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User Topic: Should best friend respond to OW?
minorsong
♀ Member
Member # 29282
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Asking for some advice here, since I value the thoughts and opinions of so many on SI. Here is the situation.

OW sent a private FB message to my best friend today and of course, best friends wants to reply. But here is the thing, OW doesn't know the person she messaged is my best friend, and the message had nothing to do with the A or me, at least not to OW. It does to my best friend though. Let me explain.

Last year, OW opened a fitness studio and has a FB business page for this studio. About 6 or 7 months ago, after a brazen move by OW at a local 15K that my H and I were running (half way through she and her son passed us and planted themselves directly in front of us, arms length away. No one else was around. Out of hundreds of people she appears out of nowhere and flaunts herself in front of us. We had no idea she was even there), my bestie, after hearing this race story, went to check out the OW's FB business page. And, as OW was begging for studio ratings, bestie rated it. She gave it a 1 star rating. Zero stars was not an option. She told me what she did, we had a little harmless that's what she deserves' moment and then thought nothing more of it. Well, today, probably 6 months later, bestie gets a message inquiring as to why she gave the studio a 1 star rating and wondering how she can improve things if there is anything she can do to provide a better experience, offering a free class, etc. Bestie, (who is also a BS who divorced her WH because he was a remorseless jerk), had a million responses in her head she wanted to fire off, but instead called me to ask what I wanted her to do.
Let me just say that I am only several weeks from 5th antiversary of DD1. H and I are in R. We have both had IC and MC. FWH has been a model FW since DD2 (about 4 1/2 years), but in all honesty, the trauma has left me pretty scarred. Coincidently, today and this weekend are some pretty painful trigger dates. Actually the next few weeks are full of triggers, so OW is once again in my thoughts. Other then several unfortunate same place/same time encounters (the race, a bridal shower, a wedding, a strange encounter at a childrens water park....) there has been NC by all parties.
In fact, I have never spoken to her in person and other then one message on DD1 a couple of texts on DD2, I have had no communication with her at all. That said, there are actually many things I would like to have said to her. I always took the "ignore" route. Bestie now has the opportunity to "call her out" on her behavior, to say some things I never took the opportunity to say, I guess. In a way I'd like OW to know that other people know what she did. We work in the same field and have many mutual friends and colleagues and the A was never revealed. OW got to flitter on with her life, unscathed, at least socially.

So all that said, my question to you all is, what would you have your friend do? It has been 4 1/2 years since NC. Should she speak her mind and reply to the OW? Would you have her ignore? I suspect OW is struggling to build her business and it's driving her nuts that she got a 1 star rating.

I really wish I was at the point of indifference. OP was literally the vehicle H used to take a vacation from reality. Sadly, I'm still struggling with that.


Me (50)BW
Him (50) WH
M 25 years(together26)
DD#1 5/8/09 DD#2 12/5/09 (continued contact)
12 month EA/PA
DS20, DS8
In R

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2010
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say let it drop. She poked the tiger, and now you're on your way to giving this chick your time and energy again.

The best thing would for you and your best friend to block all possible ways to communicate and back away slowly. It's not the fun answer, but it's the one that will cause you the least amount of grief in the long run.


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
minorsong
♀ Member
Member # 29282
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Jrazz. I know that is the smart answer. It's always so tempting though. So wish I was farther along in the indifference quest. sigh....


Me (50)BW
Him (50) WH
M 25 years(together26)
DD#1 5/8/09 DD#2 12/5/09 (continued contact)
12 month EA/PA
DS20, DS8
In R

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2010
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Until I read Jrazz's post I was thinking in my head, "tell the tramp to keep her legs closed when in the vicinity of married men", but I now realize how childish that would be. IGNORE. CRICKETS. That is the best route.

[This message edited by Chicky at 11:16 PM, April 17th (Thursday)]


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
twisted
♂ Member
Member # 8873
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would say let it drop. She poked the tiger, and now you're on your way to giving this chick your time and energy again.

That would be the smart thing to do.

.... of course, your bestie can do whatever she wants......

[This message edited by twisted at 11:37 AM, April 18th (Friday)]


"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Posts: 893 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Oklahoma
million tears
♀ Member
Member # 24416
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore. It will drive her crazy wondering why she got 1 star.


2 year LTA-double betrayal, D-day 1-26-2009 and many months of TT. 2 more recent d-days-way overstepped boundaries.

Married 27 years. Together 29.

3 children 24, 21, 14

OW sex addict and romance addict according to MC.


Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jun 2009
Gardenerinpain
♀ New Member
Member # 42323
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ignore. It will drive her crazy wondering why she got 1 star.

Oh yes, perfect!


Me: BS 60
He: F?WH 71
OW: 70
Married 32 years.
DDay March 2012
Separated since September 2013.
Trying to reconcile.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley


Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: South
Jduff
♂ Member
Member # 41988
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspect OW is struggling to build her business and it's driving her nuts that she got a 1 star rating.

That's probably because her personal ethics probably affects her business ethics.


Divorced - 5/23/14
Already in my New Beginning - :)

Posts: 404 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: texas
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to agree with taking the high road here.


I do think a bottle of wine and a night with your BF discussing the fun of the low road might be in order though...


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell your friend to ignore and not respond. This will bug OW more.


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 485 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 10

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