This was the first holiday since we told the kids about the A/D. We are still living together, nothing has been agreed upon or filed, etc, etc.
I can never do it again. It was SO awkward. I arrived after WH/MIL and I was greeting everyone with hugs and kisses I got to WH and it was like...I don't know what to do...he said Hapoy Easter and grabbed me in a big hug. I started to cry and had to stay outside for a minute and get myself together.
I just felt completely out of place. BIL/SIL were welcoming and kind like always. But...it was the constant need to avoid WH, constant reminders of how things used to be, me fighting off tears the majority of the time. My BFF stopped by to pick something up....I met her on the sidewalk and burst into tears!
Then when the kids and I left and I was saying good bye, hugs and kisses, etc...same deal with WH, but this time I just gave him a quick side hug, no eye contact, and it was still really hard to hold it together.
I can't do it.
I had told WH from the beginning not to EVER expect to share holidays or special events with me ever again after the D. Now I know I can't share them during this transition time either.
It hurts too much.
[This message edited by nekorb at 8:08 PM, April 20th (Sunday)]
I'm so sorry today was so hard and painful. Sending you a little bit of peace and strength. It won't always be like this.
That is so sad to hear you go thru that.
I am so sorry for you. Your BIL and SIL being so good would just make it harder
It's is sad for me thinking it may be the last "full family" supper for me, but I had no emotion. Maybe a bit when WH hugged me (????) but only out of sadness of what could have been.
At least there are no holidays coming up for awhile.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.
6 years of TT, hidden STD and false R.
Physically separated 5 mos+.
PTSD, extreme insomnia
Someday I will be okay
Knowing what you don't want is as important as knowing what you do want. You've done it now - you know you won't be doing it again anytime soon.
Amazing how awful the 'norm' feels when you're in the twilight zone, eh?
It's hard to lose people you've been close to for so long, shared memories. Continuity/history.
I agree it is important to know what I don't want.
My IL's are great. While they are being supportive of WH the best they can, they all think he is making a mistake, know he's lied to them, know about the affair etcetera.
I don't expect them to pick me over him by any stretch, but it's nice to know I'm not hated and I will probably be able to see them without WH present.
I actually live next door to MIL. We've always been really close. She is so hurt and disappointed by WH's affair and his lack of commitment to the marriage/family.
I figure things will settle into a new normal over time.
Not sure WH even noticed I was upset on Sunday.