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User Topic: Complete lack of boundaries...
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
What?  Posted: 12:02 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work in a post 9/11 secured room. Only 3 of us in here today.

Not busy. I look over and the gentleman I work with is playing with his shiny new smart phone.

He hands it to me and says here, look...these are balconies in Florida that had a contest for the prettiest flowers.

I look and start to scroll through the flowers, some really gorgeous arrangements. About five photos in and there is a shot of a balcony full of Marigolds accompanied by a man and woman, completely naked, having sex.

WTF? I look up, horrified and embarrassed and the guy is looking at me, laughing like he just invented the joke.

I handed the phone back and let him know I was offended by it and his actions made me uncomfortable.

He just kept laughing....totally went over his head.

I know now not to ever look at anything he wants to show me again, lesson learned, but really WHO does that?


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3810 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WTH????

What is up with some people that they can even THINK this sort of this is funny? Ive seen guys share this stuff between themselves and I think thats not right. But for a guy to share something like this with a woman?? Wrong wrong wrong on allot of levels.

Maybe Im just a prude though.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche


Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that's sexual harrassment. I'd report it to your supervisor.

Posts: 3387 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just kept laughing

And this would be why I'd report it. It's not that he didn't know he was being inappropriate. He knew it and just didn't care. He purposely did that to you and that is unacceptable.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13755 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
OutoftheDeep
♀ Member
Member # 42601
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Completely unacceptable behavior. I quit a job two months ago because of my boss acting similiarly. Unfortunately he was the company owner and there was no HR.

What a jerk.

I'm sure he was fishing as well. If you had thought that was funny, he would have started stepping it up, step by step, to test your boundaries, probably looking for an A.

I feel like this is what my boss was starting to do.


Me - maybe BW 40s
He - maybe WH 40s
My mother was always the OW
ExWH in first M had lta.
Current marriage:
2/'13 out all night with an ow
2/'13 busted at strip club
4/'14-? bad boundaries w/howorker

Posts: 370 | Registered: Feb 2014
Schadenfreude
♂ Member
Member # 43075
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This type of behavior at work keeps legions of lawyers busy with sexual harassment lawsuits. It's called "hostile work environment" in thee trade. Do you have HR department to report it to? He can deny, of course, but he'll know he is being watched.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
simplydevastated
♀ Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!

All I would have said was "I have two letters for you. H..R... and walked out with his phone." I bet he wouldn't be laughing then.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would have immediately gotten up out of my chair & walked directly to the HR department, his phone still in my hand.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9685 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't go to HR, but I reported it to our union rep and advised him to have someone deal with him or I would report him.

I hope he listens or he won't have a job, idiot.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3810 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't go to HR, but I reported it to our union rep and advised him to have someone deal with him or I would report him.
Does your company have an ethics hotline. You should report it to the ethics hotline and notify your direct supervisor. Unless your Union rep has a corporate/company obligation to report it he could just go up to the guy and tell him to stop. If you officially report it up your chain of command or through the ethics hotline there is official documentation of the complaint.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1904 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
allusions
♀ Member
Member # 25376
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely report this to your supervisor and HR. It is a very serious offense.

Posts: 299 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: California Central Coast
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What an asshole. I'm glad you went to your union rep. People keep doing things like this because nobody bothers to stop it. You were right to do so.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37620 | Registered: Sep 2007
meplusfour
♀ Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kudos to you for doing the right thing.


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 366 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
MissMouseMo
♀ Member
Member # 38562
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad you reported him to the union rep but I urge you to report him to the company as well.

That triggered me *hard*. A man who would do that is dangerous to some of us who aren't as strong as you are.

I beseech you: please do everything you can.

That kind of sexual aggression MUST be stopped in its tracks forcefully and swiftly. Just like infidelity, I expect he will whine about how he's the victim because "it was nothing" but to some of us it's HUGE and frightening. I don't want to put the burden of protecting every woman on your shoulders, but I really hope you'll out him so he can't laugh at other woman's shock (and fear?).

(Sorry for my earnestness. Seriously triggered.)


It is the gut-wrenching, down-to-your-soul honesty that helps so much. ~paraphrased from CancunCrushed
"I edit, therefore I am." -BionicGal

Posts: 301 | Registered: Feb 2013
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you for reporting him. Asshole.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(just fyi -- One instance of showing an inappropriate photo does not create a hostile work environment.)

Look at your employer's harassment policy, Karma. Make sure that you reported the incident to the 'proper' person according to the guideline.

Also, someone will almost surely have a discussion with the guy about the incident. If, after his 'talking to', he cops an attitude with you.....tell him that his 'joke' offended you as a woman so you followed company policy. Let's just move on. No harm, no foul.
If he continues to give you 'attitude' after that? Report him again.

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:37 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8007 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys. I went to the union because if i Went to hr he would lose his job.

I have worked with this guy for three years. He lacks boundaries and says the most inappropriate things. I have been able to ignore him because I never felt targeted.

I am hoping the union rep can get through to him so he doesn't lose his job.

I won't work with him again until next week but am surprised to find myself uncomfortable with the thoughts of bumping into him.

I hope he listens, but fear his issues run deep. He might be good for a bit and then think he can loosen up


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3810 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have worked with this guy for three years. He lacks boundaries and says the most inappropriate things. I have been able to ignore him because I never felt targeted.

I am hoping the union rep can get through to him so he doesn't lose his job.

I won't work with him again until next week but am surprised to find myself uncomfortable with the thoughts of bumping into him.

And that is a hostile work environment. You shouldn't have to deal with or be uncomfortable with a co-workers displaying inappropriate behavior. Being that your in a secured room, this individual should be removed as he clearly lacks the character to be trusted in a secured environment of any kind. I don't know what specific duties your work performs, but if it involves secured access with sensitive material then this guy is showing a clear lack of integrity to be trusted for the job. He's an easy target to be "turned" for unauthorized access by an outside source. It's amazing what guys like that will give up for a piece of ass.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 498 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And then, if he starts showing his true colors again, you go to HR and tell them that you have already complained to your Union Rep named X, and since that didn't help, you now consider that this moron is going to continue to harass you while at work and you expect action.

You gave him the courtesy of firing a warning shot across his bow. If he ignores that, then you need to aim squarely at him.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4805 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Topic Posts: 19

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