Call the police next time. She has no right to be violent towards you..
Oh..and calling herself a worthless slut? It's self pity..it's selfish...and it's manipulative...she is trying to make you feel sorry for her.
Do NOT turn the internet back on. Or the phone.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
If she's throwing stuff, call the cops and file a police report each time she gets 'physical'.
This is important for two reasons.
1) to protect you while establishing how dysfunctional she is if you must file for divorce or protection.
2) to shield your daughter from experiencing her mother's dangerous behavior and poor example and especially to protect your daughter from violence itself.
Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11
I just wish there was something I could do to help her.
This statement really jumped out at me. It is classic co-dependent, KISA (knight in shining armor) thinking.
The only people we can save, or ultimately be responsible for in this life, are ourselves.
She must take responsibility for what she has done. If she can heal herself and become healthy and safe, great. But honestly, it's not your job. Your job is to take care of YOU. Worrying about her instead is going to muddy your thinking and set you up for more hurt. She has to want to do the work herself, and no amount of your wanting to do it for her will change the situation or her capability to step up and get help and become a better person. Sad, but true.
On the first page I was ready to send you a 2x4 for being an even bigger avoider than me!
Taking away her access is a great first step. Don't let her conniving pity party drop your resolve.
On a different note, as always from SI you have received good advice. We are here for you and care. I think you see that.
Several posters have advised that you remove yourself and your daughter from the poisoned environment.
I suggest you remove the poison FROM your environment.
It is YOUR family home. If your WW no longer cares about her family then kick her ass out the door. Let her see if any of her so called 'friends' will take her in for more than a couple hours of abusive sex. You and (more so) your daughter should not have to find a new home because of your WW.
You have started to take a stand. Keep it up and you will find you have far more strength and power than you thought. You will not need the Oxy - it was only dulling the pain of shock and feeling powerless.
You have power. You have your daughter to care fore and teach how to live.
Also...get a VAR(voice activated recorder)..and carry it on you at all times. She sounds unstable...and she is very angry right now..you just made it very difficult for her to continue her other life...you need to protect yourself. It's highly possible she will hurt herself during an argument, then call the police and say it was you.
Read and heed!
If she's half as unstable as it sounds, she's likely to do ANYTHING at any time.
Protect yourself and your daughter.
VARs are cheap and available - Best Buy, etc.
Exodus... You have ALL the power.
I know it doesn't seem like it, but you do. Her only move is to convince you she is holding all of the cards. In her mind she is holding the cards. In reality she has a hand full of nothing. Let's face it, she can't even supply her own internet or phone.
If you want to see how much power you have, just quit supplying her needs. Start 180'ing her or stop catering to her altogether. When you do this she is going to do three things.
1. She is going to get super nasty with you and try to coerce you to bend to her will on her terms. (sounds like you are already in step 1)
2. #1 didn't work so she will try being nice to you in an attempt to manipulate you and get what she wants. ( I was shocked at how manipulating my sweet and wonderful wife became.)
3. When you still don't cave she is going to get really nasty with you.
All you have to do is march down your path and do not waver from it. Figure out what you want out of life for you and your daughter and do just that.
[This message edited by damaged71 at 4:13 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]
[This message edited by twisted at 4:23 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]
She said it wasn't right for me to take away the basic things that she has in her life that make her happy. Her typical rants began about how worthless she is, how much she's a worthless whore/slut. I walked away and locked our bedroom door and just stayed in there. Daughter is away with grandma/grandpa on spring break, she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.
I'm not sure where she went or what she's doing as she has no phone.
she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.
Yep, that's behavior a judge is likely to look favorably on when deciding where to place your daughter.
Document EVERYTHING. It can and will be used at the D hearing. You WILL in all likelihood be accused of violence against her. If for no other reason than she wants you out. Like a petulant child, she might say anything to anyone to get her way regardless of the damage done to everyone surrounding her.(Yea, my XW charged me. In open court, she stated that I was a danger to her and my son because I left the oven on overnight(empty) . But the cops still came and got me. Based on her word of course)
Get yourself clean and sober brother. Your kid is going to need the best you've got in the very near future. Drugs and alcohol aren't the way to provide it.
Get one or two VARs.
You need to stop this.
So this is how it ends?
She will ruin you and can, if she does it right, keep you from your daughter.
she stormed around the house broke a few things and left.
When they arrive, state exactly what you have told us. Have them fingerprint if possible.
ETA Above all else, remain calm, cooperate. Have someone ready to call a lawyer.
[This message edited by 5454real at 7:11 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]
Stay super calm and composed and allow her to be the raging lunatic.
She may have called the cops, she may have been bluffing. I have no idea. What I DO know is that this is an unhealthy situation for everyone involved.
I took it easy on you last night because I knew you were struggling, but tonight's going to be a little different. Look, you have a serious problem with alcohol and it doesn't matter where or when it began, but it needs to end NOW. You need to check yourself into a rehab facility or you're going to DIE and leave your daughter in the hands of a monster. Don't do that to yourself and don't do that to her. Please. You're no good to her if you're dead. Don't worry about your job, just worry about your LIFE right now.
Dunno if this is a good idea or not but I figure dealing with them drunk wouldn't help things
[This message edited by exodus at 7:53 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]
Others have suggested a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) hidden on you at all times and a nanny cam. You need to have both of those things before you see her again, if you're going to see her again.
Believe it or not, she's following a really nasty script that we've seen plenty of before. The good news is that you're not alone and quite a few guys here have gone through this. The bad news is that she's showing you who she really is. It's in your best interest to believe her and take steps to protect yourself and your daughter. By drinking and taking the Oxy, you're actually playing right into her hands. You're not dealing with someone who views life the same way as 'normal' people view it. The list I gave you yesterday is actually a list that describes a very inhuman type of person. Don't try to appeal to common decency because she has none. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, either, because she has none. I know that's hard to take, but it's the truth. The closest thing she'll ever feel to being hurt is what she felt when you took away her toys. She threw a complete fit over that, but showed no emotion over shattering your heart.
Right now, take care of YOU and your daughter. Nothing else matters.
Why does it have to be like this, I know they want to arrest me. I didn't do anything. This shit is so fucked up.
You don't want help. You want an audience.
If you're looking to have your life look like an episode of "Cops", and your daughter sucked into it, you're well on your way.
[This message edited by Merlin at 8:27 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]