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Newest Member: BreezyBear (44281)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 14 years
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is throwing shit AT you?

Call the police next time. She has no right to be violent towards you..

Oh..and calling herself a worthless slut? It's self pity..it's selfish...and it's manipulative...she is trying to make you feel sorry for her.

Do NOT turn the internet back on. Or the phone.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7139 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What 'confused' said.

If she's throwing stuff, call the cops and file a police report each time she gets 'physical'.

This is important for two reasons.

1) to protect you while establishing how dysfunctional she is if you must file for divorce or protection.

2) to shield your daughter from experiencing her mother's dangerous behavior and poor example and especially to protect your daughter from violence itself.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also...get a VAR(voice activated recorder)..and carry it on you at all times. She sounds unstable...and she is very angry right now..you just made it very difficult for her to continue her other life...you need to protect yourself. It's highly possible she will hurt herself during an argument, then call the police and say it was you.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7139 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wish there was something I could do to help her.

This statement really jumped out at me. It is classic co-dependent, KISA (knight in shining armor) thinking.

Remember this:

Don't
Even
Think
About
Changing
Her

The only people we can save, or ultimately be responsible for in this life, are ourselves.

She must take responsibility for what she has done. If she can heal herself and become healthy and safe, great. But honestly, it's not your job. Your job is to take care of YOU. Worrying about her instead is going to muddy your thinking and set you up for more hurt. She has to want to do the work herself, and no amount of your wanting to do it for her will change the situation or her capability to step up and get help and become a better person. Sad, but true.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3734 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
GoodFaith
♂ Member
Member # 28249
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exodus. I have just read through this post and must say that you have made great strides already. Keep it up!

On the first page I was ready to send you a 2x4 for being an even bigger avoider than me!

Taking away her access is a great first step. Don't let her conniving pity party drop your resolve.

On a different note, as always from SI you have received good advice. We are here for you and care. I think you see that.

Several posters have advised that you remove yourself and your daughter from the poisoned environment.

I suggest you remove the poison FROM your environment.

It is YOUR family home. If your WW no longer cares about her family then kick her ass out the door. Let her see if any of her so called 'friends' will take her in for more than a couple hours of abusive sex. You and (more so) your daughter should not have to find a new home because of your WW.

You have started to take a stand. Keep it up and you will find you have far more strength and power than you thought. You will not need the Oxy - it was only dulling the pain of shock and feeling powerless.

You have power. You have your daughter to care fore and teach how to live.

Prayers


BH (me) 51
FWW (CSA)44
3 Kids 17-23
DDay1 - 01/08/08 finaly found proof but still denied all.
DD2 31/08/2009 admited 4 cheats - one total stranger
DD3 20/01/2010 admitted 3 more

Posts: 311 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Ontario
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also...get a VAR(voice activated recorder)..and carry it on you at all times. She sounds unstable...and she is very angry right now..you just made it very difficult for her to continue her other life...you need to protect yourself. It's highly possible she will hurt herself during an argument, then call the police and say it was you.

Read and heed!

If she's half as unstable as it sounds, she's likely to do ANYTHING at any time.

Protect yourself and your daughter.

VARs are cheap and available - Best Buy, etc.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've said this multiple times to multiple people but when I learned what I am about to tell you it was eye opening for me.

Exodus... You have ALL the power.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but you do. Her only move is to convince you she is holding all of the cards. In her mind she is holding the cards. In reality she has a hand full of nothing. Let's face it, she can't even supply her own internet or phone.

If you want to see how much power you have, just quit supplying her needs. Start 180'ing her or stop catering to her altogether. When you do this she is going to do three things.

1. She is going to get super nasty with you and try to coerce you to bend to her will on her terms. (sounds like you are already in step 1)

2. #1 didn't work so she will try being nice to you in an attempt to manipulate you and get what she wants. ( I was shocked at how manipulating my sweet and wonderful wife became.)

3. When you still don't cave she is going to get really nasty with you.

All you have to do is march down your path and do not waver from it. Figure out what you want out of life for you and your daughter and do just that.

[This message edited by damaged71 at 4:13 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 341 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm agreeing with damaged71, you need space to get away, take your daughter.
You must, and I mean must, back off the oxy and the drinking by what ever means it takes.
Frankly, I'm not sure this is fixable, it sounds like she has gone to a different level, and even if you somehow decided to salvage some kind of relationship, I'm not sure it is sustainable or could get to a point that it would be better than the alternative of divorce.
I'm still 50/50 after my WW bullshit 10 years ago, and Dude, your shit is way more fucked up than mine ever was. Sorry to be blunt and I wishing you the best, but it's gonna take a lot of work, and you going on cruise thru hell before you ever get to daylight. In the meantime, you need to get yourself straightened out, off the oxy and drink, so you can fully function.
Your main priority is you daughter and your own well being. Those come first.

[This message edited by twisted at 4:23 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
exodus
♂ New Member
Member # 42984
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We just got done with another huge argument about the phone and internet.

She said it wasn't right for me to take away the basic things that she has in her life that make her happy. Her typical rants began about how worthless she is, how much she's a worthless whore/slut. I walked away and locked our bedroom door and just stayed in there. Daughter is away with grandma/grandpa on spring break, she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.

I'm not sure where she went or what she's doing as she has no phone.


Me: 32
Her: 30
Daughter: 12
D-day: Sept. 2013
Previous D-day: My B-day- May 18 2008

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Maryland
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nanny cams, VAR.

she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.

Yep, that's behavior a judge is likely to look favorably on when deciding where to place your daughter.

Document EVERYTHING. It can and will be used at the D hearing. You WILL in all likelihood be accused of violence against her. If for no other reason than she wants you out. Like a petulant child, she might say anything to anyone to get her way regardless of the damage done to everyone surrounding her.(Yea, my XW charged me. In open court, she stated that I was a danger to her and my son because I left the oven on overnight(empty) . But the cops still came and got me. Based on her word of course)

Get yourself clean and sober brother. Your kid is going to need the best you've got in the very near future. Drugs and alcohol aren't the way to provide it.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2551 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call the police. Get this documented.

Get one or two VARs.

You need to stop this.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
exodus
♂ New Member
Member # 42984
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah fuck. She's at her parents, she just called me and stated she has called the police. I can only imagine how this is going to go down. I've now drank almost a pint of vodka and the house is a disaster.

So this is how it ends?


Me: 32
Her: 30
Daughter: 12
D-day: Sept. 2013
Previous D-day: My B-day- May 18 2008

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Maryland
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You must protect yourself.

She will ruin you and can, if she does it right, keep you from your daughter.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't attempt to clean!!!

she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.

When they arrive, state exactly what you have told us. Have them fingerprint if possible.

Strength

ETA Above all else, remain calm, cooperate. Have someone ready to call a lawyer.

[This message edited by 5454real at 7:11 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2551 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

exodus,

Stay super calm and composed and allow her to be the raging lunatic.


Posts: 11399 | Registered: Mar 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to get that last message on, hopefully, in time for you to see it.

She may have called the cops, she may have been bluffing. I have no idea. What I DO know is that this is an unhealthy situation for everyone involved.

I took it easy on you last night because I knew you were struggling, but tonight's going to be a little different. Look, you have a serious problem with alcohol and it doesn't matter where or when it began, but it needs to end NOW. You need to check yourself into a rehab facility or you're going to DIE and leave your daughter in the hands of a monster. Don't do that to yourself and don't do that to her. Please. You're no good to her if you're dead. Don't worry about your job, just worry about your LIFE right now.

And hugs.


Posts: 11399 | Registered: Mar 2008
exodus
♂ New Member
Member # 42984
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I locked up and left. I'm over at my neighbors house now.they came with 3 cruisers no sign of her.

Dunno if this is a good idea or not but I figure dealing with them drunk wouldn't help things

[This message edited by exodus at 7:53 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


Me: 32
Her: 30
Daughter: 12
D-day: Sept. 2013
Previous D-day: My B-day- May 18 2008

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Maryland
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay. I'm glad you're at your neighbor's house. Hopefully, you can now see that you're going to have to be on your toes ALWAYS with her.

Others have suggested a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) hidden on you at all times and a nanny cam. You need to have both of those things before you see her again, if you're going to see her again.

Believe it or not, she's following a really nasty script that we've seen plenty of before. The good news is that you're not alone and quite a few guys here have gone through this. The bad news is that she's showing you who she really is. It's in your best interest to believe her and take steps to protect yourself and your daughter. By drinking and taking the Oxy, you're actually playing right into her hands. You're not dealing with someone who views life the same way as 'normal' people view it. The list I gave you yesterday is actually a list that describes a very inhuman type of person. Don't try to appeal to common decency because she has none. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, either, because she has none. I know that's hard to take, but it's the truth. The closest thing she'll ever feel to being hurt is what she felt when you took away her toys. She threw a complete fit over that, but showed no emotion over shattering your heart.

Right now, take care of YOU and your daughter. Nothing else matters.


Posts: 11399 | Registered: Mar 2008
exodus
♂ New Member
Member # 42984
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back at home, snuck up through the woods into the back door. Still a cruiser on the road.

Why does it have to be like this, I know they want to arrest me. I didn't do anything. This shit is so fucked up.


Me: 32
Her: 30
Daughter: 12
D-day: Sept. 2013
Previous D-day: My B-day- May 18 2008

Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Maryland
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If downing a pint of vodka is more important than your daughter, you're on your own.

You don't want help. You want an audience.

If you're looking to have your life look like an episode of "Cops", and your daughter sucked into it, you're well on your way.

Good luck.

I'm out.

[This message edited by Merlin at 8:27 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 80
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