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User Topic: Now DS is missing...
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take care of yourself, dear.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

Posts: 4707 | Registered: Oct 2007
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))) All my love & support are with you.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10032 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 10:43 PM, May 6th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still thinking of you. I think that light show was meant just for you and I'm sure your son was there too.

Thank you for the update. You are still very much in my thoughts and prayers every day.


Posts: 237 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thinking of you every single day.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 1010 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending prayers and hugs to you today.

Hope you are still taking the time to rest. Lean on DD's.

Sending strength.

Me: BS
Him: WH

Posts: 1330 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are on my mind today as always. Sending you comfort. (((((Phoenix)))))

You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman

Posts: 26198 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you today Phoenix. I hope you are finding peaceful moments as the day does by. Sending you some energy for renewal and repair for your heart and soul.

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to get through each day, one step at a time. Knowing this Sunday is Mother's Day is going to be tough. DS always sent me flowers for Mother's Day, even when he was half way around the world on deployment...

The legal quagmire continues. Military deaths involve a LOT of paperwork. More meetings scheduled for next week. Talking to many different attorneys for many different reasons (remember that lawsuit I alluded to previously???). Starting the probate process for bro and SIL now that I have death certificates. Just had to jump on niece to tell her to just STOP. She thinks going around with death certificates for her parents magically opens doors for her. I explained this before, but I might as well be talking to the wall for all that it sinks in. Too many dead brain cells from drug abuse, unfortunately.

My youngest DD is trying to finish high school this week to graduate next week. This could not have come at a worse time for her. She asked me last night if I would be okay with her grades slipping this semester as long as she passes (she has always been an A student). Well, duh, of course! But the fact that she actually asked speaks of how bad she feels about it. She just doesn't have the motivation. The school has been working with her and that is part of the problem. Every time she goes to school she gets pulled into the counselor's office to see how she is doing. She hates that and just wants to go about her day and not talk about it. But they officially have her on suicide watch due to the magnitude of the tragedies that have occurred. She never told anyone about her father and I divorcing last year either (she is just as private as me) and that came out with everything else. They are just doing their job and showing concern, but it is annoying her greatly and makes her not want to even go to school because of it. She's graduating, and that's all she cares about right now.

Catching up at work (multiple jobs) has been quite a feat in itself, but I am getting there, slowly.

We just found out that DS's personal effects (including motorcycle and truck) were still being held in WA by the Army. Apparently they could not find the title to the motorcycle and cannot ship without it and that has held up everything else. Was hoping that was already in transit as that is going to be painful to receive when it gets here. I want to get that out of the way as quickly as possible, but due to this latest snag it could be another 30 days or so before we get it. We got them what they needed so hopefully it will get moving.

Dealing with three different estates at one time is definitely putting my organizational skills to the test, but for once I am glad I have exceptional skills in that area. However, I find trying to remember everything is difficult right now as I am still really tired and cognitive abilities are definitely affected. Thank goodness for sticky notes! DS's father is helping a lot with DS's stuff, which definitely helps ease some of the burden. That just means we still have to constantly interact with each other which is yet another stressor in all this.

So as I said, just trying to get through each day. I told my girls I might plan a trip somewhere, anywhere, in late summer after the dust settles just for me to get away for a bit. The thought of doing that gives me something to look forward to.

This weekend, in addition to it being Mother's Day, is going to be bittersweet. My girls and I signed up months ago to take a motorcycle riding course together, which is this weekend. DS was so thrilled about it for us. He was teaching me how to ride his motorcycle the last time I was in WA with him. DDs and I are still doing it, and I asked both DDs if it would bother them if I used DS's motorcycle helmet for the course. I want him to be with me, and I hand carried that helmet from the mountains where he was found back home. The girls said it would not bother them. I also told them as a tribute to DS I was going to follow through and learn how to ride DS's motorcycle when it gets here. DS's BF gets home for good in July and he said he would help me (he and DS are both avid riders). That was something DS and I had planned, and I want to see it through for him. As I said, a bittersweet accomplishment.

*sigh* Just so much still to do when I really just want to go to bed and sleep for a month...

BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet

Posts: 1264 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix, you are constantly on my mind. I continue to wish you strength. I hope your daughter can get space to grieve soon and not have to be continually called into the counselor's office. I'm so happy that your daughters are ok with you using DS's helmet. I think that is wonderful.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4745 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
♂ Member
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still thinking about you Phoenix1. You continue to have my deepest sympathy and empathy. Good news is that at least there is not a lot of school left to go for DD. Continued courage and strength your way.

25 years and counting of pain caused by mother's infidelity. Aftermath: 1 deceased sibling, 1 lost family, 3 lost souls.
"Each new day I am just glad to be alive and have survived all that I did." Ashland13

Posts: 2351 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


That is just so much on your plate to deal with, emotionally and logistically. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. I will be sending a lot of positive thoughts and strength in your direction in particular this Sunday.

Posts: 8019 | Registered: Dec 2010
♀ Member
Member # 42530
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My thoughts are always with you. What a strong heart is with you. Sending you strength ALWAYS!!

Me: 38
WH : 40
2 Boys Age 10, 13
D-Day Feb 16 2014
OW: My Co-worker

Posts: 71 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 34835
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for another update on how everything is going. I check here a few times a day to see if you posted

You have way too much on your plate but you are handling it 100 times better than I would be able to.

Wishing you strength this Sunday and every day.


Posts: 237 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, May 7th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Phoenix)) Thinking of you and your girls and I am so happy you all decided to continue with the lessons. It is a great way to remember your DS.

Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
♀ Member
Member # 6370
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many people here and we all wish we could just do something for you. It's a situation where words just aren't enough - yet that is all we have to give. I really do not know where you have gotten your strength. Such heartache in such a short time for one person to absorb.

My thoughts are with you daily even though we'd never recognize each other if we passed on the sidewalk.

"Because I deserve better"

Posts: 1006 | Registered: Feb 2005
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


i think about you every single day. your grace and strength are amazing. i hope that you manage to get through each day. There will never be any right words for this situation. Please take care of yourself. Planning a trip seems like a good idea.

I hope that the course with your girls can provide a bright spot in you weekend.

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8490 | Registered: Apr 2008
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Sweet Phoenix. You are amazing.

You will be thrilled you took the course and learned to ride. There is nothing better to help you get away from all the outside noise, and center yourself again. I love to ride. Unfortunately we are without bikes at this time. Spend time this weekend focusing on your girls, and feel the love they have and embrace your time together.

((((and continued strength))))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
♀ Member
Member # 41033
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix1, You are in my prayers daily. I continue to be amazed by your strength. I want you to know that you have been a source of inspiration with regard to the grace with which you've handled the unthinkable.

Posts: 402 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Illinois
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Phoenix1 - Can you feel my arms around you? I am hugging you as tightly as I can. I sure hope it helps.

And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1384 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think of you every day.


FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7916 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
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