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Newest Member: dunnoY (44984)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is this boundary setting or feeding ego kibbles?
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, April 20th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love some of your suggestions...but I think her having her friends there to support her and help make sure he doesn't take things that he isn't suppose to is just what the doctor ordered.

I especially like the one about ironing the synthetic curtains!

I can envision him trying to bully me out of last minute items on moving day. I would hope not, but I wouldn't be surprised. My friends will be there to help with that. They aren't afraid of him. It also gives me more than one set of eyes in the house to make sure times aren't being taken that shouldn't be.

The problem with engaging him in excited conversation about his moving out is that he WANTS to be friends. I don't want him to think in any way, shape, or form that this is happening. Plus I can't talk about that kind of stuff with him without crying. It's very triggering for me.

I SO hope this is settled soon.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you nekorb. I understand how you feel. I do.

Great idea having your friends there. Talk with them instead of engaging in conversation with WH. Plan an outing the following weekend with them. Discuss which piece of furniture from your friends store would look great in the newly vacated spot. Redesign.

Make sure you arrange weekends when he will have the kids. This is something I didn't at first when WH left me years ago. But I made him have the kids at times. To let him know that I can have a life without him.
Make sure you do something for you nekorb You are the important one here.

Once he is out it will get easier

(((((((((Neck orb))))))))))


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2918 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
crazynot
♀ Member
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 2:28 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of COURSE you can't talk in a friendly way about this happening... it's breaking your heart, and the 'wanting to be friends' thing is him minimising that to himself. He'd like nothing more than to be able to carry on seeing himself as 'the good guy, the responsible dad'. Mine is the same. In the end it really doesn't work for them. You know, I often feel sorry for mine now... he's got OW, he's living in our house (under pressure to sell, from me), but our university-age kids spend 95% of their vacation time with me, out of choice. They find it boring there, and I have to nag them to visit. As much as I and others sometimes may seem to be pushing you on this journey, Nekorb, we know exactly how heartbreaking this bit of it is for you. Do everything you can now to avoid him to make things easier for you. And yes, make sure he has weekends when the kids are with him, to give YOU space to start your new life, WHEN YOU FEEL READY. xx


Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.


Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.

In the beginning (forever?) I'm not anticipating kid free weekend as DD doesn't want to visit him alone and her counselor doesn't want her there overnight. When she turns 18, I'm not sure what will happen to her visitation with her dad. She really needs increased supervision right now, so that's my priority.

I will definitely enlist help though, to give myself some free time if necessary! BFF has invited me to go to the lake with her the first available chance I have. I'm looking forward to that.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 1838 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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