Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Greg (45364)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: any joy in life?
PeaceLove187
♀ Member
Member # 33559
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a song by Randy Newman that has a line "when you're young and there's time, you forget the past. You don't think you will, but you do." That's pretty much how it works, assuming no new hurts come along to rub the scab off the old.

Be sensitive to your wife and don't tell her she's wrong, because that's her reality for the moment. And the fact she will get better doesn't minimize what you've done, because she's probably going to have years and years of unhappiness because of what you chose to do. When someone is in the depths of an infidelity depression, telling them they'll feel better in a few years sounds like eternity. But the time does pass and, with loving and compassionate acts on your part, it will get better.

[This message edited by PeaceLove187 at 10:01 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


BW--Me, 57
FWH--Him, 59
Married 35 years
Empty Nesters

Posts: 638 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Midwest
PainfulReminder
♀ Member
Member # 41146
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have learned one thing in life it is your joy comes from within and not others. So if your wife decided to remain unhappy for the rest of her life that is her choice. That is why some people can have the most horrendous things happen to them and still find joy. And that is something your wife may learn. She may realize she is tired of unhappiness and reach within herself to find it and not let it be dependant on things we cannot control. When your in the pit of self pity it is hard to see the light of day or imagine a time when you felt sunshine for some people. And whether you put yourself in the pit or someone threw you in, only you can climb out. People can help by reaching down into the pit but ultimately, it will be up to her.

I have seen people climb back out. And I have seen people live their entire lives in the pit. You can't decide if someone else will fight back or give in to it. But you can work on you and keep yourself out of the pit. And be there and not push. Don't agree with the "unhappy forever" or "dark cloud forever" but don't disagree. Just apologize and give reconciliation your all.


Posts: 60 | Registered: Oct 2013
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have seen people climb back out. And I have seen people live their entire lives in the pit. You can't decide if someone else will fight back or give in to it. But you can work on you and keep yourself out of the pit. And be there and not push. Don't agree with the "unhappy forever" or "dark cloud forever" but don't disagree. Just apologize and give reconciliation your all.
^^^^This!!!!! It's what I've been thinking too. For a while when he would say things like, "there is no joy, only pain." Or something to indicate that he will be miserable forever I would panic and spiral. I would think all kinds of crazy things. But this is the conclusion I've reached too.

He has to choose to be happy or to be miserable. He still has any where from half a year to 3.5 years on the SI healing *average* ...could be more.

I did this to him. Is him being unhappy a good reason to leave him? Absolutely not. If I had given him HIV would that be a good reason to leave him? In sickness and in health, joy and sorrow....etc. I disregarded the vows I made before, never again. In a marriage were supposed to help each other so if I'm healing and he's taking longer to heal I support him and help him. I pick up the slack. I do what I can to bring him joy. I commit to be here for him FOREVER and do it.

I choose a life with Knight and I choose to be happy. I'm working on that. I hope he will too and I believe he is now. There was a time very recently when I wasn't so sure. But even if he chooses to be miserable I still love him the same.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
obliquestrat
♂ Member
Member # 42165
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC did an "interview" with me including a question about experiencing joy. I responded with something like, "hahahahaNO." I'm a few months out, zero joy in sight. I do experience happiness, but it feels empty, even when it "shouldn't" be. Some event with our children should be legitimately joyful, for example, but it feels like I had relapsed on a drug addiction when I try to recall my happy feelings of it, if that makes any sense. All forms of happiness get tossed in the "hedonism" bucket somehow, as some kind of self-reminder that I'm in Hell. I expect it to pass, and look forward to that day.


ME: BS 36 - HER: WS 33
TOGETHER: 2001 - MARRIED: 2008 - KIDS: 2 (3 and 1)
D-DAY: 1/6/2014 (accidentally discovered 3M EA which had developed into sexting, makeouts, tickets for biz trip to Disneyworld)
R, IC, MC, NC (coworker)

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2014
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.