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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: The lazy boy saga concludes. Calm me down.
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I figured she would do that. The lazy boy was never about her actually wanting the lazy boy. When choosing the TV didn't set you off, she chose the lazy boy because she thought you'd be emotionally attached enough to say you wouldn't agree and then she could say you were the bad guy who wouldn't settle. She wanted the drama then so she could prove to herself and everyone else that she wasn't making a huge mistake divorcing you. You proved her wrong then.

She knew offering it after fighting for it would be another potential way to start drama. You have learned, every time, that the best way to keep the drama out of your life is no response unless necessary. In this case, she asked a question. You had two better choices than the one you went with: 1. No response 2. If you absolutely couldn't bring yourself to not respond, the simple answer of "No".

Personally, I think no response would be your best way to go because I believe even if you'd just said "No", you'd still have gotten some response about your attitude. She projects a lot.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4145 | Registered: Sep 2005
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crickets. These are her death throes brother - I'm glad you shut that shit down and told her no further comms were necessary. No more responding about each item that she offers.

The funnier, totes innapropes response would be: You dumb, crazy bitch. Go suck on a bag of dicks.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


She asked a question. A reasonable question really. Because if you drove by and said Lazy Boy was on the curb with no offer to you it would be "She could have at least asked me if I wanted it! My kids gave it to me...."

I'm speaking for AD here, but I think the point wasn't that she asked, but that she pitched such a fit over the chair prior to D and refused to sign the MSA unless he gave it to her and now..."I don't want it, do you?"

She is crazy to the nth degree! So sorry you are still dealing with her BS. Hopefully she tires of this eventually and finds someone new to annoy.


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
Caretaker1
♂ Member
Member # 42777
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore her texts. It's her twisted way of staying in contact. Leave it be. Take a walk, don't read them for days as nothing she is contacting you for is an emergency. Please NC or as little with her. Go away lady go bother your AP as you had a good man and family. Don't let the karma bus hit u on the way out.

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2014
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Point taken. Thank you. I must have the following conversation in my head when this sort of thing happens again:

"How dare she! Does she not realize, remember, etc.?"

"She may or she may not. It doesn't matter."

"But if I remind her of --"

"No. Don't bother. It won't make any difference. It won't penetrate."

"But it's not fair."

"No, it sure isn't."

"So, if I must respond, just the facts?"

"Yes, just the facts. Take some breaths, scream aloud to yourself what you really want to say, and then respond factually, emotionlessly, with as few words as possible."

"Because it doesn't matter?"

"Correct. It doesn't matter."

I think that's far more headspace than she deserves. It should go more like this, IMHO:

Ping: text arrives from ex
Abbondad glances at phone and notes it's from ex.
Mental check: are kids with me?

Option a: YES. No further reaction required.

Option b: NO, kids are with ex. Abbondad opens text, scans to see if kids are bleeding or otherwise needing emergency assistance.

Sub option a: YES. Abbondad calls ex and asks why the flip she didn't call instead of texting and then proceeds to handle emergency accordingly.

Sub option b: NO. No further action required.

[This message edited by nekorb at 8:06 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
thenon-goddess
♀ Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^love !


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Feb 2011
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, it's at times like this where you HAVE to sit on your hands or a "piss off stupid bitch" might go flying through the cell phone! Great job with the crickets.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 1:27 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um.. I thought the post topic was LADY boy saga continues.


And thought hmm this could be interesting...

Then I read about the chair... And wondered how on earth a lady boy tied into it.

Then I re read the heading

Either way, I got a laugh

Edited to say.. Sorry abbondad. I did not mean to imply I was laughing at your misfortune.. I e been following your story and I kind of hear Benny hill music in the background when I picture your ex wife's shenanigans ....

[This message edited by Sadmumma at 1:32 AM, April 17th (Thursday)]


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 536 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much, everyone. I'm still angry over it, but it has, yet again, been a learning experience. The lesson: NC.

I'm speaking for AD here, but I think the point wasn't that she asked, but that she pitched such a fit over the chair prior to D and refused to sign the MSA unless he gave it to her and now..."I don't want it, do you?"

^^^^ Yes, this is exactly it. It was the fact that she made such an ordeal over this chair--and the fact that this chair was signficant and had relevance to the children--that this is so infuriating. I really should not be surprised. It is consistent with her Crazy.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, this is exactly it. It was the fact that she made such an ordeal over this chair--and the fact that this chair was signficant and had relevance to the children--that this is so infuriating. I really should not be surprised. It is consistent with her Crazy.
AD, welcome to the next however many years you have before your kids are adults. Pull up a chair with the rest of us and join the "fun". We watch reruns of the same damn idiotic show every single day. It's called "my dumbass ex/stbx did the funniest shit today and actually thought I gave a fuck."

You'll get there it took me a good 6 or 7 months before I finally stopped letting the ex push my buttons or get me to respond to anything other than a kids related question. After awhile you will be able to "Professor X" her responses before she even texts them. Just because you get D doesn't stop the stupid shit. It just morphs into a different brand of stupid. They no longer have D shit to argue over so it now turns into kids stuff or whatever else they can think of at the moment. You actually will get used to this fairly quickly. The next big hurdle will be when YOU actually start dating. She will shit bricks then but by then you truly won't give a fuck. Your doing great man, enjoy your freedom and this shit to shall pass. Well it doesn't pass completely but you get used to it so ignoring it becomes second nature.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
keptmyword
♂ Member
Member # 35526
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry for your angry attitude; that's too bad."

Be prepared to receive a lot of this "anger" oriented form of trying to assign you blame.

I get very similar from the dysfunctional toxic POS that I divorced. In her mind, my not wanting to have anything to do with her is now something about me dealing with my "anger". Mind you, I don't talk, call, text, or communicate with this woman in any way except when it has to do with our children. I don't associate with any of her friends and have a good relationship with her family.

This is just the nature of the irresponsible and weak-minded. If there is an easy path to take - they will take it. Blaming is probably the easiest thing to do in life so she will always take that easy path.

Always know that who she was before you, while with you, and after you - never had anything to do with you.


I Divorced Her.

Posts: 363 | Registered: May 2012
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I'm sorry for your angry attitude; that's too bad."

I think crickets was a good response. No matter what you say/said in response to her question, she is coocoo and she'll always have some kind of stupid jab for you.

Although I probably would have replied with "LOL" or "LMAO" to her angry attitude comment. That would have thrown her for a loop.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello,

CXW texted me from the house to "confirm that I don't want anything else that is remaining in the house" and that she would "throw out" the rest.

I texted back, "That is correct. I want nothing."

I just passed the house to take my kids to their friends. She had thrown out 90% of everything she had demanded in the division of marital property--including her bicycle, a portable air conditioner, her grandmother's antique chairs, and of course...the Lazy Boy.

Over everything she had draped her wedding dress. (I'm sure she knew I would see this; my new house is right down the street.)

That stung for a minute, but then I just shook my head at how melodramatically nuts and pathetic she is.

(I took the bike. It's a great mountain bike ;-)

PS: DD told me what Mommy is doing with the big TV--she is bringing it to AP's vacation house. May it bring them years of bliss.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good lord, the wedding dress too?

I would have snapped a picture, that would make a great album cover...

Glad you got the bike.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or you can try a few of these ideas:
http://myexwifesweddingdress.com/the-list/


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually, AD, take a pic of the stuff that's on the curb for trash and just tuck it away.
With your CXWW's level of crazy, you may need it.

"AD never turned over my dear granny's antique chairs. I'm going to sue him!"


Me - 42
SorryInSac (WH#2) - 47. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - Stick a fork in me...

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW) - Legally married 18yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6525 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GET A PICTURE OF EVERYTHING BY THE CURB IF IT'S NOT TOO LATE!!!!!

You may need this in the future.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Too late for pictures. Someone already picked it clean. :-(


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One more thing: I went over to the house today to do some final cleaning, and looked more closely at the ton of stuff she'd left at the curb for trash pick up. Among it were all the kids' artwork (which adorned our entire kitchen), many special pictures of them, and a huge box of DD's dolls and stuffed animals.

This is very odd even for CXW. While of course she always puts her needs first, she loves them very much, "sentimentally" and in her own way. These sorts of memorabilia in particular are and have always been precious to her.

(She took a generator, though. I guess she figures she can sell it.)

Just very strange, upsetting, and vaguely creepy.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
betrayedfriend
♀ Member
Member # 19785
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please photograph what's left, and rescue your kids artwork and toys, your kids will be glad to decorate your new place with their art :)


I originally joined SI as a way to help my best friends find ways of coping with infidelity, but now infidelity has touched my family much closer to home.

Posts: 867 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Midwest USA
Topic Posts: 40
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