[This message edited by cmego at 5:36 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
Im sorry. I know how desperately you want to believe him. But he has lied to you and hidden this part of himself..the entire time you have known him. Lying about your sexuality is a HUGE DEAL.
You sound very trusting. And like you are in a bit of denial. Once the shock wears off, this is going to hit you really hard. It will bring you to your knees.
I just have this feeling that you won't be posting much anymore...if at all. And that's ok. Just please know, we are here when you need us.
Im worried about you, to be honest.
[This message edited by confused615 at 5:04 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
It was about a month later that he was begging for another chance that I finally relented and started counseling.
The anger didn't hit until later.
At first, I felt relieved, like "finally!! I knew I wasn't crazy!!", then reality started when I realized my ex wasn't straight. He kept saying, "I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!".
Just be prepared that anger is going to hit, and it should...you NEED to get angry because what he has done is terrible. You want to believe him, I know. We all know. But…don't. And he will get pissy because you don't trust him. You shouldn't trust him, he has hidden huge parts of himself from you.
The oddest thing my ex did was INSIST on new phones for us immediately. He said, "So many people have my number (he has a public job…), I don't want you to get the wrong idea by a wrong number or something." It was probably just so all of the AP couldn't contact him. After all, he wanted to be transparent…so he didn't want me to have access to everything in the past. On the surface, it looked like a noble thing to do, "Look! I'm getting a new phone number so no one can contact me! I am starting fresh!" In reality, the exAP was trying to blackmail him and he didn't want him to have his number…or anyone else.
Just hang in there. We know what you are going through. I wish I had found SI sooner than I did because I made some serious mistakes attempting R.
[This message edited by doggiediva at 5:44 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]
We're here for you, Bonnie.