I am glad you know you are beautiful the rest of the time honey. Don't let what he has done ruin your self-esteem.
One of the reasons I cannot visualize myself in a relationship with anyone ever again is because I cannot imagine anyone ever being attracted to me again. Sadly, I can still hear his voice and see the look on his face when he would sneer at me and tell me that I disgusted him, that I made him sick, that I was repulsive, that I was a waste of air & space...
Clearly this is one of the things I'm still working on.
You're internalizing someone who, in your mind, "rejected" you - so you feel insecure, inferior, "less than"....
Do not let his lack of self-esteem, self-respect, and internal ugliness project onto you. This isn't about you. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't fix it.
I agree with the others about him but isn't it amazing as human beings we allow some to reflect their shit on us? Yes, it is about being rejected and it sucks!
Now, when I see him, I feel beautiful. I look better thanks to the infidelity diet, but most importantly, no matter how he looks outwardly, he is more ugly than me on the inside. I am beautiful because I have integrity, and seeing him reminds me of that. But it's taken a year of separation to get here.
You'll get there too.
Cause they is ugly on the inside. And that's where the real beauty lies, isnt it?
Yes...I KNOW his A was a result of his ugliness and low self but I still can't help these intrusive thoughts.
[This message edited by strongerdaybyday at 6:41 PM, April 14th (Monday)]
**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**
But as soon as she enters the picture everything feels dreary and sad
RyeBread you just described the Dementors from the Harry Potter series and that is exactly how I felt when he entered the room sucking out all the joy in the room with his "dementor's kiss". I had all the self confidence in the world until he entered the room. May have to be a new name for the dumbass.
[This message edited by GreatRoleModel at 9:35 PM, April 14th, 2014 (Monday)]
As a self esteem boost I used to make sure I was dolled up at the pick up or drop off. I did this for me though and I am sure as a "ha look what your missing out on"
Now I have reached indifference I don't care he is nothing to me.
Right now I look better than I have in years and the idiot has been calling me fat, he hasn't got a close look at me lately.....I'm going to chuckle a little bit when he does. Gutter pig can't hold a candle to me and when people see what he left for the comments are priceless. So right now, I feel great regardless of if I'm around him or not.
She is a raving bitch though so I guess it's a trade off for having a hot new girlfriend that you can brag about.
he Dementors from the Harry Potter series and that is exactly how I felt when he entered the room sucking out all the joy in the room with his "dementor's kiss".
Gosh- this is EXACTLY how I feel. It's amazing how, even now, when he steps into the room I feel the joy leaving. And then when he leaves, a huge relief....
My stbxwh is a REALLY good looking guy and used to tell me all the time how other women told him how hot he was...usually fishing for compliments or jealousy from me because he was insecure to the extreme. It used to make me barf because, even before A, all I could see was what he was on the inside and how he treated me.
I don't feel ugly. I know I'm good looking. But, I have insecurities sexually and I'm sure I will in the future. I've read on here about people having casual flings after getting out of their M and I just can't imagine that right now. I'm kind of insecure about my body...sexually. I'm fit, but I've had 2 babies and...you know...a lot of things change after that. Also - stbxwh made me feel really insecure about some things sexually because of things he wouldn't do. I'm sure you can all read between the lines here...
I just picture being in another relationship in the future and feeling very insecure about someone doing "that" down "there"...
Oh god- TMI...
I'm just...gonna go now....
[This message edited by Klove at 8:56 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)]