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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I miss my best friend
DepressedDaddy
♂ Member
Member # 41521
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW was my best friend, my confidant, my soul mate, that was until she decided to engage in an A. During our attempt at R, we got back to being incredible friends, unfortunately the passion for our M had been lost and D became our reality.

I miss her. I miss talking with her. I miss confiding in her and her confiding in me. Trying to keep up with NC is torturous. I have to keep reminding myself of what she has done to me, but as everyone knows, it doesn't make it any easier.

I just want to sit with her, hold her, talk to her and have the connection again.

[Reminding myself] She cheated on me. She is hurting me. She is not the woman I fell in love with. She has made a choice and is "in-love" with someone else.


“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future. Because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so.” ― Noam Chomsky

Posts: 621 | Registered: Dec 2013
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DepDad, I missed my best friend too. He was the person I talked to about my days, told my fears, gave my heart to. He would love for us to still sit and talk like we use to...while he sleeps with someone else. A best friend wouldn't do that.

I still miss having that best friend, but it isn't him. I miss having someone to come home to at night, to share the ups and downs of raising kids and home ownership. My career is very emotionally draining many days; I wish I had that person to debrief with.

That person that I wish for is not him. He isn't the man I thought he was. I want someone to share all that with, but it can't be him. If, by some miracle, I did let him back in, it couldn't ever be the same. I forgave him once, he did it again. I'd be watching over my shoulder, waiting for him to do it again.

I want my best friend back. I'm lonely. But I'm willing to wait for the upgraded version to enter my life. I'm not willing to just take the first guy that wants to be with me just because I'm lonely. I want a true best friend next time.

You will find a true one too. Don't even bother thinking about settling for one you know doesn't think enough of you to keep your secrets or to keep their pants on when with others. You deserve better.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5363 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Gardenerinpain
♀ New Member
Member # 42323
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,
I feel your pain so well. We have tried R but it appears to be false on his part.
I know so well the just wanting to be back together. Sometimes, I guess that doesn't happen.
(( hugs)). No words of wisdom , sadly.


Me: BS 60
He: F?WH 71
OW: 70
Married 32 years.
DDay March 2012
Separated since September 2013.
Trying to reconcile.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley


Posts: 39 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: South
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It must be something in the air today. I was thinking how much I miss greeting WH at the door. Getting that first kids after being apart all day. Talking about the days' events.

Now, he comes home and I do my best not to engage him. It hurts so badly. I can smell OW's perfume wafting around him as he comes in.

He is hurting me. He is showing complete disregard for me, out marriage, our family, our history together. My best friend seems to have died about a year ago. In his place is a person who looks like him, but is a liar and a cheater who only thinks of himself. He blame shifts and denies and wants to walk away from our marriage with no consequences.

My friends don't treat me that way. I miss my best friend. I don't know how to fill that void. I'm trying to focus on how NOT to fill it right now.

(((Hugs)))

We are with you.


Me: BS 44
Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat
Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
Heading for Divorce
3 kids: 15,17,19

Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for The Lord.


Posts: 1684 | Registered: Aug 2013
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,

Your post demonstrates that while this is incredibly difficult, you already understand the reality. And while we are all capable of making mistakes and exercising poor judgment, the consequences for betraying our best friends generally include a loss of the friendship.

My XWW was my best friend, too...for nearly 20 years. When things were bad, she's the first person I turned to, and when I was at my lowest point and needed my best friend more than ever, guess what? My "best friend" was still in the fog of her A and so self-absorbed she couldn't be bothered.

Betrayal by a best friend sucks. But I have a new best friend now. Several, in fact.

I wish you strength.


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 328 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
lostandhopless
♂ Member
Member # 41568
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you brother, I lost my two best friends... Found out they only wanted to kick me when I was at my lowest.. Found new and better friends..Stay strong, we are here for you...

[This message edited by lostandhopless at 6:57 PM, April 18th (Friday)]


Be careful who you trust. Even your shadow will abandon you when it's dark.....

Divorced 6/13/14


Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2013
yestopants
♀ Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss my best friend too. well I guess i don't have one anymore. I'm learning to embrace the loneliness and sometimes the anger it makes me feel. It helps me realize a best friend wouldn't do this. I too look forward to the upgraded version one day.
((hugs))
guess we are all there.


Me: 34
WH:37
Married 11years together 13 years
OW
"I don't love you anymore" 17/11/2013
DD 9 DS 7

Posts: 254 | Registered: Dec 2013
strad
♀ New Member
Member # 41509
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've felt for quite awhile that my best friend died on D day. I divorced the stranger who replaced him, as he wasn't anyone I would want to be married to. I still miss my best friend but he's been gone for a long time now. I'm trying to move on but it's hard.


Me: BW, 49
WH, 51
son, 18
d-day 10/1/13
married 26 years
Divorced 3/21/14

Posts: 26 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: United States
Pinkyxo
♀ New Member
Member # 43095
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I miss mine too but, he checked out on me so long ago. I was his friend, he wasn't mine.

((DepressedDaddy))


One foot in front of the other

Posts: 30 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Lost & Isolated
Oftencheatedon
♀ Member
Member # 41268
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard to lose a best friend no matter what the circumstances.

When I was single I had a best friend who literally was like a sister to me. We were so close.

But when she decided to cheat on her DH and use spending time with me as an excuse I could not tolerate that. I thought the world of her husband.

He knew she was cheating when I didn't have a clue. I swear I think I was as devastated as he was. I had to end our friendship as I just could not abide what she was doing.

It's been many years now. I missed the friendship for a long time - but I just could not remain friends with a cheater.


Posts: 103 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: AL
renee21
♀ Member
Member # 27088
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate. That is the hardest part for me too. I miss all the normal interactions, date nights, someone to lay next to at night. I miss the random text messages and phone calls, being able to tell him anything and having him there for my highs and lows.

like everyone else here, someone who I don't know now lives in his body. He's selfish, destructive and believes his own lies. We grew up together, been together since we were 16. How anyone could walk away and level their own blood I don't know.

I have lots of friends that I can share openly and honestly with but I do miss that special connection. I know someday some guy is going to thank him for being such an ass and letting a such a good woman go.

I already know I am his greatest loss.


BW(me) 36
WH-36 SA
Three kids 18, 16 and 9
Married 18 years.
Multiple D-Days, multiple OW and an OC
12/19/03,5/13/2004,12/5/2009, 2/20/2014
I am no longer a guest on the Jerry Springer Show.

Posts: 1325 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Florida
PRNDL
♂ Member
Member # 41927
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I read your post, I thought I wrote it.

Im so sorry. I know you are in so much pain. I know because I miss my best friend too.

My friend, my best friend, my girl, my fiance, my bride, my family, my wife, my son's mother, my soul mate, my everything.

We were always together for 12 years. Two peas in a pod. Me, her, and our baby.

She started her A in 2012 and changed completely. Sge became a monster.

My best friend died two years ago. Worse, because she was capable of doing what she did, that means she never was who I thought she was. It was all a lie. An illusion.

My best friend never existed.

At least if she died instead of having an A,I would have always known that she truly was my best friend untill the end.


BH: 35 (me)
WS: 30 / OM: 30
Son: 11
Affair: 1.5 year long 2012
ONS with stranger Feb 2013
D-day #1 March 2013
D-day #2 April 2013
D-day #3 Sept 2013
Affair continued.
Limbo 7 months
Moved out - 180D - NC
Divorced
She recently ended it with OM

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Tampa Florida
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I would feel like you do today, I have to remind myself of some things.
Best friends don't lie, betray, cheat, blameshift, gaslight, disrespect, break promises, or walk out on you when you are dying inside and need them the most.
My, so called, best friend did all of this and more to me. I deserve better friends than that. Hell I've had kinder enemies!
Today was a hard day, went down memory lane of some good times and it had me down and depressed.
I took my own advice and made myself remember that it was just a mask and that I'm grieving who I thought he was, not who he really was.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Betrayeddaddio
♂ Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Best friends don't lie, betray, cheat, blameshift, gaslight, disrespect, break promises, or walk out on you when you are dying inside and need them the most.

The big problem with betrayal is that it seldom comes from your enemies. A best friend wouldn't knowingly inflict that much pain on you.....


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 702 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
honesttoafault
♀ Member
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD: I feel exactly the same. We are not just losing our spouse, we are losing our life's partner, lover and best friend and even part or our family. It's very devastating and hard.

I took my own advice and made myself remember that it was just a mask and that I'm grieving who I thought he was, not who he really was.

Still liven: that it what I'm trying to come to terms with. It's so hard because my whole life revolved around him, and it wasn't who I thought it was. It was all lies and betrayals and a mask. Finding it hard to forgive myself for falling for it all and still I miss the mask.... sounds insane.


Posts: 1938 | Registered: Jan 2010
Harriet
♀ Member
Member # 34543
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just logging in to write about exactly what everyone here is saying.

I just got back from NY. Last time I was there was with my ex, and it made me miss him, too. Or at least, the version of him he pretended to be. I became very lonely. It was my first real vacation by myself and it was going well until NY.

Now he is back in my head...all that wishful thinking going on, and wondering if I will ever have another - real - best friend. I really missed him. Dang it. You guys are the only people I would let know, though. I would die if it ever got back to him.


D-Day Spring 2008
3 years false R
Divorce Final 6/7/12

Posts: 385 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: California
JerseyCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 41441
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will put you in my thoughts today because this is the point in this mess when the deep pain really hits...that loss of connection to someone who was not only intimate to us but our best friend also. The pain becomes even deeper with the loss of that deep connection. Just remember as you work thru this that today I will keep you ingood thoughts & blessings.
JC


Me: Divorced 2012
I know that when I truly love & honor myself I am at my best & most complete; and I will never settle for anything less from myself or from anyone else ever again!

Posts: 286 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Have not decided where to land yet!
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD,

Just chiming in with a "me too." You are not alone. It is especially hard for me when I have my kids and miss our partnership. I think at various moments, "This is what WE should be doing, this is what WE should be experiencing..."

It is very very hard. But as you know, we had no choice. She cheated. Period. Our hearts will catch up to our head. Try to enjoy your weekend. (())


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
Klove
♀ Member
Member # 42096
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dd- me too.
Strangely, we were one of those couples who did everything together... we weren't big into nights out with the girls or the boys. We shared the same taste in everything. Even now, he'll try to engage me in conversation about a new band he's found I should check out...there are some things I just can't do because it's way too painful a reminder of his absence.

But

Best friends don't lie, betray, cheat, blameshift, gaslight, disrespect, break promises, or walk out on you when you are dying inside and need them the most.

^^^^ THIS ^^^^

He is not the man I thought I knew and now there is a hole where a best friend lived. At times it's really lonely.

(((((dd))))) The choice she has made is not best friend material. You deserve and will have better.


"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, April 19th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All these things passed away when the decision to start an extra-marital affair.

They live on in memory only.

Your 'best friend' is gone.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 44
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