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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: First Aid for low self worth
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Question  Posted: 8:54 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you ever have days where you feel like your life is a series of mistakes and screw ups? Having the feeling that everyone is pointing out your errors? Self worth taking a huge dip downward, as if you just can't do anything right.

What are some helpful things to do to boost yourself up again?


Posts: 4719 | Registered: Dec 2009
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Positive self talk. (Seriously - go sit in your car an give yourself a pep talk outloud, focused on at least 10 things you have done right or that you like about yourself.)

Change of scenery. Get up, go for a walk, get fresh air, see something new, refocus your energy for ten minutes, and then start new.

Divide and concur until you succeed. If you feel like you're failing, you're probably overwhelmed, so break it down into manageable pieces and take care of them.

Chocolate.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13812 | Registered: Jul 2011
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided to stop seeing the gf over exactly that. Seemed like her idea of a relationship was finding flaws in many things I did or am as a person, instead of appreciating my great traits. Whereas in her mind she never does anything wrong. Including never apologizing for anything she would say that hurt me even if I came straight out and told her. Became where all I did was walk on eggshells around her until the next bomb was to be dropped. I heard enough of my flaws from exWW when I discovered her A and she began the hard blameshifting. My self-esteem took enough of a toll and I'm not interested in being on that train anymore with anyone. So if you're not appreciative of what I do for you (and believe me I do a lot), then I cut you out of my life now and move on.

I want to be with someone who lifts me up, not dissects me and beats me down. Some people just don't get that. I can do bad all by myself thank you very much.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exercise and chocolate. Counterintuitive, I know. But it works. For me, they bring good endorphins.

I remind myself how much I have accomplished.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4187 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Physical activity. A brisk walk usually helps me.

Music. Play something upbeat and empowering. A song that lifts you and makes you feel good.

Do one simple thing that you can't fail at - like a load of laundry, taking out the recycling, or paying a bill. Something that needs to get done and is easy. It will give you a little positive bump that you can build on.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25842 | Registered: Aug 2011
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgive yourself. When you have negative self-talk about your choices--stop and say, it's okay that I made this mistake. I forgive myself. I did the best I could. Now I have the chance to do even better going forward.

You deserve that gift. I really believe that accepting your path in life, with all of your errors included, and stopping beating yourself up about it pays huge dividends.

The past is past. Don't hold it over your head while trying to move forward.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LearningToRun
♀ Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I generally check the calendar and recognize my monthly friend is about to make an appearance. There is a definite part of my cycle where i feel worthless and underwater. It passes.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Feb 2011
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get up and get a drink or take a break just for a few minutes and look at the sky. All this really doesn't matter life is about enjoyment and there will be mistakes.

When you are ready ask yourself is the criticism valid if not then disregard if you want to improve then make a plan.

Every moment is a fresh start!

Be good to yourself!


Posts: 1015 | Registered: Jul 2012
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These are great generic ideas.

But you can also ask people who KNOW you in real life to write down three words, five words, your best trait, favorite memory, to describe YOU, the YOU that others see. Then read those. over and over and over. Post the words, next to some of your favorite pictures of you doing some pretty awesome things (parasailing???) and realize that HOLY HELL YOU ROCK!!!!

You are bright. You are witty. You are kind. You are humble. You are strong. You are one of the strongest people I know.

You are cute. You are healthy. You are adventurous, spunky, and funny. You have a great smile.

NOW. Go get some more and accept that it is truth.

We are so good at negative self talk. It takes conscious training to break that habit. Starting with other perspectives is a baby step to transitioning to positive self talk. YOU CAN DO IT!!

I am reminded of an exercise in psychology class I took a long time ago. Take a person and hammer them with criticism and ask them to resist pressure on a raised arm. They are physically weaker than when given praise and repeating the exercise. Whether the participant believes the compliments/criticism or not, the effect of the words is clear.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5864 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not alone. I have lots of times where I feel everything I do, touch, etc., just turns into a disaster.

Yes, a lot of times these feelings occur during my "monthly bill," but these feelings can be so damned depressing to the point where I do not know whether it's a good decision to purchase milk. It may spoil before I have time to drink it!!! Crazy.

No advice. I think everyone who has responded gave you some great ideas. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'll be trying to practice some of these suggestions too.


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
mixedemotions
♀ Member
Member # 35810
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a saying on here a while back

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or anxiety, check to be sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

Or something like that, may have misquoted a word or two. Are people really pointing out your errors or are you the one doing that? Either way, try to surround yourself with as much positivity as you can. If these people are coworkers or people you can't otherwise escape then develop an arsenal of happy things to offset their negative energy. Anything that makes you happy...pictures, quotes, smells, lotions, fuzzy slippers, etc.

It's amazing how my anxious personality and depressive symptoms released their grip when I released toxic people from my life (sometimes just symbolically in terms of not letting their energy zap mine anymore, or by getting better at boundaries so I didn't have to completely cut them out of my life) and that included my toxic relationship with myself. I stopped being as mean to myself as other people had been to me. I've screwed up. So what? We all have. I know I'll continue to make mistakes and will also continue to learn from them and to do some pretty great things too!

More concrete ways - exercise for endorphins, take in some fresh air, new hair cut, mani/pedi, listen to some feel good music, yoga, dance as silly as you can around your house, check in with an old friend...these all sound small and they are, they're not long lasting but can show you that you can feel good about yourself again, even briefly, and that might start the ball rolling. Also maybe join a volunteer group or do something that allows you to feel good about what you can do for your community?


Me: Former BW, 28
Divorced 10/11/12
He didn't show up for the D...very fitting, seeing as he didn't show up for the M, either : )
"What did not demolish me simply polished me, now the clearer I can see" - India Arie

Posts: 382 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Back in the Southeast!
Topic Posts: 11

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