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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: You know what would make this nice?
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Was just filling in some paperwork for the separation agreement. The whole time I couldn't help but think that this whole separation/divorce process would be so much nicer if I didn't have to deal with such a miserable twat while doing it.

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want. Shit's about to get real.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

miserable twat while doing it.
That made me laugh!!!!

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want. Shit's about to get real.

Same here! I can not wait to truly tell him about himself and all the shit I want to! It won't matter but at least I can say it and not have to live with the liar!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best of luck, Pass. This, too, shall pass.

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

Neither could I. When that day finally came, I found a perverse satisfaction in not saying any of it. I still haven't.

YMMV.


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 332 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

I use to think this all the time but then have come to a point that I know he wants my "approval" for his decisions still and to talk with him good or bad so he can state his case again to change my mind. So since I am basically NC he has no idea what I think anymore and therefore his imagination works in overdrive and I actually am taking pleasure in the fact that he does not get my approval, disapproval, or thoughts about his decisions anymore. I stated my thoughts and feelings during R and that was his chance to listen, he doesn't get the pleasure anymore of my sarcasm and intellect anymore. Crickets is the most wonderful, gratifying, fulfilling, peaceful sound in the world. That is my revenge especially for an NPD.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

Neither could I. When that day finally came, I found a perverse satisfaction in not saying any of it. I still haven't.
Word. Go kick some separation agreement ass, pass.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24442 | Registered: Aug 2011
betrayedidiot
♀ Member
Member # 42868
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had those thoughts too. It is the only benefit to this whole disaster -- getting to take his money and watch him suffer! I love visualizing him in the tiny little dump apartment he has moved into!


Me: BS
Married almost 20 years
2 year EA and 1 month PA
DD-16
D-Day: 01/14/14
Separated and divorcing

Posts: 92 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: TX
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to take something near and dear to his heart--not the kids, but the first thing after them. As I understand the law, it is mine. Can't wait for that one!


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can hardly even wait until the day I get to tell her all the stuff I want.

I think some of you may have misunderstood. I meant I can't wait to tell her the stuff I want to have, NOT the stuff I want to say.

Telling her the stuff I would really like to say would have zero effect on that soulless harpy. I've gotten to the point where I don't feel the need to say it anymore. Would love to, but don't need to.

But she will lose her frigging mind when she finds out I want my equity out of the home. I'm afraid of it, but am also looking forward to it a little!

[This message edited by Pass at 10:20 PM, April 14th, 2014 (Monday)]


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
GreatRoleModel
♀ Member
Member # 36809
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for it! Sorry for the misunderstanding.


BS (me)
XWS (him) NPD
DIVORCED!!!
It takes a village to deal with the village idiot!

Posts: 292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NC
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 10:46 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG pass...

When I first read this I was like...is he talking about his L? Her L? Or The Princess herself?

I also thought you meant speaking your mind...but since you didn't...why on EARTH would she think you aren't going to ask for your equity in the house? Seriously?

Make sure you leave some negotiating room on that list, k?


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have


Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take h


Posts: 1732 | Registered: Aug 2013
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, April 14th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But she will lose her frigging mind when she finds out I want my equity out of the home. I'm afraid of it, but am also looking forward to it a little!

Does she really think you're not going to go for half of your marital assets? Really? Wow. I'll grab some popcorn then because shit is about to get real.

What a fuckwit. Seriously.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5448 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
wonderpets
♂ Member
Member # 35901
Default  Posted: 1:50 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Pass.... One my my favorite moments was the asset distribution chat I had with my XWW. Since we had next to zero in other assets, I told her that all I wanted was the difference between our 401k money. Hers was about twice mine.

She said something like "but that's my money!". Made me laugh.


Posts: 202 | Registered: Jun 2012
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she really think you're not going to go for half of your marital assets? Really? Wow. I'll grab some popcorn then because shit is about to get real.

This is my fault. When I was moving out, I felt very guilty about the fact that I wasn't going to be seeing, or helping with, my kids during the work week. I also had a pile of lingering guilt from my suicide attempt.

So at the time I told her that I wouldn't take my half of the home equity, because I wanted to make sure the kids didn't have any more upheaval in their lives by having to move to a new house. I also left both cars for her, since I would be living in the city and could take the bus.

I met with my lawyer a few months ago, and she said, "I understand that you feel some guilt over moving out, and possibly for your suicide attempt, but that doesn't mean you should be destitute." She encouraged me to get my home equity, and to ask for spousal support. What I didn't realize is that The Princess would have to refinance the house anyhow, to get my name off the mortgage, so she would be able to get at that money without any immediate hardship. I'm trading off the spousal support for child support (she wins on that deal) but I want my home equity.

Of course, I haven't told her this yet, because I'm scared - I've never liked pissing her off.

And since then, she has done the following:

- Donated one car and sold the other (both were paid off!), and then bought a brand new, bigger car).

- Had natural gas hooked up to the house, and bought a new natural gas furnace. The old oil furnace was probably good for another seven or eight years.

- Gave away the large (expensive) play structure from the backyard.

- Bought an expensive fire pit for the back yard.

- Bought a cord of wood to burn in the fire pit, and fireplace, for all her romantic evenings with Rig Pig.

- Bought a shitload of expensive new clothes for herself.

- Bought a large flat screen tv for her bedroom. She had three unused sets in the basement that she could have used.

- Went WAY overboard on xmas and birthday gifts for the boys.

- Took a trip to Cuba over xmas holidays.

- Took the boys (and Rig Pig) on a trip to Florida for March Break, and missed their flight home, so she had to pay for two extra nights.

- Cried to me on a regular basis about how she's living paycheque to paycheque.


Dude, she will not go gently into this good night.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Dadtryingtocope
♂ Member
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's about to get a reality check and she may not be able to cash that check.

Your lawyer is right, you shouldn't live any less of a lifestyle while she lives high on the hog. She destroyed the marriage, you are just getting what is rightfully yours. You are entitled to that. You earned that (and realistically probably more).

Take it from those of us who built our financial standings for our families and then got cleaned out by lying, cheating spouses. You more than deserve this. Please take what you are entitled too. It certainly will make those of us who got taken feel a little better that the system is benefiting those who are in the right as well.

And you can't be concerned with pissing her off. She is getting what she deserves. You are releasing her. It all comes at a price.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 8)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 465 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had a nickel for all the shit (assets) XWW said she wasn't going to ask for, I'd...have a lot of nickels.

(She'd watched her own mom [serial cheater] screw over a series of ex-husbands to get what was "rightfully due" her, and it always bothered her...so she had this weird guilt/gallantry/"See, I'm better than she was" thing going on early in our D process. It didn't last, of course - that's what lawyers are for, after all)

I've realized that one of the most enjoyable benefits of us not being married anymore, and having a legally-defined business relationship going forward, is that that worn-out, "but you said" argument used between people with mutual emotional attachment is completely meaningless.

Yeah, I said. Now I'm saying this. Shit changes...sign here.

Fear not, brother. The worst you can expect is quid pro quo from here forward...

[This message edited by jagged at 10:18 AM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 332 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As everyone always says, watch the paper trail. It can benefit you and it can damage you. So far so good for me, but I am always thinking that something is going to bite me around the corner...hell, this A bit me and bit me hard!

Every time the logical side of my brain is working, I try and work on this stuff and get her to respond. When my emotional side is kicking, God only knows what's going to come out, so I try and stay away from that.


“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” ― Noam Chomsky

Posts: 652 | Registered: Dec 2013
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. Yep, I definitely don't feel badly about taking things from her. The problem is that I spent 17 years of marriage trying to avoid making her mad. That's a seriously ingrained habit. It really pisses me off that I still fear her anger. I mean it's not like she used to beat on me or anything. I just wanted to avoid the "twattiness" that was always a result.

How did I become this weak, frightened thing?


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and me, both, Pass. I was the same way, and no, my XWW didn't beat on me, either...I had the same habits, and she knew them, to the extent that she knew just how to go on the offensive when she was accused of something. Looking back now, I'm ashamed. I don't know how I got there, either, in a relationship I felt began as two equals.

It sure feels good to not be there anymore. I shudder to think that was the model my two girls would've grown up thinking was "normal".


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 332 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who gives a shit if she gets pissed? Did she care what you would feel when she had an A? Did she care what you would feel if she hurt you?

What is she going to really do to you for taking what is rightfully yours? NOTHING! She has to give you your part and refinance. That is it. Let her be mad.. who give a shit!

She must make a lot of money to be throwing money away like she has.... Tell her I need some... The Faithful w/Love Charity...lol


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the same habits, and she knew them, to the extent that she knew just how to go on the offensive when she was accused of something.

That's exactly how it was for me. It wasn't even anything all that obvious all the time. It could just be a slightly icier tone or facial expression from her (and trust me, she knows how to ice!), and all objections on my part were killed before they even arose in my mind.

It sure feels good to not be there anymore. I shudder to think that was the model my two girls would've grown up thinking was "normal".

Yep, there were a lot of things that made me decide to separate. One of them was that I wanted to model strength for my boys. I feel good about that.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Topic Posts: 29
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