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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Suggestions for relaxing, seeking peace calm
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What strategies have any used to calm your minds, get enough sleep when anxious, hurt, and worried. Prayers? Meditation music , calming teas, scents, massages, baths, exercise? Please share how you reduce your stress and anxiety and ease your mind body and spirit when faced with those moments you are not feeling so strong.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Water! A trip to the beach or water front somewhere I always find water soothing. I hate the beach mind you but love the smell and sounds of the ocean.

Exercise - walking in the fresh air gives a fresh perspective.

For sleep - My IC gave me a copy of a CD is sleep hypnosis on it, you could probably find something on iTunes for this as well. I used to play the CD when I went to bed and put it on repeat and it really helped and my bedroom was close enough to the kids so they got to listen to it too so it was win win. It was essentially about the fact that I deserved to get sleep and rest and forget about the world for enough time to drift off into natural sleep. I don't find the need to use it now but it was really helpful in the first year or so.

Finding and listening to empowering songs/music also helped too music was a real therapy tool for me.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yoga and running both helped for me (and I wasn't into either before DDay). Yoga let me cry; running was an outlet for my anger.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13571 | Registered: Jul 2011
kg201
♂ Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exercise was number one. I rock climb, and a session at the gym would help me for a day or two.

Loud, angry music in the car. Not peaceful, but metal/punk have helped me externalize my anger in an appropriate way since I was a kid, so I don't hold it inside.

I read a while back about how sensory integration therapy strategies help folks, autistic primarily, calm their bodies and minds. One type of therapy involves applying pressure to the body...the sensory part of the pressure is calming. So I started putting a pillow on top of my head as I fall asleep to add pressure. It does help some.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 597 | Registered: Aug 2013
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes I have a glass of wine while I'm cooking dinner, so by the time I take a shower I'm more relaxed.

My other suggestion is more faith based, I read my bible and pray before I go to sleep. I also play my favorite worship music before bed especially on the nights that I'm not at peace or hurting more than usual.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hiking saved me; being out in nature, working hard to climb the hills, experiencing different plants and animals--bliss.

Yoga helps too, but I'm too undisciplined to do it on my own. During class, though, it's a form of active meditation.

However, sleep is still elusive. I haven't fully found a way to calm my overactive mind. Well, yes, I do know the solution--I have to get my life under better control--but that's still a work in progress.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19812 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
deena04
♀ Member
Member # 41741
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exercise; I run and do yoga nearly everyday. Pg now, so the running is slowing to a jog and being more careful about my yoga, but still at it and will continue to do so. I feel like jelly after doing these; it's like a stress relief / massage session. Love it!


Me BS mid-late 30s
Him WS knocking on 40 (lovemywife4ever)
blended family with lots of kiddos
together 5 years, married 8/13
D day 12/1/13
WH ONS had been 4/12
Getting ME back and moving to HAPPY - whatever that means
Filed, but may R after

Posts: 790 | Registered: Dec 2013
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I'm horrible. I started smoking again to relax. Since I only do it outside, it makes for a nice little 'time out.' But since I don't want to get lung cancer and die...

I shall be taking up walking. I'll get my outside time outs, and help improve my health. I really need to leave the nicotine alone.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1556 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of the above!!! I would also have a bottle or two of wine with a friend at least once each week. When I was having trouble sleeping, though, I listed to a CD called "Sleep Ease". It worked like a charm on the nights without wine. I found a whole series called "Mental Medicine" and really liked it.

ETA: I treated reducing stress as a part-time job, actually. It kept me sane. I did some journaling but counting my blessings was really the thing that helped me get out of bed some days. Exercise and just noticing how I was feeling without JUDGING how I was feeling was pretty crucial.

take care of yourself!

[This message edited by WeepingBuddhist at 3:26 PM, April 15th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 46
Him: LCB--lying, cheating bastard 50
D-Day 4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 532 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
Leia
♀ Member
Member # 42510
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The anti-depressants are working wonders for me right now. I've taken up yoga--there is actually a local class!!! And, I've started playing the piano again. Now that my piano is moved. Haven't quit smoking, but hey, that is on my list of things to do in NB once the D is done.


"Somebody get this walking carpet out of my way." Princess Leia, Star Wars

Posts: 296 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: Kansas
hope2014
♀ New Member
Member # 42707
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anti-depressants and prescription sleeping pills have helped me a lot. I've also recently made friends with my treadmill. I have found running at the end of the day when the emotions tend to be the strongest is quit simply keeping me sane. A glass of wine and a bowl of ice cream (not necessarily together ) also help. I also found that spring cleaning helped tremendously. It may be the need to remove his aura/taint/etc. from the house, but I've found it incredibly empowering to take over the entire closet, rearrange furniture, hang up pictures, etc.


Me - BS; 35
Him - WH; 34
Married - 15 years
2 Kids - Agess 3 and 6
DDay - 2/26/14

Posts: 47 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: Ohio
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friends and family saved me. I spoke on the phone for hours post d day. Just getting it out was helpful.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 693 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, April 15th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exercise helped me a lot, and yoga. Though yoga tends to make me emotional anyway so if I'm having an iffy day it can sometimes be too much for me. Massage definitely helps, both in stress relief and just having a caring human touch.

Total mental escape was HUGE for me, especially at first. I absolutely could NOT get my brain to stop obsessing about everything A related. And the constant obsessing was exhausting and sooo depressing. On a whim I starting watching the first season of Game of Thrones. Ahh! Escape at last. For that 45 mins per episode, my mind was so involved in that universe and those characters, that it was forced to take a break from my real life drama. It broke the cycle for me, and that was what I needed.

For sleep, I use an app on my iphone called Relax Melodies. If you can't find that one there are many others. You can choose sounds like rain, waves, crickets etc. It really helps me fall asleep when the *silence* is too loud.

((caretaker1))

Wishing you the peace you seek.


Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 674 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For about 6 mos. I couldn't get to sleep without Sleepytime tea. Eventually I found that I just didn't need it anymore. But it helped immensely for that initial push.

I can't recommend enough taking a bath with either Epsom salt or magnesium flakes. It may sound crazy, but it will relax all of your muscles and help you really wind down. Add some magnesium lotion or oil afterwards and you'll sleep like a baby.

I also ate very, very light in those initial months. Very little (or no) sugar and carbs, except from fruit. I found that eating certain foods, like asparagus, helped elevate my mood.

I have a dog, so I was walking several miles everyday anyway. I've had a busy season at work, and was unable to really work out other than that. But now that things are winding down, I'm thinking of adding yoga.

I had a playlist of songs as well that helped me relax and just be sad when I needed to.

I was in pretty bad shape for the first several months. I'd say I was in a depression and possibly suicidal for about 6 months at least. But just staying consistent with all of the above got me through it.

Hope this helps!


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://bit.ly/1jKHrt3

I just read this yesterday and am thinking about trying it out...

[This message edited by norabird at 10:24 AM, April 16th (Wednesday)]


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3812 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A hot shower about an hour before bedtime. Relaxes the muscles.

Lavender is a calming scent. Peppermint is soothing.

I've been doing a lot of reading on mindfulness. Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart" has been a great help for me in starting down the mindfulness path.

Ground yourself in the moment and make note of your surroundings. Pay attention to your body and how it reacts to the world around you. Feel the Earth under your feet, the sun on your face, the wind as it brushes through your hair and over your skin. Breath from your core, slowly and deeply. Feel the muscles contract and extend. Tighten and loosen. Be still and breath as you feel the tension release. It takes time and a little practice, but it works for me every time.



You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24442 | Registered: Aug 2011
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That first year (or so) I used the tredmill I had in my basement (it died; I miss it ) to walk/run and get out my anger while listening to my "angry music". That got the anger out.

I also got a prescription for some light sleeping pills. I would ONLY take one on a non-work night, when I didn't have the kids, so I didn't take them often. BUT..just having that solid nights sleep about every 2 weeks? Did me wonders. You can think much more clearly when you are getting enough sleep.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5374 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
myowndystopia
♀ Member
Member # 41340
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I journal. Started it in November so now it is interesting to go back and read previous entries in my journal. Some posts are full of rage, some are me being pathetic, some are boasting my accomplishments- they just vary but I do notice that through the months my posts have become more about me and less about him. I also have some devotion books I read before bed. I also have a couple of playlists that I listen to- one list is songs I feel are empowering in some way and the other is praise songs from Sunday worship service.

I have a sound machine too and like to have it on the rain noise.


Me- BS
Him - WS (the Grub)
married 28 years/4 kids(mostly grown)

"'Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew.
All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true "
Set Fire to the Rain
Adele


Posts: 408 | Registered: Nov 2013
Topic Posts: 18

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