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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: My life is a living hell once again...
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying to find a home to rent is getting the best of me. I am so frustrated. The faster I get out the better. I do not want to file till I am gone because I know what will happen if I file while there.

Anyways, he wants me out ASAP! Mind you it is my house also but letting him have the evil dwelling that he turned into a house not a home.

Saw a text scroll on top of his phone...From "work"
It said " good luck on your own...u probably won't miss.... Fuck u!"

I kept it to myself and never hinted towards anything. Later that night he was trying to get "some" from me and I told him NO, we are not going there anymore and to leave me alone and go off to his drama queen. He stated that he wants me out and if I stay any longer I will end up hurt. It is not who I think it is and it is someone else... I hardly doubt it! The OW just got a car like the one I gave up, cut her hair short like me.... ummm.... what to me much???? And if it is someone new it does not matter as he is still in adultery, lying, and deceitful.

What I don't understand is why keep lying? Why put the OW (new or old) under "work"? Why is he hiding everything when he knows I am moving out, doesn't want to be with me, treats me like shit! That I don't understand.

Then he wanted a hug, I said NO, I am to the point of almost hating him, not hate I guess, disgust is a better word and that made him pissed, he can not understand why I have to be this way and mean to him.

How can he not see what he has done? How can someone blatantly hurt someone SO bad for all this time and not see how I can be the way I am. He doesn't give a shit about me and what I am going through. All the stress he has thrown on me. False R!

I feel I am living their consequences and they are getting blessed. He doesn't have to come up with money to move and pay part of the bills at the house, he didn't have to give up a car because he helped us get to where we are, he keeps getting all this shit, OW gets a new house and new car and here I sit with all this stress until I move!

Maybe I should become like them and maybe I would get good things granted to me. IT IS NOT FUCKING FAIR! He has ripped me to shreds, ripped our family to shreds, took me for everything and played on my heart and goodness, hope and faith.

Will he EVER feel the pain he has inflicted on me?

I am the fool for waiting 5 years on false promises. I thought,,,, maybe this time would be different!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe I should become like them and maybe I would get good things granted to me. IT IS NOT FUCKING FAIR!

You're right - it is absolutely not fair, but don't compromise your values now. I am a firm believer that people get what they deserve in the end.


Will he EVER feel the pain he has inflicted on me?

I can't imagine all you've had to endure in 5 years of false R. I am so sorry for all the hurt you've endured. That said, who knows if he'll ever feel the same pain you have. who knows if he can feel anything real whatsoever. You know the lowest of lows, so you'll appreciate the highs so much more when they come, and they will. You gotta believe they will. He'll be left to wander around as a shell of a human being. I'd rather feel the full spectrum of emotions rather than have none at all. While your hell will have an end, I think the latter is a Hell that lasts a lifetime.

(((Faithful w/Love)))


"Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. ― Rabindranath Tagore

Posts: 942 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you madeofscars,
You are right and I would never bring myself that low. I couldn't live with myself and the guilt of treating someone horribly. Maybe I am jealous that they are not struggling and get what they want. I am humble in the fact that I know this pain and that it is something only the strong can survive. I know for a fact those two would not be able cope because they are already broken.

I do however, am tired of being lied to! How can you look me in the face and still lie. Funny he doesn't know that I know he got a text from "work".... No point of saying anything. To tired of the circle of arguing over something he denies.

Tired of being blamed and that we won't work because of the fighting. He fails to see it is the lies, betrayal, and an OW that we fight about. Nope he can't see that.

I wish so badly that I never moved back home.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How can he not see what he has done? How can someone blatantly hurt someone SO bad for all this time and not see how I can be the way I am. He doesn't give a shit about me and what I am going through.
Because he lacks empathy, he isn't capable of thinking the way that you do honey. He's unable to put himself in your shoes or imagine what a "normal" person would feel like in the situation. He's not like you. He doesn't feel like you do or think like you do.
Will he EVER feel the pain he has inflicted on me
My money is on NO. He's shown no evidence of understanding, compassion, or empathy. If you have any expectation that he'll some day get it? You're very likely to be disappointed.
I feel I am living their consequences and they are getting blessed.
I know this feeling. Trust me. The more you are able to separate HIS life (and the OW's) from YOURS, the better this gets. When you catch yourself comparing lots in life with him or her, snap that rubber band and refocus your thoughts. They don't matter. They aren't worth your mental energy. Invest in you, hon. YOU matter.

((((hugs))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 24795 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nik,You are so RIGHT once again.

I think I am just so miserable living with him right now that I get caught up in the damn drama of it all.
I know he will never get it, wish he could just to feel the once of pain I have. But, no I will not be waiting for that.
He does not have empathy or compassion, if he did we would not be in this place and getting worse.

I can 't wait to be away from him and all his drama. That way I am not a blaming post for us! There will be no one to blame except him and the OW.

Such a DAMN liar!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like he threatened harm to you. Don't be afraid to call the cops..

Dick needs to learn some boundaries. You are NOT being mean telling him to back off and to not EVER touch you again. You wouldn't let a stranger hug you, right? Well, he's a stranger now, and you treat him as such.

Who cares how he reacts to you asserting a boundary? FTG..

Saying prayers you find a place soon.. I never got better till I gave up hope and got the hell away from him..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2065 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never got better till I gave up hope and got the hell away from him..

So true!..... I was getting better or I should say stronger when I had my apartment. Meaning I wasn't sad and angry all the time like I am now once again.

Funny how they feel so entitled to have you whenever they want, like I am some sex toy....


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
soverybetrayed
♀ Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He isn't worth your time and is incapable of dealing with the pain he has caused you. He is NPD and will never face who and what he is. You have to focus on you and how you can get away from his drama. You deserve so much better even if that means just a peaceful home.

He told you to leave asap so that means you forget about paying any bills at that house and use that money to get your new home. Do NOT give him another dime of your money! Use every penny you have to get a lovely peaceful drama free place to live!!!! Have you tried to get a place in your old complex? See if they can help you. Contact some apartment locators and have them send you lists of places that match your criteria.

You are very strong and you will get through this and on to your peaceful life again!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

soverybetrayed,
Thank you!!!!!!
I am going to be contacting some places and the old but I don't think that they have anything open. I agree with not paying the bills.

Yesterday, when I got home he was trying to be so loving and telling me that he loves me! I just dismissed it as trouble in fantasy land. He say's I am stupid if I think he would ever be with that girl! But, here's what I think, he has been in contact with her still, been 5 years and he is playing both even if it is not psychical. A OW would not text "Good luck on your own... U probably won't miss me... Fuck U!" So that just proves that he is lying to himself if anything... And it is hidden under "Work" in ph.

I don't understand why he even lies about it anymore. I mean REALLY... if you want us to be over then why lie?


It doesn't really matter much anymore. I have let myself fall for the lies and the promise that have been broken yet again.

It is really sad because I loved being a wife! I loved being his wife 5 years ago. I really thought we would make it through this.. I really thought we would, never knew he only cared about himself.

Sorry, I am just stressed about all that has happened! I love you guys and thank you for all the support!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
damnUnicorns
♀ Member
Member # 42691
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to send a hug! I hear your pain& can relate to it so much.
My H is still trying to sleep with me & has OW. H bounces between nice & cold/mean. So I relate to that. Altho mine said he doesn't love me (in Oct.12 & I've never heard those words from anyone since).I can't imagine how much that alone hurts, having him day he loves you& then continue this BS!

You sound very strong. Good luck in finding the perfect place for you& making is a serene HOME!

[This message edited by damnUnicorns at 11:24 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


Unremorseful WH-48
BW(me)-46
M 26+ years
DS 26, DD 23
H moved out 10/3/12
IN House S, H lost job 2/7/14→now
Dday 1- 3/2002 short EA/PA w-COW
Dday 2- 2/12/14→LTA, H STILL seeing "Bi"MfCOW (OW now S too)!

Posts: 121 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can not tell how much pain I am in but I can tell you I would not wish it on another life. I find my faith in my values and morals and God. I know that I will be okay once I PUT A END to this.
Thank you for your support and hugs.

To the ones that have a WH in LTA. That is who I feel for the most. Because of the heart, head and sex games they play. It is hell when you are in a state of confusion all the time. The waffling and games are just so hard! After a while you don't know what is true or not but you do know for a fact they are not true to you any longer.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has many strong traits of a NPD and/or who knows what other disorder.

My advice and I'm sure everyone on SI that has dealt with P/As and NPDs of all severities is:

NEVER, EVER, believe a word out of their mouths once you KNOW he/she has lied to you.

No contact except about joint finances. Disgusted is exactly the word for them.

How can he not see what he has done? How can someone blatantly hurt someone SO bad for all this time and not see how I can be the way I am. He doesn't give a shit about me and what I am going through. All the stress he has thrown on me. False R!
We've all told you to read up on NPD-they can't see or feel empathy. They learn proper responses but they don't "feel" anything real except anger and jealousy.

The only way to deal with NPDs is NC. It's the ONLY way. You can't change or fix him.

I feel I am living their consequences and they are getting blessed
You are living their consequences and you are the only one that can stop it.

Maybe I should become like them and maybe I would get good things granted to me

You can't because that isn't who you are a person.

The waffling and games are just so hard! After a while you don't know what is true or not but you do know for a fact they are not true to you any longer

When dealing with a NPD, they will never give you truth.

You keep going around the same mountain, your mountain is WH.
I pray that your path is cleared and you have the determination to finally detoxify your life of WH.

He will never admit to anything. If he did, everyone would see the real WH, with a NPD, that will never happen.
Wish him well and heal your hurt, he's unable help you.
Hugs to you FwL.

Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 3:57 PM, April 18th (Friday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20341 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you GMA,
I wondered when you would come for me with the 2x4's. I needed to hear that again for the billionth time.

Yes, I have read up on NPD's. I know and see it.. I know I can't fix him, but there was a little part of me that thought maybe I was making it up for an excuse as to why he was doing what he was doing. You know .... denial that I actually married a NPD!

Thank you GMA!!!!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but there was a little part of me that thought maybe I was making it up for an excuse as to why he was doing what he was doing.
We all have gone through the whys

Why didn't I see it or know there was something so wrong with who I married?

You love him and yes love can blind us. We use excuses for them when their cracks peek through the mask. The sad part of all of this, they didn't choose to be like they are, circumstances years earlier and trying to survive is why they are the way they are but we can't heal or fix it for them.

You know .... denial that I actually married a NPD
! My best answer to myself is, I truly loved FT and I was in the marriage for the right reasons. He could never be in a relationship for the right reasons because he can't feel love, respect, or compassion only can fake it. That's not my fault.
Hugs

[This message edited by gma56 at 2:14 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20341 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the NPD forum, we said the infidelity is minor compared to finding out we were married to a NPD.
Our marriages were a lie, doubt every choice we've made or will make, and worry that we might make the same mistake again with someone else.
Before we actually release ourselves from the toxic NPD, there's nothing within us that hasn't been assaulted by the NPD we married. For many of us, decades of the abuse.


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. I lost my family but gained a second chance to be happy.

Posts: 20341 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
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