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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 3 days of shock
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my computer has gone wonky. *dup post*

[This message edited by cmego at 5:36 PM, April 19th (Saturday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Bonnie24
♀ New Member
Member # 43156
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm hanging in there....still in shock. I now have all passwords to emails, FB, and phone. Any question I have is answered as well. Even the same ones over and over. I'm still trying to see if the story changes.
Thanks for all the support from everyone!!!!!

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please put a keylogger on the computer. You only have the passwords to the accounts he told you about.

Im sorry. I know how desperately you want to believe him. But he has lied to you and hidden this part of himself..the entire time you have known him. Lying about your sexuality is a HUGE DEAL.

You sound very trusting. And like you are in a bit of denial. Once the shock wears off, this is going to hit you really hard. It will bring you to your knees.

I just have this feeling that you won't be posting much anymore...if at all. And that's ok. Just please know, we are here when you need us.


Im worried about you, to be honest.

[This message edited by confused615 at 5:04 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7685 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I kicked ex out of the house when I found out. I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks and suffered from total shock. Like almost hospitalized. And all I knew about was 1 guy that he saw for one weekend at that point. The rest didn't come out until much later.

It was about a month later that he was begging for another chance that I finally relented and started counseling.

The anger didn't hit until later.

At first, I felt relieved, like "finally!! I knew I wasn't crazy!!", then reality started when I realized my ex wasn't straight. He kept saying, "I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!".

Just be prepared that anger is going to hit, and it should...you NEED to get angry because what he has done is terrible. You want to believe him, I know. We all know. But…don't. And he will get pissy because you don't trust him. You shouldn't trust him, he has hidden huge parts of himself from you.

The oddest thing my ex did was INSIST on new phones for us immediately. He said, "So many people have my number (he has a public job…), I don't want you to get the wrong idea by a wrong number or something." It was probably just so all of the AP couldn't contact him. After all, he wanted to be transparent…so he didn't want me to have access to everything in the past. On the surface, it looked like a noble thing to do, "Look! I'm getting a new phone number so no one can contact me! I am starting fresh!" In reality, the exAP was trying to blackmail him and he didn't want him to have his number…or anyone else.

Just hang in there. We know what you are going through. I wish I had found SI sooner than I did because I made some serious mistakes attempting R.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4185 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anger will hit...Be well prepared for it.. You will find your source of support...Just like being thirsty and needing a drink of water..You will find your source of nourishment because you need it...It is normal and empowering....

[This message edited by doggiediva at 5:44 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1251 | Registered: Nov 2011
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My parents were M almost 40 years when my mom found out my dad was gay and tried to kill him and herself. That was 10 years ago and now she says there were signs, but she chose not to believe them.

Posts: 11743 | Registered: Mar 2008
Bonnie24
♀ New Member
Member # 43156
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that I'm due for anger. There r different stages that a person needs to go through. I will keep posting, cause it is necessary for me to know and understand what everyone has shared, whether I want to hear it or not. The support and concern is well needed! Please continue to post, I need honesty, and this is a safe place to be!

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
evephoebe1
♀ Member
Member # 36923
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't have any great advice to offer, but wanted to send you some (((hugs))).

We're here for you, Bonnie.


Me: Survivor! BS (47)
Him: WH (45)
2 awesome kids, 13 & 16

Posts: 92 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: evephoebe1
Bonnie24
♀ New Member
Member # 43156
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, I needed that hug at that moment!

Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Pennsylvania
Topic Posts: 29
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