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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It's comical
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So WW says she wants to talk.

She tells me that me looking at her emails and discovering the second affair was very distespectful. I violated her privacy.

She said the kids know what I did and know the truth of me violating her privacy. She still has not acknowldged the pain she caused me with the second affair or even apologized.

My response ,"I understand. In a couple weeks you will be free of this problem. " (She is moving out in a couple weeks). She got upset and said I was a blamer and that was a horrible way to live. I said "ok" and "good night".

I just have no interest in arguing with that kind of logic. In fact everyday I have less and less iterest at all. She also asked if i had a girlfriend. Shes all over the place mentally.

These last couple weeks are going to be entertaining. I am being painfully civil for the kids. It is interesting watching my WW struggle as her power diminshes and detach further and further.

Once she moves out and I am not forced to see her everyday it will be interesting to see her behavior. And my further healing.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, that's the problem, lack of privacy. Obviously is have nothing to do with her destroying your trust.

Kudos to you for not reacting to her BullSh.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1529 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Sadmumma
♀ Member
Member # 42192
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. The discovery portion was disrespectful.. Interesting . And the affair itself was.. What exactly

Great response.. Exactly what was deserved.


On any given day you have the power to say "my story is not going to end like this"
Me 41 BS
Him 41 WH
6 kids...7 weeks, 5,7,9,11&13
D day jan 29th 2014

Posts: 533 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Land down under
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And That is the way it is done!

If the WS Handbook of Excuses and Deflection had a "How to Deal with Your BS or: Troubling Responses" chapter - your responses would be listed ....


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Girl, hold my earrings!!

AYFKM? Violated her privacy?? What or who she does from hereon in is none of your business - her exposing you to STDs etc during your relationship IS your damned business.

The kids know what you did? What does that do but drag them further into this mess? Unlike you, you crazy idiot, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

The fucking cheek of it.

You must be a bloody Buddhist.

After final S the sad clown confronted me about evidence of a keylogger he found on our shared PC. I told him I had installed it a year prior to DD but had uninstalled after the X days trial without looking at the screen shots because I felt yuck about it - you're supposed to trust your husband, right? He was indignant. AYFKM? The fact that I clearly DID have cause for concern was lost on him. He was 'surprised'. Not as surprised as me, fuckwit.

I reacted much the same as you. That is all behind us now and we'll never have to be subjected to my lack of trust in you and your untrustworthiness.

It is odd to see the extreme reaction to the loss of perceived control over us. I'm a fairly easygoing person and it didn't really bother me that he was so bossy (controlling) during the M. But did he seriously think it was going to continue? The mind boggles at the delusion.

Here's hoping the crazy-o-meter doesn't go into overdrive over the next few weeks. I am really concerned about how much she is using the kids as ammunition here. I hope you're keeping the communication lines open with them. You can't control her fuckery but you can advocate for them and for yourself.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5402 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At the stage I'm at almost everything that came out of my XWW mouth was comical. Its funny how alike they all are.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5555 | Registered: Nov 2007
justinpaintoday
♂ Member
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SBB: The kids and I are fine so far. I am very calm and matter of fact with WW. I certainly want to engage emotionally as a H but I know it is futile so I chose life.

I am not a Buddhist (strong Christian). I just have peace. I am losing all interest in her "fuckery" and mind games. I realize that to R would be a real step down for me. She is now a ruling member of the trashy scumbag class.


I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my wxh started that bullshit, I always came back with the same answer: "you promised to love, honor, and cherish - once you broke that promise, all bets are off".

They're all idiots at this stage of the game.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7424 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JIPT,

Continue with not trying to make sense out of nonsense.

She will deal with what she's done what she's done when she's ready (if ever).

You are right. She has lost the ability to 'control the narrative'. The circle of her influence will eventually collapse into her own head.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JIPT you are handling it perfectly. It doesn't matter what you say at this point. "green elephants are selling girl scout cookies at the soccer game" makes just as much sense as anything coming out of her mouth at this point.

your energy, as you are wisely seeing, is better spent on other parts of the process.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8405 | Registered: Apr 2008
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is now a ruling member of the trashy scumbag class.

Gosh, you've come far fast JIPT. Not the type of education any of us ever wished for, but I'm sure it will stand you in good stead in life nonetheless.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 3708 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She tells me that me looking at her emails and discovering the second affair was very distespectful. I violated her privacy.

Dude, I've gotten the exact same line from The Princess - over and over. She even likes to tell me how illegal it was to "stalk" her like that. All I did was read her email because I thought she was screwing around, and she was!

The only logical response to this horseshit is "Fuck you".


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after married 17 years, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 1666 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job! Too bad your WW doesn't discern the difference between privacy & secrecy.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9249 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Proud of you JIPT. I don't know what I would have said or done in your position. When you get past the hurt, it really is comical, as you put it, how the wayward's thought processes "work." I remember a thread here a month or so back titled something like "Shit the WS says," and how many similar posts there were in that thread. It's like WSs all are working off the same manual in that they convince themselves they're somehow the victim and/or the better person. It always has to be about them.

You can't rationalize her irrational behavior, but you can choose how you respond or don't respond. Bravo JIPT.

SBB -

Girl, hold my earrings!!
I needed the laugh this morning


"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." - C.S. Lewis

Posts: 866 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just remember; if it's not about kids or finances, the proper response is, "I'm sorry you feel that way."


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19792 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello! I am just checking in on you and saw this post and am amazed at your composure. You have some so far, Justin.

I liked this...

I realize that to R would be a real step down for me.

Incredible insight. Good for you!

Keep taking care of you.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
jagged
♂ Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In fact everyday I have less and less iterest at all.

^^ Keep riding this freedom train. It's a welcome change from that rollercoaster thing, and it goes to a much better place.

I'm still always amazed by the script - we've all heard the same bullshit. The twist my XWW put on this same laughable argument - when I told her we were done, and I was filing for D after busting her a second time - was "Well, it's just as well, because I cannot tolerate someone who doesn't respect my privacy". That. WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

[This message edited by jagged at 11:55 AM, April 21st (Monday)]


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 328 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^

"You HAVE to trust me. I can't be in a marriage without trust."

Also said with a straight face. I said "Me either, dude. Me either."

It wasn't funny at the time but I burst out laughing in his face. He kept his serious face.

We should so compile a cheaters handbook. He's not the winner of Bastard Bingo but he is a contender.

[This message edited by SBB at 12:21 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5402 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
dbellanon
♂ Member
Member # 39236
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dealing with this stuff is like living in some weird ethical twilight zone.

I actually did apologize for invading her privacy by reading her e-mails, though I felt less and less guilty about it as time went on.

But while she did seem to feel like she deserved acknowledgement from me that this violation of privacy was wrong, she didn't seem all that upset about it. Indeed, she seemed mad at herself for not covering her tracks better.

And of course, she didn't seem upset with herself at all for cheating.

It's all so twisted up, it makes my head spin.


ME: BH, 28
Her: WW, 27
DD: 4
Married 6 Years.
DDay: Early May, 2013
Divorced

Posts: 204 | Registered: May 2013
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I just healed a little. Even though my spidey senses were tingling off the chart, and I checked his phone record because I was already in the phone account for a different reason and noticed the HUGE volume of texting, I have felt strangely guilty for the last year over what felt like a violation of privacy.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 615 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 25
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