Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: dink (44972)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Repairing the Relationship
tikipalm
♂ New Member
Member # 43126
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A quick back story on my situation is this. My wife and I married three years after we had our first daughter. We started off rocky and young. We have been together for 15 years and married for 10. I am 37 and she is 36. About 7 months aog I noticed many changes in my wife that had me looking closely at a possible emotional affair between my wife and a married neighbor man. I confided in my married neighbor across the street about the struggles going on. Long story short, my wife had asked the married man across the street to "Come F*ck her" and he played along with it. She even disappeared to a bar with him at 1 in the morning and didn't come back till 3, or at least that is how the story goes. I couldn't even get the truth until I bluffed her into the bar piece. They both claim they were just drunk with the sexting and it was a silly joke - nothing more than that. The guy's wife had confided in my months prior that she believed they were having an affair because of their constant social media play with each other. In fact, she was the one that found the texts, but there was only that string of texts. Both my wife and the married man claim that is the only time that happened, but I fear there is more.

We have gone to a therapist for our issues, but that has all stopped, as we are working on our M and the bills for the therapist were really adding up. It has been two months since I have looked at her phone and I see that she feels complacent in our relationship again, as I have settled back into a role of focusing on myself and my two DD while not obsessing and smothering her like I was in the investigation stage. I am planning on asking to view her phone tonight to feel that things are moving in the right direction and to confirm there is nothing left to hide. I assume she is not actively trying to hide things, because of her peception of my complacency.

Tonight will be kind of be a day of reconning for me and I can see only two possible outcomes of me asking for her phone. One would be her just giving me the phone and unlocking it for me to take a peak and I see nothing - whether she has skillfully deleted everything or not will be something I will have no idea of. The second option is that she gets angry that I ask to see the phone and she tries to divert attention back to me as being a problem.

Any ideas out there on how to handle either response? I am trying my best to move things forward, but I really need some confirmation that the nonsense between her and our neighbor is over. I still hurt so much and assume there is something more than I know.


Posts: 2 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Mentor, OH
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight will be kind of be a day of reconning for me and I can see only two possible outcomes of me asking for her phone. One would be her just giving me the phone and unlocking it for me to take a peak and I see nothing - whether she has skillfully deleted everything or not will be something I will have no idea of. The second option is that she gets angry that I ask to see the phone and she tries to divert attention back to me as being a problem.

her ATTITUDE about turning over her phone will reveal lots. You should have access to the phone bill so you don't even have to look at her phone. Is his number blocked? Does she leave it laying around? I am a WW and a BS and both hubby and I purposely do this - leave it out in the open so it can be looked at any time.
Transparency is a must after an affair. Accept no less.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4941 | Registered: Dec 2010
tikipalm
♂ New Member
Member # 43126
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The phone is locked and I have no idea of her password, so even if it is lying around I can't get into it. As far as his number being blocked it is not. He lives across the street and our daughters are good buddiess, so the idea of them having zero contact would be difficult.

If she doesn't allow me to easily access her phone right then and there would be a pretty good indication that there is something more to hide.

Praying there is nothing left to see and I can have some peace of mind for a few days. Thanks for responding.


Posts: 2 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Mentor, OH
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he phone is locked and I have no idea of her password,

There should be 100% transparency after an affair. You are being awfully easy on her, being you are living in such close proximity to the OM.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4941 | Registered: Dec 2010
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, April 16th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just my two cents...
There is no reason for her phone to have a lock & you not have the password. Along with asking to look at the phone I would say you need the password as well.
If she gives you the phone willing...still look even if just to ease your mind & let her know that you will check in on occasion.
If she doesn't give it to you or gets upset that is something only you can decide what to do. We all react differently but if it were me I would say not getting it at all is not an option in R


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.