Hardship is a pathway to peace...
. I fight the tears, the anger. I try to silence the 15 million questions popping up in my head.
If you don't feel the feelings and get the questions answered and be allowed to feel your pain and anger, you can't heal.
Please don't stuff the pain. It needs to come out, it doesn't just go away.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Good new is that right now, at 22 months out, most of my days are normal to wonderful. There's still some up and downs, but I can honestly say that I enjoy my life right now and I anticipate the future. It's taken a lot of work from both of us, a lot of tears, and a lot of pain, but we're in a very good place right now.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Now, I actually go days without thinking about it, and when I do think about the A, the stabbing feeling is gone...I mean, it isn't a pleasant memory, but it no longer hurts. It is more like, "Well...that sucked, but oh well." And I shrug it off.
Other things that I never would have believed-- I can actually watch tv shows without falling out pieces when infidelity comes up. I can wear the sweater that I wore on dday, without associating it with bad thoughts. When I met somebody with the same unusual name as OW, and I didn't automatically want to smack her. When FWH's needs a haircut, I don't think about how ow liked his hair long.
I'm not saying that everything is perfect. It isn't perfect, but it is normal. I no longer define myself as a betrayed woman. I am just plain old Sid.
So-- yes, the pain does subside. It does get better. Hang on.
At 10 months out I still get that feeling, the "Oh my God, this really happened" feeling, but I realized today when I had it (and it did make my eyes well up) that I hadn't had it in over a week! Not that I hadn't thought about the affair in a week (wouldn't that be nice), but that searing pain of remembering. So, definite progress. Healing can and does happen. It takes time, and work, and help, and love. Hang in there.
[This message edited by bionicgal at 9:19 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]
I edit, therefore I am.