Icecold: thank you for this article/post.
I'm am so there as well. I feel so like a fool, so like I've given up my dignity & self worth. I'm 17 months out & struggle with no feelings for fWH. He was unremorseful for almost 3 months after caught. Stayed in contact w her & I didn't know it. Filed for divorce after she kept telling him he needed to do that & get on with his life. She needed her ego boosting f*** buddy to stick around for her. I'm sure of that. I wanted him. I wanted to reconcile. After the treatment I got in the months after confrontation I gave up & decided to let him go. I debased myself, begged, pleaded for our children & their security, set up counseling, got books--everything & he just scoffed & pushed me off. I gave up. Found SI & the 180 & decided to let him go & make a life. I couldn't take the abuse anymore. I was beginning to feel somewhat happy in my new life even tho we were in-house separated. Well he woke up. Stopped the divorce he so desparately wanted. Wanted to work on us. I swallowed my pride & stayed so my kids would have a secure home. They took all of it really bad & we are still feeling the repercussions with them from his actions during that time. My daughter started cutting shortly after & my son is a mess right now & in counseling. They attribute it to his affair & wanting to leave us. I have paid a very high price & so have my teenage children & I'm still not happy or sure I did the right thing. It's a hard pill to swallow
I am a Christian and have felt pressure to forgive & be Christlike. I hope my H someday realizes the gift he's been given. Or, if we don't make it the weight of what he's done to all 4 of us.
This is a great article.