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Newest Member: Alaska77 (44743)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 5 year anniv of Dday is tomorrow
BrokenWoman35
♀ New Member
Member # 24177
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it's been 5 years. The hardest five years of my life. I keep feeling anxious the last few days and I have figured out that is why. Funny thing is, DH has no clue what tomorrow is or why I am anxious. He thinks I should be "over it" to some degree by now. I am alone. No one to talk to about it other than my mother. I'm trying really hard to act like its another day but I feel like the more I try to NOT acknowledge it the more anxious I feel. I don't WANT to acknowledge it. I want it to be any other day. Just needed to vent and let it out.


BS(me)40
WH 43
DS 9 yrs old
DDay 4/22/09

The journey from your mind to your hands is shorter than your thinking - Casting Crowns


Posts: 47 | Registered: May 2009 | From: east coast
jadedheart
♀ Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((bw35)))

Isn't it nice that some FWS can sleep at night without any thought of the whole load of crap that is infidelity and for many of us, the betrayed, it finds a way to slink into our minds and thoughts almost daily. I pray that you will find some peace and comfort soon and that you can join the ranks of BS's that have been able to move out of the darkness and into the light.



Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My 7 year antiversary was yesterday. And while I get how you just want it to not be a factor, it IS a factor. I think you do yourself and your relationship a disservice by not being authentic. Tell him why you are upset. Give him the opportunity to comfort you, and reassure you.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6360 | Registered: Jan 2011
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well it's been 5 years. The hardest five years of my life.

I know you just wanted to vent, but I just wanted to say congrats to your and your H on making it this far. That is a huge milestone and you deserve a lot of credit.

Good advice by Rebreather. Rebreather, congrats to you and your H as well for reaching the 7 year milestone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:35 PM, April 21st (Monday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Aug 2007
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:35 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BS35,
It is not just another day. Allow yourself to cry or write or scream or do what you need to do to process and feel the pain. I second Rebreather's advice- talk with your husband. Let him comfort you. And do something special to nurture yourself today. Thinking of you.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
hpv50
♀ Member
Member # 39703
Default  Posted: 3:29 AM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can empathize; it's my dday, too, one year out.

I think others are right, that your WH should know, to have the opportunity to help you feel better. It's ok if you're not completely "over it," how can we ever be? The grenade he lobbed left a little shrapnel that still occasionally rears itself. You look down at your skin, finger the scar, and quietly wonder.

One year out,
Or even five,
Will I ever
Feel alive?


Me: BS - 50; Him: WH - 51, vulnerable NPD
married 19 years, maybe 20th soon?
DD1 4/22/13 (hpv diagnosis)
DD2 5/9/13 (gaslighting begins)
DD3 6/30/13 (admits EA)
DD4 7/7/13 admits "trying to date other women" for 3 years

Posts: 129 | Registered: Jun 2013
Loyaltoafault
♀ New Member
Member # 41084
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My heart goes out to you. There was a recent post here about friends we lost who didnt want to hear us talk about the A anymore. I feel alone in this too. There is no time limit to heal, but I am working on building my own life so I can 180 successfully. I am tired of being the girl that this happened to, and want to release it. Good luck and love to you!


married 13 yrs
4 older kids
Multiple online EA
1 known PA
massage parlour use
4th yr into recovery
Suspect more than 1 PA, WH only admits one.
Here for years, just joined.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Florida
mamak
♀ Member
Member # 35969
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing that bothers me incessantly is WH's ability to proceed like nothing happened. His ego was never shattered, confidence higher than ever, never looses a wink of sleep.

Me....I have nightmares almost every night, Think about it at least every day. Two years out and I am still struggling to put myself back together.

Our dday was on the 21st. I was at work. I work in a postpartum unit in a hospital and watched all these happy couples welcome these amazing children in their lives. I watched dad's dote over their wives. Then I went home and looked at my husband who threw me under the bus for another woman. Yes he has worked hard to improve but on that day, all I felt was anger and couldn't talk to him about it because he tells me I need to fix myself and that he is doing everything he can. I just don't think he'll ever understand.


Me - 37, Him - 34
Married - 12 years
Three kiddos (oldest is mine) - 9, 11,13
DDay #1 - 4/21/2012, Discovered 3 mo. EA (texts, phone calls, nude pics, sexting, 1 kiss)
R - 4/24/12. R going well

Posts: 287 | Registered: Jun 2012
TICKED OFF
♀ Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for you. I know only too well what that is like. Ten years out and to this day I still remember way to well that one day that I found out. To this very day I still go into my "mood" during late Jan and all of Feb. The sadness of it all does dimisnish to a point as the years go by, but those 6 weeks prior and that "one day" will be forever etched in my heart and my brain.

I hate to say this but dd (with me at least) will NEVER just be any other day, nor will those six weeks prior when h's a with our friend/neighbor was in full swing.

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:36 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
Topic Posts: 9

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