket, stroking his hair, I told him and my girls I was sorry that this time it can't fix his hurt and make it better. I so wish it could.
I started crying there.
I am so SO sorry. I still have no words.
((((Phoenix1 and family))))
Posts: 1212 | Registered: Feb 2010
Member # 33699
| Posted: 2:23 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
This brought tears to my eyes. I so wish that there was a way to take this all away from you.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi
"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie
Posts: 3335 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
Member # 1298
| Posted: 2:35 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Dear Phoenix1, I am very sorry for all of your losses, especially for the loss of your precious son. My prayers are with you.
Me BS 55, WS 55
Posts: 4059 | Registered: Mar 2003 | From: California
Member # 31240
| Posted: 2:36 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.
Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Member # 31349
| Posted: 2:45 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Crying along with you.
We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle
Posts: 16451 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 42012
| Posted: 2:49 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
I'm so sorry for all of your loses. You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13
Posts: 1867 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
Member # 30369
| Posted: 2:52 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Continuing to send you thoughts of strength. My heart sure is breaking for you.
"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."
Posts: 6265 | Registered: Dec 2010
Member # 16921
| Posted: 2:53 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
WH - 48
BS (me) - 50
Son - 25
Son - 17
Dday #1 - 10/31/07
Dday #2 - 12/23/07
Dday #1,000,000 - 12/23/09 - found out EA was PA
Reconciling or at least trying. We have reconciled through the A, but he still doesn't get it when it comes to p
Posts: 4466 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 16671
| Posted: 3:10 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Dignity, grace, and so much love. He is with you, and he knows he is loved. You are an amazing Mother.
Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)
Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.
Posts: 4626 | Registered: Oct 2007
Member # 19258
| Posted: 3:13 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Thank you for sharing your update. I saw your DS's pic on the news several times. His smile is beautiful. I always stroked my son's hair so, like others, your words touched me and brought tears to my eys. Your words are so raw and powerful. Your loved ones are lucky to have you. I hope you are surrounded by more love and support than you can imagine.
But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler
Posts: 8407 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 41884
| Posted: 3:47 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
(((Phoenix!1))) We are all sending you strength and love. All the mothers here will be there with you in spirit tomorrow. So sorry for you all….
BW: 44 Me
DDay1 9-9-13 (18th Wedding Anniversary) 6 wk EA, 1 wk PA
DDay2: 10-25-13 EA/PA with same OW 12 1/2 years ago for 3 months
OW: XGF Predator who never stopped pursuing WH
Posts: 423 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York
Member # 21101
| Posted: 4:16 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014|
Your strength amazes me.
You have made me proud to be an American as well. Thank you Army for treating this family with honor respect and compassion.
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy
Posts: 7826 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
|Topic Posts: 767|