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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: not a date but....
Lex71
♂ Member
Member # 41172
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

okay, not a 'date' but somehow during an after-spinning gym class conversation with the instructor found out she has just started road cycling (which I do), asked if she was interested in meeting up and going out together for a cycle and are now going out on Saturday - I was fully expecting a 'thanks but no thanks'!

It's an odd feeling to be anywhere near the 'dating game' and dating is something that is, and always has been, massively outside of my comfort zone so whilst I didn't actually ask her for a date, I managed to 'get past' my anxiety about even asking someone that I like to do anything.

Next big question is do I ask her if she'd like to meet up for drinks in the evening as we get toward the end of the cycle, should I say nothing, should I just ask about going for another cycle...I'm not very good at this!!

I know - I'm over thinking this. Its a 'bike ride', she won't be seeing it as anything other than that....


Me: 42 Her: xWGf 39
Not married only engaged.
Two great kids, both under 6
DDay #1: 18 Nov 2013
DDay #2: July 2011

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, just see how it goes. As a girl, I wouldn't want to exercise and then go to drinks…I'm gonna want to shower.

If it feels right, ask to go for drinks/food. Or, at the end of the ride and it goes well, THEN say, "How about we go for drinks next time?"

Way to go

I have yet to be asked out in public since my D. When I was younger, all the time. Oh, I take that back…both the WalMart cashier and a Costco cashier have asked me out. Too funny.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Lex71
♂ Member
Member # 41172
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hehe - yea I kinda meant later for the drinks rather than just after the exercise - I'd agree on the shower thing too!

thanks for the ideas on asking, key I guess is that it does as you say 'feel right'.

hmm...walmart/costco...too funny....? Something you can share...I'm curious!


Me: 42 Her: xWGf 39
Not married only engaged.
Two great kids, both under 6
DDay #1: 18 Nov 2013
DDay #2: July 2011

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WalMart. In line and I saw the cashier glance at me and do a double take. As a woman, or for me, my first thought is "crap…here it comes." He was an Indian man, in his 30's probably. He stared at me, finally said, "You are very beautiful" in his accent. I replied, "thank you." Then as I was gathering the bags I said, "Do I have everything?" He replied, 'Everything except me." I just smiled and left.

Same at Costco. Male cashier. Staring at me. Probably in his 50's, and still rocking a rat tail. As I'm paying he says, "So, are you busy tonight?" Yes. Yes, I am.

I think working as a cashier is a very easy way to meet women!

I should probably join a gym.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4113 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, bring an extra shirt, wet wipes, and deodorant just in case. I can't remember the last time I met up with someone for an activity where we didn't end up at breakfast or lunch afterwards.

Posts: 3344 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Lex71
♂ Member
Member # 41172
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew I was tempting fate saying anything to anyone!

Got a text 'afraid will have to postpone.....meal with family booked that I'd completely forgotten about' She does say 'can we reschedule when you come round for your sports massage. Sorry again...'

Before you ask...she's a gym instructor and I given how much work I am doing in the gym the sports massage is a real need.

I take all this at face value - no reason not to trust and after all its me making it a 'bigger thing'....but I'm soooo crap at all this relationship stuff that I have no idea if this is a gentle 'its not happening'. Why is it I find relationships (friends or more intimate) so darned difficult!

I have decided I need someone like from the film 'Hitch' !


Me: 42 Her: xWGf 39
Not married only engaged.
Two great kids, both under 6
DDay #1: 18 Nov 2013
DDay #2: July 2011

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She didn't totally put you off. Get your ass in for the massage next week and ask her what works for her.

She left the door open for a reason.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7574 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen to WilliesMom! Once you stop letting your fear of rejection hold you back, you will be so free and many opportunities are sure to open up, both for friendship and romance.

Congrats on mustering up the courage to ask her, now don't lose that courage right after finding it again!


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4089 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agreed- she left the door open for a reason.
If I was trying to blow someone off I'd say the dinner part- but not the reschedule part.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have decided I need someone like from the film 'Hitch' !
You do have someone like that, it's all of us here on SI!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3098 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Lex71
♂ Member
Member # 41172
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Willies mom, Nora, Kobe, better....Everyone!

Thanks all for the encouragement and insights and playing 'hitch' for me

I'll see what happens on Tuesday and if its not 'right' well it's not and that's the way life goes. I'll still have found a great spinning instructor/sports therapy massage and perhaps a new friend if nothing else.


Me: 42 Her: xWGf 39
Not married only engaged.
Two great kids, both under 6
DDay #1: 18 Nov 2013
DDay #2: July 2011

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll see what happens on Tuesday and if its not 'right' well it's not and that's the way life goes. I'll still have found a great spinning instructor/sports therapy massage and perhaps a new friend if nothing else.
Exactly! Great attitude, Lex.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25073 | Registered: Aug 2011
Lex71
♂ Member
Member # 41172
Default  Posted: 4:25 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Need your 'Hitch' hats on again.....

Caught up with instructor, eventually - long story short - I couldn't get the sports massage, she said would I like to stay for a coffee and a chat instead....so I did....three hours later I left! She told me loads about herself, we talked family, holidays, work. We talked about her cats - they both cute really. I briefly said it was really good and it would be nice to meet up for a coffee again. She said yes it was good. In fact I think i said I needed to leave three times altogether but we both kept the conversation going.

A little voice saying in me I should have asked her out properly (a coffee date seems right just now and i know she doesnt drink alcohol) but apart from 'we should...' I didn't as too nervous...

Surely, if she actively didn't like me, none of that would have happened right? What I can never work out is, was she just being friendly?

Now, I'm meant to be at spinning class tonight (her class) but might not make it. I was thinking of trying to catch her tonight and say when are you free to go out....Because I might not be there (she asked me last night if i was going) I'm thinking I may send a text (not so great but if I'm not there tonight I won't see her until next class I can make at end of the month and that feels like a long time). If I send text, I was thinking of saying something like - gutted that I'll miss class tonight, really enjoyed last night would love to go out for coffee, have you got any free time this weekend?

Is that reasonable?

What's holding me back? Live for the moment seems to be evading me. Fear of rejection IS an issue, I know the world won't stop spinning...

The worst that can happen is she'll say no, it'll be a bit awkward at some spin classes (she hasn't got any more at my gym after May at the moment) and perhaps I'd need to go elsewhere for sports massage therapy. She could ignore my text which is same as no. She could say no and get mor classes at gym, well hey ho, if I'm at the class it's because it's the one I can get to and nothing wrong with a polite hello, how are you.


So all you SI 'Hitch' folk....help! Should i send text? Bite the bullet and get on with it? Or am I over reading friendliness?


Me: 42 Her: xWGf 39
Not married only engaged.
Two great kids, both under 6
DDay #1: 18 Nov 2013
DDay #2: July 2011

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: UK
fireproof
♀ Member
Member # 36126
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Staying if you are free is not displaying the correct message.

Life is short - she might just be friendly or sheikhs like you. With people who you will come across it is best to be casual until you know be a use it can get super awkward.

I would call her and ask her if she would like to go out this weekend and if she says yes then say what day works best. If you have limited time then I would say do you want to go to lunch/dinner x day.

You could be just friendly too- keep it casual and enjoy. Don't over think it but if you like her properly ask her with definitive plans.

Good luck!


Posts: 933 | Registered: Jul 2012
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with fireproof that a call is an appropriate next step if you miss the class. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4089 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me tell you Lex, I don't talk for three hours over coffee with men I don't like. She likes you.

Absolutely send a text saying you're disappointed about missing her class AND in the text ask her out for coffee or lunch for this weekend. I wouldn't put in a question: "do you have any free time this weekend?", but rather as a statement: "I'd really like to have coffee with you this weekend. Are you free Saturday afternoon?"

You can do this!!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3098 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lex, unfortunately part of being on the male side of the dating scene is usually (I repeat usually) having to be the pursuer. (unless perhaps you are on OLD and I have not the slightest inkling what that is all about). So this means you have the potential of having your balls cut off by being rejected and feeling like a piece of crap. I'm a man,I get that sometimes it may seem like more of a bother and risk than it's worth.

I liken it to having a child. What could possibly more riskier than that? But, the potential rewards that come are so fantastico.

Keep this in mind my friend, these female humanoids are really just like us except they may have longer hair on their head, (or for that matter just have hair on their head) Have less hair on their legs. You know, the more I think about it, this whole male female male thing may come down to hair...but I digress.

The way I see it, the only people who aren't crazy and with their demons are the ones I don't know. See, that's the secret women hide from us...they are as nuts as we are. So to make a long and nonsensical post short, Go for it man. What's the worse thing that can happen? OK I know I mentioned the ball cut off thing but that was just a metaphor, I mean seriously, what is the worst...just go for it.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 539 | Registered: Jun 2011
Topic Posts: 17

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